Do I just give up? Am I just destined to be fat

[Sianholby]

Just coming in here as I’m just feeling down at the moment. I’m perimenopausal, just started HRT and hate the way I look.
I swim and go on our home cross trainer twice a week. I work full time and have three kids. We eat relatively healthily and I’m trying to cut down my carbs.

i just look like a whale, my belly sticks out further than my breasts. I can just can’t shift this weight.
iVe attached a photo of me currently, I want to lose the belly and the fat below my breasts that sticks out. Any tips as exercising three times a week around work and children and walking almost everywhere just isn’t doing it

I agree with @brunettemic, there is some terrible advice above.
Yes you do need to be in a calorie deficit but you do not need to cut out foods you enjoy, or starve yourself. I’m 5’3’’ size 14, 47yr old, eating 1800-1900 calories a day (on average over the week) and I’m reliably losing weight
Portion control has been the main thing for me, and we still have a takeaway once a week

@brunettemic

What are you basing this 'stupid keto', 'stupid intermittent fasting' opinion on?

Do you want some scientific articles with evidence to refute your opinion, or are you set in your critical uneducated views?

You can lose weight by only eating crisps and chocolate as long as you consume fewer calories than you burn

This is true. But the parameters aren't 'lose weight' and 'don't lose weight'. The parameters are 'lose weight easily/healthily', and 'lose weight with difficulty/unhealthily'. There's a lot more to the complex human body's workings than your simple 'Eat less, get thin' advice. People put on weight due to hormonal changes, for example.

@Sianholby Is your exercise all cardiovascular? Have you tried lifting weights? What are your feelings about doing that?

I've not read the entire thread, op, so apologies if someone has already mentioned this, but could you have diastasis recti? Where the abdominal muscles come apart during pregnancy and don't always knit back together properly again afterwards. After 3 children, it's certainly a possibility. I have 4 children, and I look like you. The tell-tale sign to me is the little bump under your breasts. Does your abdomen go into a cone shape when you do a sit-up? That would be caused by diastasis recti.

Of course, with a BMI of 30, some weight loss will improve the appearance of it, with less fat in that general area, but it might also be worth speaking to a physiotherapist who has knowledge in post pregnancy exercises.

Ive been losing weight recently, as a result of giving up dairy and wheat (because of intolerances). The weight loss has been a happy side effect of that, as I don't actually feel like I'm eating less. It's been slow, but steady, and it's definitely improving the appearance of my diastasis recti and general abdominal area.

I think there is a hormonal and genetic element too, as I was slim enough until my mid-forties. My mum is a size 8 and has a belly!

@brunettemic that's not strictly true if you eat 1500 of UPF or "crap" you are nutritionally deficient which has an impact on how your body processes what you do eat. Lots of relatively new research results on these.

The low carb diet is about cutting out refined and processed sugar which has a large impact on nutrition and feeling satisfied on far fewer calories.

Sadly most of us are addicted to carbs ie sugar.

OP it's true that you could lose weight by dropping to 1000 calories, or fasting, or cutting out all carbs and sugar.... But for many people it isn't sustainable because it's bloody depressing. It also won't necessarily change your shape, it would make you smaller but you might not feel you look 'better'.

I'd second what people have said about speaking to your GP about the HRT. And seriously look at weight training/resistance training instead of the cross trainer. I'm a few years younger than you, same height and have a tendency to gain weight around my middle. My weight gradually crept up on 1500-1600 calories a day. For a few years now I've trained with (heavy) weights, and because I carry more muscle on my body I can eat 1800 calories a day without gaining weight. That is so much easier to manage and still enjoy life. Not just that though - my arms and shoulders are broader which means my waist looks smaller - I've lost a bit round my waist but not loads, however people comment that I look like I've lost weight. I look 'toned' because I have a (tiny!) bit of muscle definition. My posture is better, I feel more energetic and I've reduced my risk of osteoporosis (something that runs in my family)

If you're already taking the time to exercise it's worth considering switching it for something that will give you noticeable results. It doesn't happen overnight but it does change things.

You look a lot like I do! But you seem to be leaning way back so your breasts look smaller than your belly? That doesn't look like it would be the case if you just stood up tall.

I'm focusing on yoga and cutting out booze for now. Will maybe then tackle sweets, but taking one thing at a time...

I agree with people saying exercise won't help that much, but yoga in particular makes a massive difference to how I look and feel although it won't cause me to lose weight

Can one have diastiasis recti if your youngest DC is 19?😂And what can be done about it? Asking for a friend.

The lighter you get the lower your calories requirements drop though. I got to BMI of 21, and loved how that felt, but at 8 stone 10 and 5' 4" then, could only maintain that by keeping to 1600 calories. 1700 if I walked a lot. If I hadn't cut out a lot of foods I enjoyed, I'd not have had enough calories available to meet my nutrional needs. The OP may find initially she can lose on more and include 'treats' as she's heavier to start with, but at her height when she's at her ideal weight, she will need to be strict to maintain it. Or settle for a higher weight of course.

Another bit of advice to swap the cross trainer for weight training. It will change your body’s shape.

. I’m 5’3’’ size 14, 47yr old, eating 1800-1900 calories a day (on average over the week) and I’m reliably losing weight

Do you have a lot of weight to lose or a very active lifestyle?

Cut out ultra processed food, which includes most store bought bread, as far as possible. Don’t bother with low fat stuff. Do weights or some other resistance training. Reformer Pilates is very effective, as long as you go frequently and consistently. It would really tone your core and improve your posture. I also like weights based circuits classes. The cross trainer won’t be making much difference. Walking every day really helps me keep my weight in check, but I push myself to walk really fast. It’s really disappointing how few calories exercise burns.

How frequently do you eat/snack, and how much flour and sugar do you eat?

What is a typical day's food/drink for you @Sianholby? If you could list out what you've eaten/drunk over the last couple of days or so, that would help us to spot anything that we might be able to help you with.

Eat less calories. I'm peri (on HRT, patches and progesterone). I've lost 9kg in 6 weeks on 1200 cals a day via MFP. I don't 'try' to stick to it. I stick to it. It works. I log EVERYTHING that passes my lips. I still go to Maccys with my dc, but I'll have a grilled chicken salad rather than a quarter pounder with cheese. You have to be honest and make different choices. I've another couple of kgs to lose, then I'll up my calorie intake to maintain whist increasing exercise. The only food I avoid is bread. It bloats me. I eat anything else I want, but stay within my daily calorie allowance.

Wow @Viewfrommyhouse that's amazing, in peri. May I ask how much you had to lose?

Have you tried the fast 800 / blood sugar diet?
I'm in a similar situation and don't seem to be able to lose any menopausal weight! But I've started this last week and am now 5lbs lighter.
I'm similar height to you - you really should keep to under 1200 and ignore calories earned through exercise. It's tough. Good luck!

Do you have anything going on with your digestive system. My tummy looks like this when I’m bloated from an IBS flare up.

Acupuncture really helps to release the boating. Day-to-day I have to avoid greasy, raw and sugary foods, as well as diary. Unfortunately this means having a few glasses of ice water and eating a cold salad can cause excessive bloating

OP, use the online calculator to establish your Base Metabolic Rate - How many calories you'll maintain your weight at if you do absolutely nothing but lie in bed all day. Very conservatively factor in your calorie expenditure through activity and then adjust your diet so that your consumption is around 500 calories per day under this. Keto, slimming world etc. work because of calorie deficit. That's what you'll need. Be strict about portions, weigh your food, particularly carbs, and be careful with oils, butters, full fat milk etc.

Good on you for wanting to do something about it. My advice main advice is to avoid sneaky extra calories. There is no way on this earth that if you genuinely eat 1500 calories per day with a BMI of 30, that you will not lose weight. If that is happening, there is either something very rare and medical going on, or calorie consumption is being underestimated.

Eat smaller portions and get out and about moving around.

OP, please also check for fibroids. I had them, and they can cause bloating.

I too when I use MFP to stick to 1200 lose weight consistently and easily.

It's the sticking to it and only having lunch and dinner daily that is difficult. I suffer with insomnia and am so tired so not having snacks is hard. The times I have gone cold Turkey on carbs it's been easy to stick to.

In my 50s. Menopausal apple shaped couch potato bar Pilates

Sure! Started at 92.7kg at the beginning of Jan, was 83.5kg on Saturday gone (I weigh once a week on a Saturday morning). Want to get to 80.7kg (that's where I was happy, just before 'Rona ruined everything in March 2020). The first few weeks saw the highest weekly losses, then it calmed down a bit.

I cheat with my meals - I buy calorie controlled ready meals for most of my lunches/dinners. Rarely have breakfast (but that's not new, I've never been a breakfast person). What's helped most though is avoiding bread. I have the occasional sandwich made with Thins, but that's it. Upped my protein intake (lots of eggs particularly, I love eggs). If I fancy a packet of crisps, I'll have them, but I log the calories on MFP, and as I said, I stick to the limit I've set for the day.

It does take willpower and I did fall off a couple of weeks ago and have a kebab 😳 but still logged it, and got back on it the next day. Its not easy to lose weight, but it is technically pretty simple - medical conditions not withstanding - and I got so fed up feeling gross and miserable.

You say you don't drink "that much", but none at all is better. Not only will the water weight in your belly go away, you'll have more energy, your body will work better to break down food and fat, you'll sleep better which is also important for weight loss and to keep your body regulated, your skin will be better.... the list goes on.

I have about 5kg to lose. Office based job but weight train four times a week with heavy weights and try to get out on my bike on the other days - which does not always happen