daughter was asked to leave homebase because she's under 18?

[whatisgoingonitw]

My daughter and her friend (both 15) went shopping yesterday and nipped into Homebase as my daughter wanted a plant and her friend wanted a heated blanket. They were approached by a member of staff who said “what age are you both you don’t look old enough to be in here” they replied 15. The member of staff asked them to leave as you need to be 18 to shop. My daughter is very straight forward and says how it is, she told the member of staff no as that is not true. The girls continued to walk around the store and they were followed by this lady who works there. They got to the till and paid with no issues the employee at the till didn’t mention age. My daughter told me this when she got home and explained the employee was rude and followed them around the store as well as giving them “dirty looks” I rung the store today to speak to a manager as that customer service is not okay. He told me you do infact need to be with an adult 18+ to shop. Is this serious? I can’t find anything on the website.

Thats not true at all

It's best to ignore people like that. It would be easier if it weren't for the fact that so many of them are autistic themselves (whether they realise it or not) so struggle see outside of their own narrow experience, but internalised ableism is still ableism. Temple Grandin is a prime example!

There seems to be an obsession that as some autistic people can mask that we all should all the time, we can't have the NT's feeling uncomfortable! But I am of the mind set that if it doesn't actively harm anyone, why do you have a problem with it?

I ALWAYS say please and thank you. I don't deliberately do anything to upset anyone else. I go out of my way to be kind and to help people. If somebody takes something the wrong way that is THEIR problem, not mine. The constant 'what do you mean by that?' is maddening! I mean what I said! You reading more into it is NOT rudeness on my part, that strikes me as a dishonest/disingenuous person assuming other people are equally dishonest and disingenuous. Who is really the rude one in that encounter?

I was anxious, sexually assaulted at primary school. My parents didn't allow school refusal as an option, hence the suicide attempt aged 15. After leaving A&E at 3am, I still was sent to school the following day.

One of the reasons why I was so anxious and eventually suicidal was that I couldn't figure out why I kept saying the wrong thing. I was layering rule on rule on rule, struggling to resolve rules that contradicted each other. Staying silent wasn't acceptable because then I was "antisocial" and "aloof".

To me, "basic manners" is "please, thank you, excuse me, sorry, and don't swear at people". I can do that. It's all the other stuff that I can't do.

On the "who is the rude one?" front: you reminded me of something else I wrote about the "do you like my dress?" question. I suspect that this might resonate with you: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeing_unreasonable/4846759-to-be-done-with-autism?reply=127555765

I realise it’s been said already upthread, but this is not a Homebase policy.

Telling it like it is = rude

This whole thread seems to be focusing on the OP's daughter. It might not actually be the OP's daughter that the shop assistant took issue with.

As a teen, I used to do all kinds of shopping for my mother on my own, including DIY stuff, and never had an issue. But the few times I went shopping anywhere with a friend tagging along, it was like the difference between night and day. Assistants would take one look at us, and start following us around, or ask what we were there for. I stopped letting anyone come with me, and life went back to normal.

In retrospect, that friend was a melodramatic, impulsive pain in the arse, and I wonder if the adult staff could see that. Perhaps they doubted my ability to keep her in check.

It’s as if you don’t understand that a policy is an official stance, backed up in writing. It’s not a vague idea in a manager’s head. That’s what I mean.

I hate rudeness.

Old, young, male, female.

Particularly when it is directed at someone who isn't in a position to "strike"* back, and is just trying to do the job they are paid for.

*"strike" is in inverted commas so that you can tell I don't really mean "hit" or show violence in any form.

This is the response I received too. I feel really sorry for those girls going in for a plant and a heated blanket. The out and out hostility towards young people here is really concerning. My teenagers are very nice people, actually. They're boys, so wouldn't have to endure all the 'hussy' and 'mare' stuff. If I was the OP, I'd be celebrating my daughter's ability to stand up for herself while buying a pot plant (!). These awful people who have never been young themselves are never seen in the real world. There are way more hostile thoughts among young people than there are in the heads of some really hateful god's waiting room types here.

If my DD spoke like that…

Like what?! Are you party to some secret recording that the rest of us have missed? Honestly, you are so sanctimonious.

Do you really have nothing better to do with your day than sit and email Homebase with pointless questions that aren’t even relevant to you?

I was referring to your use of misogynistic language.

How old do you have to be to have a part time/Saturday job there? I’m sure my brother worked at Homebase while he was studying for his A levels so was younger than 18…

Ha! Someone’s cross that they’ve been proved wrong ☹️

OP said up thread that her DD openly challenged the staff member on the policy, asserting that she knew better than them. Unless she’s also a Homebase worker she’s none the wiser. Call me old fashioned but I think that is incredibly rude and there is no way that my DD would act like this.

Jeez, so much work by posters to appoint themselves Queen Of Homebase.

When that is obviously OP's daughter's job.

Imperiously "telling it like it is" to staff.

And for those saying that girls should be allowed to question/ stand upper themselves etc - of course they should. That doesn't mean being rude.

And who knows if the DD and her friend were fooling about and acting suspiciously - perhaps pretending to shoplift and getting silly and giggly? Teenagers do daft things.

As others have pointed out, we only have one side of the story here.

I really don’t care about a random Homebase policy, what I do care about is the OP being ‘proud’ of her daughter acting in such a rude and entitled way. It will certainly take her far in life! Not.

Seems harsh, I guess they've had problems in the past but they shouldn't tar everyone with the same brush.

Note: I've lived independently from 15 yr old. Not straight forward and probably harder now but still possible under certain circumstances I believe.

Sure 🫢

There isn't a policy. Except in your head. You're being presumptuous and nasty about a child. You're bitter and twisted. Why are you so cross with 16yr old girls? It's neither nice nor normal. And stop banging on about this imaginary policy. Next time you go to Homebase, maybe they'll escort you out for being useless and inflammatory. And abusing young people. But you wouldn't do it in a shop. Because you know it's not right.

Possibly not, my daughter was told the same.

I presumed it was because they sell solvents, knives, blades etc.

At they end of the day, they can refuse custom to whoever they want.

I have seen similar things. Outside school. Indeed, my own son has been indoctrinated. He's very good at art. So favours picture hooks and a pallette knife. His friend, doing textiles, is lethal with an ugly scatter cushion. Young people are just hopeless. Until your WiFi is on the blink

Abusing young people🤣 Keep it coming, you’re giving me a laugh here! As a parent of my teen DD I stand by what I said, she wouldn’t act like that as she’s mature and has basic manners. Apologies for having unreasonable expectations of young people being respectful towards shop workers

You're kidding, right? Actually finding out the truth behind this pointless exchange we've all been having today WAS the better thing to do! It's a lot more productive than jumping to conclusions based on nothing but our own biases. Hypocritical much?