daughter was asked to leave homebase because she's under 18?

[whatisgoingonitw]

My daughter and her friend (both 15) went shopping yesterday and nipped into Homebase as my daughter wanted a plant and her friend wanted a heated blanket. They were approached by a member of staff who said “what age are you both you don’t look old enough to be in here” they replied 15. The member of staff asked them to leave as you need to be 18 to shop. My daughter is very straight forward and says how it is, she told the member of staff no as that is not true. The girls continued to walk around the store and they were followed by this lady who works there. They got to the till and paid with no issues the employee at the till didn’t mention age. My daughter told me this when she got home and explained the employee was rude and followed them around the store as well as giving them “dirty looks” I rung the store today to speak to a manager as that customer service is not okay. He told me you do infact need to be with an adult 18+ to shop. Is this serious? I can’t find anything on the website.

@LutonBeds What is it you "wonder" about 16yr olds being on their own? I can answer that as I had my own place at 16. What do you want to know?

If there were such a ban, there would be signage. Or there should be.

Nothing difficult - but expecting telepathy is unhelpful.

And if there were such a policy, the cashier clearly didn't know about it.

So something has gone wrong somewhere.

As for knives etc, they can't be sold to under 18s, so that's a straw man.

And managers defer to their head office management.

Yes it’s quite apparent you would be mortified if your daughter or any other girl stood up for herself in any way.

Not this again. The manager says “we’ve had so much trouble with teens that I want them challenged and if they’re not with an adult please ask them to leave”.

Is that not official enough?

It is a matter of hiding your true self. Always behaving in a way that is contrary to your nature is hard. BUT I don't know anyone who uses their autism as an excuse to be rude, most I know put a huge amount of effort into not accidentally offending people, it doesn't always work though! I'm surprised that someone like you with so much experience of autism had never heard of masking or burnout.

I am not talking about basic manners either. I am talking about the little social rules like not being too direct (very British). Not answering all questions honestly (of course you don't look fat!). Using the right 'tone'. I spent years being accused of being sarcastic when I NEVER use sarcasm! Answering questions with a sentence longer than one word. Small talk. That sort of thing. It's a lot to remember and it's exhausting to keep up with!

Imagine spending every day pretending to be someone else, like a permanent improvisation class or even a very long con! Every time you do something or say something you are doing it as that person. When you get it wrong and realise it you're furious with yourself! People will notice, you'll be found out. Every day. Forever. How long before your nerves would be shot to pieces do you think?

I said “attempts to”. The shop wouldn’t want arguments and can make the process easier by not having u-18s in store. “Straw man” 🙄

Jeez, so much work by posters to appoint themselves Queen Of Homebase.

Why? Because she answered someone back? Girls do not have to be made of sugar and spice. Good for her for sticking up for herself.

I've always been very against ageism towards young people, and this is no different. While it is true that businesses are allowed to refuse to serve people, they aren't allowed to use a protected characteristic as the reason, and age is one of the 9 protected characteristics (which seems to get forgotten a lot of the time). And no, the daughter wasn't being rude or annoying. Stating your case neutrally and factually is NOT rude and NOT wrong - it's good that she has learned to speak up for herself. We need to get away from this nonsense, with girls in particular. OP YANBU to intervene. I would, although I'd encourage my daughter to complain herself with my backup, or on a joint letter, in the first instance

How it can happen when you can’t have a mortgage or rental contract until you’re 18. And even when you’re 18, you won’t have any credit history so unlikely to pass credit checks.

I knew one person growing up who had her own place at 16 as her mum chucked her out, that was through SS, as she was too old for foster care, mum wouldn’t have her back and no relatives who could step in. I also worked in an FE college and there was 1 person who had a place at 16, again through SS due to family breakdown.

Yes they do as long as they are in line with official Homebase policy. This is not. homebase considers blanket bans based on age to be discrimination, despite the law allowing for it. Therefore it should not be store policy.

What are you talking about? This is getting weird.

Maybe because they could have access to very dangerous objects throughout the store regardless of what they are buying.
I do understand that your daughter is confident but surely she should not speak to a staff member so rudely?

There’s a big difference between standing up for yourself in a polite and diplomatic way rather than a rude and entitled ‘I know best’ way. Unfortunately it sounds like OPs DD did it in the latter, which I would definitely not be proud of or encouraging. If my DD spoke like that to a worker in a shop I would most certainly be mortified. Thankfully she has basic manners so it’s not going to be an issue for us

Where I live, no under-18s without an adult are allowed into the shopping centre after 16.30 due to the prevalence of antisocial behaviour. It includes Morrisons, McDonald's, KFC.

You can stick up for yourself in a polite and mature manner which will get you much further in life than just being plain rude and having a superiority complex against a worker just doing their job.

Oh Lordy. You’ll get angry posters ringing up Morrisons, Maccies and KFC demanding to know their corporate policies on unaccompanied teenagers.

And others will be on the thread to shout about the appalling demonisation of teens.

@WhatsTheUseOfWorrying It was on national news. It is not great. They just keep the rule-following kids out. The naughty ones will still cause trouble.

She has an early diagnosis and support based on that from her family. That's more than I got.

She’s 19, 20 in a month and got her diagnosis 2 months ago, I’d hardly call that early or particularly supported. Stop using autism as an excuse for your own rudeness and lack of manners

It's absolutely hiding my true self.

I have a very strong sense of right and wrong, although it often doesn't align with other people's. Lying is on the "wrong" list for me. When someone asks me what I think of their new dress, if I don't like it I am put in an awful situation where I must either be honest and considered rude or I must become someone I am not and do not want to be, namely a liar. In the past in my posts I've described the consequence as being that my tongue freezes in my mouth. I now know a proper term for that: "selective mutism".

One of the reasons that I choose male-dominated jobs in large organisations is that the Equality Act and HR will keep the worst aspects of male behaviour in check and I can avoid the social minefield that is working with women, the majority of whom are neurotypical so often do this "fishing for complements" stuff. In short, I work with men so that I don't get into quite as much trouble when my limited masking skills fail.

I was in my forties. I spent my whole adulthood fucking up and blaming myself for it. Your DD has been spared that. I am glad for her.

This thread is reminding me why I prefer cats over all humans.

"It's just part of the landscape of casual, endemic entitlement, I guess."

The thing is, people are entitled to be treated in a respectful way. To have policies which affect them, be visible and polite with a good and clearly explained reason for them to be in place.
If policies just exist in the heads of a few select staff, and delivered in a disrespectful manner, then this opens up certain demographics to officious behaviour. We have to be able to challenge 'authority'.

I suspect this isn't store policy and the manager was trying to do right by his staff and support them. But if it is the case that different branches of a national company can have differing admission policies, then the onus is on them to signpost them and not embarrass kids who are just innocently shopping.

This. You spend your whole life blaming yourself for the social consequences of being disabled because you don't even know that you are disabled.

My first suicide attempt was at age 15. I still have self-harm scars. I'm academically bright but very much low-masking.

The posters who are saying "being autistic isn't an excuse" and "my kid's not like that" are adding to the burden of blame and guilt that all autistic people feel for "not being good enough".

I had a driving license at 16 (Canada) and frequently ran errands for my parents. I would often go to shops and pick up things for home that weren't age restricted. Why would a child of 15 or 16 be a problem in a shop?

If shoplifting is rife, don't allow backpacks or hire security.

Ah yes… I should be so glad that my DD has been so lucky and spared from the realities of the big bad world. Is being unable to attend school for 3 years due to debilitating anxiety enough of a virtue signal for you? No, she did not and does not have it easy but that’s no excuse for not having basic manners. I’m absolutely certain she’d happily tell you that herself.