“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

No lift is the nuisance. When we lived in an upstairs flat I kept the pram in the car boot and had baby in a sling or my arms. If I had a lot of shopping or recycling to deal with I did relays up and down the stairs.

It’s workable but not something I’d want to do.

There is a middle ground between a no lift flat in z3 & a detached house in Surrey. Zone 4/5 parts of London will have cheaper houses.

If you're serious I would look into getting something ground floor level.
Going up and down those stairs with a small child will be a nightmare, children get heavy.
In as little as 6 months that child will be hard to carry in a buggy not to mention it's dangerous, unless one of you carried the buggy and the other the child.
Sounds stressful, yes you could probably make it work but it wouldn't be easy.

If you are happy where you are - a nice location - good well behaved neighbours lol! - this is what matters in the end ! If it suits you and you are happy then don't worry about what your sister thinks. You can always save towards a bigger place when child is older.

With a decent mortgage broker this won’t be relevant. It CAN affect getting a mortgage but it’s not that common and getting it handled by a decent professional will mean it’s barely even an issue.

I thought they looked at childcare costs?

I'm really really pleased I don't have stairs into my house (most houses near us do). It's a pain in the ass with one kid and pram, but unworkable if you have a second. The size of the flat is small but ok - it's the stairs.

We had a baby in a cramped one bedroom flat. It was fine the first year - it's actually ready handy having everything close at hand, no stairs inside to navigate.

We had a pram to begin with which was a pain getting over the steps we did have. But we started using baby carriers and loved them so much we didn't use a stroller until 1yo, and we got a lightweight foldable BabyZen anyway.

At 1yo they do become mobile and our flat started filling up with baby things. So we moved to a much bigger 2 bedroom and that was great too. Baby carried until 4yo and stayed in flats, albeit with lifts, until 6yo.

It's doable especially in the first year and if you have good amenities and transport, but you may find you want to move in a year or two. It would be easier to move before you have a baby.

I loved having my baby in a flat, you can hear them and get to them easily from every room, no stairs to worry about, no running up and down the stairs for muslins and things. We moved when DC was getting on for 3 as we wanted a garden but honestly it was fine. Did make me smile when I was pregnant and a lovely friend unthinkingly said that she'd book a hotel when coming up to stay because she couldn't possibly have her 1 year old in a small FLAT all weekend!

They need only a few things I suppose, but they're all bulky things. Cot, car seat storage, pram/buggy, nappies, high chair etc.

They don't need to be bulky or all of those things.

Cot-not if you're co-sleeping for a start off. I did use a cot for #1 and #2 but #3 was tiny and stayed in the Moses basket until nearly 6 months, and was climbing out of the cot at 7 months. Climbing out wearing a sleeping bag too. So he slept on a mattress on the floor until he was old enough to go into a bed.
Car seat. If you have a car, it can live in the car. If you don't have a car, especially in London, you don't need one.
Pram/buggy-I did have a fairly bulky one of those because it was given us second hand. However if we hadn't had space, then I wouldn't have had it. Best one is a decent umbrella buggy. If the car is parked near, you can keep it in the boot. If not, then I used to lock my buggy in the cycle park with the raincover on when we were out. Or you can carry an umbrella one upstairs with one hand and the baby in the other.
Nappies-surely you never had more than one box at a time?
High Chair- we had a seat that strapped onto an ordinary chair which worked well, but we started with a wooden highchair that folded flat. It would have stored away easily.

I raised my son in a 1 bed flat until he was 2 years old. Then we moved to a 2-bed flat. He’s 15 now and is a wonderful boy. Your sister is bonkers.

It was something that DD was very aware of and would have been taken into consideration. I poopooed it when she told me but it makes a difference as to how much they will lend.

I had my DS in a flat, it actually worked well, as he got older his bedroom was like a playroom and he would ride on his little trikes etc from one room to another.

This. I had my first DC in a flat, 2 beds plus box, small open plan kitchen/diner/living room. It was shit to be honest. No room for anything, constantly on top of each other, summer arrived and I would get loads of pics through of friends kids in their paddling pool or pottering in the garden and felt really jealous. To get some fresh air it had to be a full on ‘excursion’ loading up the pram and going to the local park. DD learned to walk and kept wandering into the kitchen and trying to get into things she should, I had to constantly watch her. Nightmare. If you can list for sale now and get a small house or garden flat with some storage I would do it.

Dp & I live with our baby in a one-bed 2nd floor flat. It's been fine, only thing that's not ideal is never being about to bring baby inside asleep in the pram, that would have really helped when she was smaller.

Do you have/would you get a car? We keep our pram in the boot, never bring it inside.

If the second bedroom can fit all that furniture it's not that small! My youngest is in a literal box room - space for a single bed, a built in wardrobe and that's it. V little floor space.

I think you can do this. Being city centre and walking distance to lots of amenities has a lot of benefits.

The only awkward part is the lack of downstairs storage for a pram. Look into slings I think and only take a pram out when you need to be able to carry shopping.

Just bear in mind you probably will end up wanting to move eventually as they grow, so try to plan for that.

We're in the same position and I get fed up of other people's opinions about it! Friends are always asking whether we plan to move. People in larger homes just can't imagine how they'd live like us, but plenty of people in London live like this! We're also in SW London zone 3 and very happy. DD is 3. At this age at least, I think living area space is more important than bedroom space. She's in a single bedroom and we'll see how it goes. As others have said, there are benefits to being in close quarters in the early years. We know people with older children and teens in small flats too, they are living their lives.

Agree with other posters that pram and stairs are a pain- suggest using a carrier in the early months and then a compact stroller. Working from home has presented some challenges too but we manage it, we've had to coordinate our days carefully but all getting used to it.

It will be fine and you will make it work while your baby is small, but based on significant experience from myself and my friends you will either have moved or will be making serious plans to do so by the time your baby is eighteen months old!

Dp & I live with our baby in a one-bed 2nd floor flat. It's been fine, only thing that's not ideal is never being about to bring baby inside asleep in the pram, that would have really helped when she was smaller.

Do you have/would you get a car? We keep our pram in the boot, never bring it inside.

We lived in a 3rd floor flat until dd was 4, but it had a lift. She liked to be pushed around in her buggy until she fell asleep, then I'd wheel her into the lift and she'd finish her nap in our hall, for a couple of hours. The lift broke down very occasionally - on those days I'd stay outdoors and wait out her nap in a bench. It would have been impossible to take her up the stairs without waking her.

I suppose if you don't have a lift then you'd avoid buggy naps anyway, and do all naps once you're upstairs and in the cot. But it tends to be the baby who decides!

A flat is fine, a 1 bed or even studio flat is fine with a baby. We are city dwellers and even in a bigger house now we tend to spend most of our time out of the house. But flights of stairs sound like a real pain.

Any front or back outside space? You could get one of those outdoor lock box / mini shed for the the pram? My neighbour has quite a decent one (secure and waterproof) but she does have a small front yard area to house it.

I feel like babies have survived in worse than a 2 bed in SW London!

It's fine.
We lived in a one bedroom flat when my baby was born.

@Mellowpink I hope you read this.

We have a one bed flat in central London while our baby is still in their next to me crib and not old enough to be in their own room yet according to guidelines by the Lullaby Trust. We’re looking for a two bed in London or even a house in more outer London for when they’re old enough for their own room.

Regarding the lack of lift, practically everyone in London has a Yoyo buggy for this reason and/or transport - with the newborn insert when the baby is young.

In my new mum friends group, we all live in flats and have either one or two rooms. Those of us with one are looking for or about to move into a two bed. I feel like there’s a lot of snobbery about flats on this thread. Our one bed flat cost over half a million pound hence most Londoners live in a flat and not a house.

Oh, my husband also works from home a lot of the time and manages to hold his job down despite our baby being at home for much of the day during the week. 🙄 We’re in baby classes most days though and go for lots of walks.

Yes, a two bed flat or a house would be ideal for you as it would be for us but for the first few months, you’ll be fine.

You might find a child carrier better than a pram or pushchair

3rd floor, no lift, isn’t going to be easy

How hybrid are you? Surely you could find something better that you can commute to and from if it’s only a couple of days a week.