Do I just give up? Am I just destined to be fat

[Sianholby]

Just coming in here as I’m just feeling down at the moment. I’m perimenopausal, just started HRT and hate the way I look.
I swim and go on our home cross trainer twice a week. I work full time and have three kids. We eat relatively healthily and I’m trying to cut down my carbs.

i just look like a whale, my belly sticks out further than my breasts. I can just can’t shift this weight.
iVe attached a photo of me currently, I want to lose the belly and the fat below my breasts that sticks out. Any tips as exercising three times a week around work and children and walking almost everywhere just isn’t doing it

Intermittent fasting works for me!

Get yourself a good old fashioned dinner plate from the 1970’s, charity shop should have one and that’s your plate size from now on. I was over eating a bit and swapped to an old plate of DH Grandmother’s, we have a few. I also kicked my latte habit and just have a regular coffee now. I didn’t have much to lose just a little but it made it achievable, I did also really cut down on carbs.

Lattés were a huge factor in me becoming obese in the first place. They're very sneaky.

If anyone doubts this or wants to tell themself a latté every day is OK, remember people who lost weight through illness people are told to drink glasses of milk to gain weight!

Similar body shape here. Before Christmas I was doing intermittent fasting eating 10-6. (So a piece of fruit/ yogurt/ breakfast biscuit at 10 then proper lunch and dinner) and it was working slowly but surely. I also felt a little lighter and wasn’t constantly thinking about food once I got used to it. X x x

You actually look slimmer than BMI 30, at least to my eyes! You are clearly an apple shape (I'm the same so feel your pain) I know how hard it is to feel slim with our body shape, I'm in the healthy range but still feel the bloat (especially when I am menstruating) I have no real advice but I just wanted to say you look a lot better than you think you do.

Agree with this. I am 5ft 1in and went on a TDEE (total daily energy expenditure) calculator online. Turned out I only needed 1200 calories a day. I was horrified as had been aiming for 1500. I found cutting down on carbs really helpful.

I have between 1000 and 1200 on fast days, and I'm far taller and very active.

Suggest you eliminate most carbs like white bread, rice etc. and ban all added sugar. Also no alcohol. Up your lean protein.

And, more importantly fast, 19/5 or 20/4 for three days a week, 16/8 for two days a week, the other days off (but still under about 1300 calories).

I agree, posture is half the battle! Definitely take up pilates.

My BMI has gone from 32 to 24 with Ozempic/Wegovy. The price has come back down now as well. So if you can afford it and can cope with some side effects like nausea in the early days, it’s something to consider.

OP what do you eat on a typical day and is it possible your over allowing for your exercise eg you burn 300 so think you eat 350 when actually you only burned 250?

I'm the exact same shape as you, OP.

The only way I've managed to flatten down my stomach (and even then it wasn't completely flat) was to really really (obsessively) control my calories - whether that's intermittent fasting (which, is really just skipping meals), or sticking to 1200 calories per day (upping it to 1500 if I exercise regularly).

It's so frustrating that the options for staying slim(mer) feel so unsustainable - I'm not one of those people who if they eat reasonably, and exercise moderately, will ever stay slim.

I'm very surprised MFP said 1500 to lose weight. How many calories is it saying that exercise burns and are you being 100% accurate with length and type of exercise as well as what you eat.

My maintenance calorie level is 1400 a I'm 5, to lose weight I need to be very strict on 1200 and ignore calories burned through exercise.

A great exercise to flatten your tummy is dead bugs and dish hold.

I'm the same, @AnnoyingMildew . It takes constant effort and I can't take my eye off the ball. But, going back to the idea of feeling it's impossible, no I don't think it's impossible or that we have to give up.

On a positive note your legs look great

I agree about the calories. For a short woman after a certain age the requirement seems tiny compared to what has become the norm to eat (and drink) these days. It doesn't help that we spend most of our lives believing the 'average' woman needs 2000 calories a day, when this often applies only to younger, taller and more active women than ourselves.

My BMI is 23.6 , size 10-12, and I am your shape. I am Asian and genetically predisposed to store fat on my belly. I am also menopausal. It sucks. No matter how much weight I lose, it only goes off my breasts and bum.

Agree with those saying go easy on yourself OP. A lot of people would dream of being a size 12-14.

Reducing calorie intake consistently is hard! Especially when busy and tired looking after 3 children. My top tip would be to swap whatever you are having for lunch with a can of soup. It’s low cal, it’s cheap and it usually has a portion of veg. If you do that and make no other changes, you will drop some weight, I’m sure!

You sound like you are doing a good amount of exercise. If you added a 30 minute brisk walk every evening I think that would help. I go after DH gets in from work. I have a 30 minute circuit I do. I try really hard to do it whatever the weather and I find it makes a difference and gives me 30 minutes to think, when no one else is talking at to me.

Definitely don’t give up!

There’s some horrific advice on here, cut out this, cut out that…do not do that. Cutting things completely out of your diet and all these stupid keto diets, intermittent fasting is nonsense. You just have to manage your diet, control portions and be sensible. There’s a quote, “you can eat anything but you can’t eat everything”, which is so true. The reason people fail is because they start eating abnormally (keto, fasting etc) and then as soon as they go back to normal it’s all a waste of time. You can lose weight by only eating crisps and chocolate as long as you consume fewer calories than you burn (I’m not saying just eat crisps and chocolate!). Set realistic goals, eg lose 1lb a week, make small changes, eg an extra 500 steps per day than you do now etc. Don’t obsess over scales or how you look and you’ll start to see changes.

@brunettemic I don't believe in dieting either, but am not sure what you suggest works for menopausal women.
I do need to do more lifting and build muscle, which I find super boring.
My diet cannot get any healthier, since I don't eat processed food and never have.

Plenty of us on Weight Loss Chat low carb and/or do intermittent fasting and have had great success with it. Yes, it takes discipline like most things that are worth doing. Dieting and losing weight does involve cutting things out, that is logical because (apart from a few illnesses and drugs etc.) weight gain is caused by excess.

I'm a size 8 (tops) and 10 (bottoms). I feel pretty confident about giving advice on how I did that and maintained it. You can do this, @Sianholby !

I agree to an extent @brunettemic but when you have so few calories to play with, you have to make hard choices to make sure you get all the nutrients you need and don't feel hungry all the time. Cutting out some things altogether like alcohol and foods of low value, or foods where there are a lot of calories for the nutrition supplied (like dairy and processed carbs) snd focusing on whole foods, ideally mainly plants, for example, is pretty restrictive, but can give you a lot more bang for your buck.

I tried IF and am still doing it, but the weight only melts off my bum. Attempt low carb most days. It's very tough for me as I am veggie.

I recently had a hysterectomy; not sure if that has anything to do with anything.

I probably eat 40 plants a week. I have been Zoe since my childhood😁But not making much difference in menopause.

A very straightforward way to close the gap between belly and breast projection is to buy a new bra! A middle-aged 'bosom' requires more scaffolding to stay up front near the collarbones than it would have taken in your 20s, so you may need to invest - proper measurements (probably less band more cup), sturdy construction and uplift including side support panels.

@Sususudio I’ve oversimplified yes but the only way to lose weight, in the sense of removing excess fat, is to burn more than you consume, that’s a scientific fact. I agree about a mix of exercise between cardio and strength (I use resistance bands workouts on YouTube) but in the context of OP jumping into a whole new exercise regime is likely to fail, hence the small adjustments approach. You can trace back almost any “failed” attempt to shape up, lose weight or whatever to someone trying to make changes that are too big too quickly, setting unrealistic goals and the chances not being sustainable.