To have yelled and dragged child out

[Yellinginmuseum]

I know I was being unreasonable but I’m not sure how else I should have dealt with this.

I took my three year old and nearly 1 year old - not yet walking - to a museum. It wasn’t pram friendly so had to carry her round and she’s heavy. Three year old went round and enjoyed it and then wanted to go back in. It was a one way system so was trying to explain to him he couldn’t get in through the door he was trying. He ended up having a tantrum. Eventually he shot off and ran in through the right door, I tried to follow but a crowd of people got in my way and when I eventually caught up with him I was saying his name over and over and he was just blanking me. In the end I shouted STOP IGNORING ME and dragged him out

I am not sure what else I should have done.

As my Nan would say in regard to outing with small kids…

it’s hard work having fun.

well done on doing the outing and surviving, it will get easier

3 and 1 is not too young to go to any kind of museum (well, maybe the museum of dusty library tickets would be a push). You've got to learn how to go to museums to enjoy them, just like anything else.

Yes I did say it might not be possible to hold them both at once. I was thinking if you'd left the pram next to the entrance and could strap baby in while you went to retrieve him, but I don't know what the layout was, that might not have been possible. Also I know some people don't like leaving their DC out of sight which is fair.

I suppose ideal response when carrying a baby is to crouch down in front of child and touch them on the arm to get their attention, then explain that we need to go, validate feelings etc but that won't always work depending on what state they are in, if their reaction to conflict is to bolt etc. So you might end up having to grab their hand and steer them out screaming anyway.

No, you did nothing wrong. Sometimes you do just have to grab and run.

I'm a big believer in trying to explain things logically no matter what the age. I've talked toddler DC out of some really destructive impulses. But that tactic has no guarantee of success. If they're determined to cause mischief, you have to just get them out of there by any means!

I'm really sorry, I'm genuinely not trying to be provocative. You posted asking if you were being unreasonable. As part of your post, you said you weren't sure what else you could have done. In response to that, I posted that you could have not shouted, "Stop ignoring me!" at him.

Assuming you don’t mean actual dragging, I see nothing wrong.

Honestly you didn't do anything wrong OP. Maybe reins would have prevented that incident but not easy to carry a one year old the whole time with the 3yo on reins as well so they may well have just caused a different disaster. I think in any outing with multiple small children at least one disaster is inevitable.

I'm all for calm talking and validating feelings when it comes to things like sharing, but running away is a non negotiable for me and a guaranteed strict telling off. They need to learn they can't do that in case the next time is by the road.

You see this is why I don’t go anywhere.

OP - you sound like you dealt with it fine. It’s really hard with those ages. Many wouldn’t even have gone.

I don't follow?! Yes, this is one of those annoying and stressful situations that occurs sometimes with the tiny, drunk people children.

I tended to find that getting ahead of potential problems worked quite well - I.e. making the toddler focus on me and seeing expectations for behaviour in simple terms before we start the activity, but it's not foolproof, and sometimes you do what you have to do to keep everyone safe.

Why are you being so hard on yourself? Everyone's alive and home safely. Have a bit of gin and start fresh tomorrow!

It's great he loved the museum that much! I don't think you did anything wrong - I've shouted at my DD a number of times in the last 22 years and she's pretty much fine, and still lives me. I would get reins though, for extra peace of mind if you have a runner. We had some gorgeous leather reins that had a handle on the body harness bit, so that obstreperous small children could be picked up like a handbag and carried away.

I don't see the problem. What else would you have done?

These things happen! I would have had baby on my back & held the 3 yr old's hand BUT at some point I would have been sitting to feed the baby & 3 yr old would have caused stress at that point.

FWIW I have always explained to small children that when Mummy or Daddy get cross it's because we're actually scared. In this case you were scared of being separated from your 3 yr old.

I always apologised to mine if I got cross /shouted & explained why.

Tomorrow will be a better day

Museums are wonderful places for children and your 3yr old loved it so much he busted his way back in for another round!

You did nothing wrong. Taking little kids out is hard work and tantrums are usually inevitable. I shouted at mine loads when they were little and doing things they shouldn’t have been doing.

I don’t think there was much else you could do. No stroller, babe in arms, kid goes running. By shouting you made DS know he was not making a good choice, and others aware of situation which sometimes can be helpful.

You weren't BU

Kids are sent to try our patience

Anyone who says their little darling hasn't had a tantrum is either high or lying

You'll look back and laugh

After wine, obviously

Who hasn't done this in a supermarket at one time or another? I think you did well to carry the one year old all the way round - I probably wouldn't have even got that far!

I was struggling which is why I was short tempered and shouty.

Normal but exhausting for you and your toddler.
It wasn't going to be a great location to explain to a small person why adults have one way systems there but not in all buildings and it wasn't going to make much sense to your toddler as its not a black and white rule.
Toddlers who are over excited or engrossed into what they're doing haven't got the brain capacity to stretch to following instructions. They weren't ignoring you, they simply don't have the brain development until 6/7 years old when they are having the time of their life.
I think you and your toddler handled the situation like a champ! Must have been hard work and you and your toddler definitely need some strong coffee/ice-cream to down regulate and de stress.

A generation or two ago, most mothers would have given him a hard smack for running off.

You got the situation under control without resorting to that, so you did pretty well.

I can’t see what else you could have done? I would have grabbed mine and hauled them out. I never had to manage a baby while grappling with a 3 year old though so I was able to pick up said 3 year old, kicking and screaming( the DS not me … ). DS2 had to wear reins until almost 4 as he was a bolter.

If your carrying a 1yr old too, I’m not sure there’s much choice.

reigns was never for nothing. ...we went as far as use fishing gut to sew an extension lead on- but-needs must. breath.you are human

I've just got back from an afternoon at the Balloon Museum. My kids are late primary but there were loads of babies, preschoolers etc there. As expected there were a few tantrums, especially as we were leaving around 4.30, as the littlies were getting tired and ratty. One mum was trying to negotiate with her little girl (I'd say about 3yo). Little darling was having none of it 😂, mum eventually scooped her up under one arm and stalked out. I have also been that mum 😁😁. You were fine OP I've no idea what I would have done differently.

Fishing gut? Is that a typo? 😄

3 year olds can be absolutely heavenly. They can also be utter gits. Don’t beat yourself up!!

And human.

I've never shouted at any one in my life but I've shouted at my kids more times than I can count. This week. I don't know any other mums who wouldn't say the same.

They push my buttons like no one else, and bolting in a public place would've been like whack-a-mole.

Please just take the win of getting through the day and focus on the lovely bits before that. You're doing a great job.