To have yelled and dragged child out

[Yellinginmuseum]

I know I was being unreasonable but I’m not sure how else I should have dealt with this.

I took my three year old and nearly 1 year old - not yet walking - to a museum. It wasn’t pram friendly so had to carry her round and she’s heavy. Three year old went round and enjoyed it and then wanted to go back in. It was a one way system so was trying to explain to him he couldn’t get in through the door he was trying. He ended up having a tantrum. Eventually he shot off and ran in through the right door, I tried to follow but a crowd of people got in my way and when I eventually caught up with him I was saying his name over and over and he was just blanking me. In the end I shouted STOP IGNORING ME and dragged him out

I am not sure what else I should have done.

I don’t have DC but do have nieces and nephews. My DNephew is a bolter or was one. Why they didn’t use reins on him I don’t know! He narrowly missed being hit by a car once and afterwards they were far stricter with him.

I learned quickly with DNephew (5) that if I take him to eg a supermarket then I grab hold of his hand/wrist and almost pull him firmly around or he gets distracted (it’s a novelty for him being there) and I state clearly what we are getting. Doesn’t always work as he’s crafty and older than his age in thinking etc. and of course sometimes he wants to go eg to the pop up toy charity shop rather than stay in the play park! I’ve had fun with him though but I really have to be clear what we do. Or make it fun, like shopping for dinner and asking him to pick the vegetables or a cake we are going to make.

I get you feel bad you yelled and dragged him out but what else were you supposed to do and he was testing you. Sounds a typical threenager to me.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Theyre little shits and behave like it at that age and can push every button. Next time, like pp have said backpack reins for the 3 year old, make the rein abit longer with another string tied on or something as they are quite short I find. For baby get a baby sling pronto- itl save your sanity and keep you hands free for those tricky moments.

Sounds like a really hard moment @Yellinginmuseum and doesn't define you as a parent

Solidarity OP, we’ve all been there. You kept him safe, which is top priority.

You did absolutely fine. It's very hard but you did nothing wrong. You had a bad day. Anyone who claims they haven't had one as a parent is either lying or such a bad parent they can't self reflect properly.

What you can do is look at what can make things easier. I had 2 under 2 and found it easier to always have a light weight carrier in the bag. Even when we took a buggy it meant I had the option to contain both of them if needed. Backpacks with reins are good too. But there will always be times when you've got both of them inside and you do have to resort to kid under arm/ hold of wrist to keep everyone safe. And yes, occasionally you will raise your voice and that's fine too.

Also, don't worry if there are places that you find that you need more than 1 adult. I took my kids all over the place, would fly with them solo etc but I still have a few places that are on list of needing more than 1 adult.

Only thing you did wrong was going to the museum

It's just not worth it

I once felt guilty for yelling at my toddler when he was about to pick up dog poo (and probably eat it). But I had to stop him doing that! Same goes for running off like yours did. Needs must!

He once had a full blown lying down tantrum in the middle of a shopping mall concourse. (He wanted to repeatedly ride the escalators, while I wanted to leave). It drew a crowd. People were spectating. But one kind older woman came over and said "Just to let you know, we've all been there." I love her for that. I ended up carrying him out of there too.

To many more days out OP! You've got this 💪🏻

I'd see how you feel when you flip that ratio around into 2 babies 1 mummy and report back. 🤣

You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Actions have consequences - that's what being a toddler is about learning! He was disobedient, he got in trouble. In a perfect world, we'd manage to distract the toddler and avoid the conflict, or reason with them, but a lot of the time it doesn't work out that way 🤷‍♀️ I always take mine aside after everyone's calmed down, after an episode like you've described, and ask if they know why they got in trouble, and make sure they understand what was dangerous / bad about it. Then I give them a hug and we move on. They learn not to do it again (may take a few goes!). Neither is emotionally damaged or anything - they're confident and happy, and learning how to be safer every day (touch wood...).

I think you did the right thing and are teaching him well so he will hopefully know in future not to test you and that you mean what you say. I say bravo OP and I wish more parents would show their kids who’s boss.

Sounds like a typical day out with very young children. I had 4 under 6 a few years ago and every day out always started with such high hopes - but invariably ended like yours.

Much easier now they are a bit older but the middle two (7 and 8) still have their moments!

Sit them on your lap whilst you pee! Borderline bit gross, but quite effective, especially if chatting / playing a game. Of course it means you don't get the luxury of a solitary pee ever...

My middle child was a devil for tantrums. Multiple a day until he was about 3 and a half. He would scream so much and lie on the floors, no matter where. talking to him or trying to reassure him did not work in the slightest and just made him worse. I hated taking him anywhere. He’d lie on the floor outside, in the rain and he would go again because he was wet.

I can’t count the times I lost my patience with him and had to drag him out of a shop or from in the middle of a road because he would just refuse to move or cooperate at all. He would go on for about 30 minutes until he made himself sick.

He’s now almost 8 and he’s the loveliest boy you could meet and a big Mummies Boy too. Sometimes they need to be told off and shown that they have crossed a line. Running off is not okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself OP!

@Yellinginmuseum
It's the stage of, No. it's a hard one.
I say to my toddler, Mummy tells you, No, a lot. I'm sorry I have to do it, but it's to keep you safe.
🤷‍♀️
I applaud you for taking your dc out anywhere other than the park! Brave you! 👏

oh, and the mum with 4 under age 6: are you insane??? 🙀

Do you have children???

OP you did exactly the right thing.

If it's any consolation this exact thing happened to me once, in a museum to boot, when my DC was 2. Except when the people cleared I couldn't find him anywhere. It's one of the worst experiences of my life. Security guards telling me to just wait, me yelling at them "I've lost my toddler I'm not going to fucking wait" - I'm very mild mannered normally and would never normally dream of talking to anyone like that, let alone the people trying to help me. Eventually I found DC, who had managed to get throught the one way system but unable to get out, happily playing with the door handle. I kept apologising to the security guards while clinging to DS and sobbing uncontrollably. So anyway, the bar is admittedly low, but I think you handled it better than I did!

Last time I was in IKEA I ended up strategically blocking a renegade toddler which allowed his mum to grab and reclaim him. Balance was restored to The Force.

I've ended up firmly removing DS1 from a McDonalds because his behaviour wasn't up to scratch... he was 11. He was brewing up quite rapidly into sensory overwhelm and meltdown so it was better for him and everyone in the vincinity to remove him from the situation.

His finest hour was age 2 in the entrance of the supermarket where he screamed and polished the floor for at least an eternity. I was 38 weeks pregnant, had SPD and crutches and could neither move my broken body to the toy aisle where he wanted to go, nor bend down to pick him up. Reins and crutches do not mix, and I hadn't been able to push a buggy for months so was left entirely dependent on DS's very minimal good will. I was saved by a delightful old couple who asked my permission to pick him up and then insisted on putting him on a nearby ride-on and even putting 50p in to cheer him up. After that he could be walked safely to the car. We'd only gone out because the cafe was one of the few places near enough to guarenteed parking and ease the tedium of a very long winter by doing something out of the house.

DS2 taught us the lost child code at Costco before being collared by security. I'm normally pretty cool, but that one sent my blood pressure up. He was 3 and hadn't bolted in ages. He gave himself a fright with that one and it was the last time. He'd also grown out of needing to be rescued from trees around then.

How I do not have more grey hairs, I do not know!
I'm so glad I did C25k when DS2 was a baby because an ability to sprint with no notice was incredibly useful.

I'm one and done! But thanks for planning my divorce...

That sounds like a book I read as a small DC something about 2 children getting lost in a palace (rather than a museum!). Oh the larks I had once or twice as an older DC getting lost in the British Museum with DB and friends!

Just remembered SIL took her DS then 2 at the time to a museum in Edinburgh not sure which but he apparently bolted down a corridor wearing some sort of dress up Scotch shawl and perused by SIL, DB and a museum security staff and managed to open a door he shouldn’t have an evade a curator (seated) or museum watch staff in galleries/exhibition areas. SIL was in tears after that and needed a strong coffee.

Luvkily DNephew (5 but in his sixth year) doesn’t bolt much now if at all but museums eg old Bethnal Green Museum of Childhood aren’t made for bolters and can be a bit unsafe inside and outside. Also it’s great to take DC out and immerse them in culture from a young age, but too tip, ensure a good park/cafe/softplay is nearby.

You were fine. Your kid, your call.
You were the only one who was there to fetch him. You had to act quickly and choose. All options were difficult.

It is a very child UNfriendly museum that doesn't allow for umbrella prams. They should have some to borrow.

Small children often can not keep their hands off museum exhibits.

I would be writing a letter as feed back to help them improve the experience for visiting families.

Reins.

@ICantbelieveitMeldrew that museum literally has a dedicated play area for young children that age of course it is set up and appropriate for them to visit. I’m surprised by all these people saying not to take children to museums. Children are part of society- it feels like a not be seen or heard approach.
Op I was you literally last week. Took my 3 Year old and baby to a half term event. My 3 year old NEEDS to be taken out for stimulation variety etc otherwise behaviour deteriorates. I had no idea until I got there that buggies had to be parked up. He bolted running faster and further than ever and ignoring my stops which he usually responded to. I did raise my voice when I caught up with him. It’s no bad thing him seeing the affect of his behaviour and seriousness of the situation.

You couldn't have done owt else. No one would be judging you. I had to take my 6 year old out of a service station food court and go eat in the car as he was having a meltdown about a toddler playing with the toys in this little kids play area next to where we were sitting. You deal with situations how you deem appropriate at the time