“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

I was born and brought up in a similar flat in South London and lived in it for 22 years until I left home. No problems at all. It was a safe loving home and that's all that matters. Our box room (slightly smaller than 10ft by 8ft) was my bedroom.

I'm starting to think I imagined living in a second floor flat, with a baby, and no car because I couldn't drive. And alone, as DH was abroad with the army.

You chose your pram wisely. We chose one that could be carried one handed if necessary.

Don’t get a pram, a foldable stroller that works from birth like a Yo-Yo would probably work and I think baby wearing would be your friend early on.

I think you will find it hard in the early years but lots of people do it.

You'll be fine, it'll just be a pain getting the buggy up and down stairs for the first couple of years. We were first time buyers in our 40s/50s and had to spend 3 years in a 2 bed flat with two teenagers sharing a room (also zone 3) until we had some equity for a bigger place, so you can certainly do it with a baby.

Look into this type of pushchair. They shouldn't be used for anything other than a short period of time as unsafe for babies. What's your plan when the child gets a bit bigger? Will you then move?

Lots of people have this sort of flat! No problems .Does she think everyone moves into a 4 bed detached because they are having a baby!

We lived in a tiny 2 bed until DS was 4. My pram just lived in the car. Or get a babyzen yoyo. I'd imagine that or a carrier would be handy in London anyway. You don't need every piece of baby equipment, be strict on what you get to save space. I've found with both my DC, wardrobes are pretty pointless when they're little, better to have drawers that all their clothes can be folded into. If you don't have much space for a highchair, get one that straps to a dining chair.

You absolutely could if you had to. But I wouldn't choose it in a million years.

One I would consider though, is DHs pat leave. If you have a section, or 4th degree tear etc you'll likely not be able to manage the stairs with baby for a few weeks. If he only takes 2 weeks you could end up quite stuck for a while.

We stayed 15 up in a high rise when I had my first baby. I absolutely loved my flat! Only downside was when the lifts broke down and I had to carry up 30 flights of stairs 🙃

I raised both my boys in a flat no problems at all.
Room to room was easier than up and down stairs.
I think sometimes you just make it work.

I did it by myself in a second floor flat, but it wasn't much fun.

Do you have a car each? Could you store pram there? The stairs and pram seem to be the main difficulty.

A baby yes, but those babies are quickly children and teenagers, box rooms don’t work for those (if you’re meaning the box rooms to be the same as the box rooms in this part of the country where you can fit a single bed and nowt else, lots of people say box rooms to mean single bedrooms though - if your box room is in fact a single bedroom then you’ll be fine).

Just remember that babies don't stay small forever. They turn into children who need space. And they have a lot of stuff.
And where will your office be?

Don’t be daft! Plenty of people around the world have raised children in all sorts of different homes, including flats. My best friend did it in a flat with no lift as a single mum and her baby, now a teenager, is absolutely grand.

It’s unbelievably poor sighted to think that people are all raising children in four bedroom houses with gardens or whatever. Expand your thinking.

OP you will be fine.

I’ve done this but with a first floor flat and room for the buggy downstairs. It’s doable but exhausting especially if you can’t park your car close by and in the winter/pouring rain. I wouldn’t let it stop you but you might want to think about moving somewhere in the area on the ground floor and with more storage at some point. I had family members losing their reason over it also - there’s no garden!!!! - lots of beautiful parks though 😊

Apart from the stairs it's doable. The only thing to point out is that if you do decide to move already having a child is taken into consideration as to how much a mortgage provider will give you. You will get a better mortgage sans children

OP I want to look at this from another direction. We had a baby and a toddler in a 2nd floor flat (UK floors, so 3rd in US floors) of a similar size when we first came to London. It was hell on earth TBH. And the real shitter is, because we fell off the property ladder when we came to the UK and we had kids before buying a UK house, they now factor all our childcare costs into our affordability (disproportionately) so we are in a weird situation where we have loads of disposable income, a massive deposit, but can't afford an adequate size of home which we could have done if we'd had the opportunity to move here pre-kids.

So now we are stuck renting and are going to have to move out of the SE to buy somewhere that fits two kids! So frustrating when we have good jobs here!

It seems like an easy/lovely idea when there's just one tiny baby, but tiny babies grow (and maternity is LONG if you've no garden) and if you want more than one child you'll really need to move, and when you need to upsize you could find yourselves in the same trap we're in if you don't move pre-kids and get the full mortgage available to you.

The worst thing was when DS started walking and he fell on the stairs and smashed his face in on the concrete steps and the neighbours complained about the noise of him screaming and crying in pain.

You will also struggle to leave in a fire post-CS if you need one.

Yes lots of people do it but it's not ideal, and those who apparently lived in a high flat with no lift saying it's fine/great memories etc have VERY rose tinted glasses on.

The no lift & 3rd floor would drive my mad personally.

With a decent mortgage broker this won’t be relevant. It CAN affect getting a mortgage but it’s not that common and getting it handled by a decent professional will mean it’s barely even an issue.

It wouldn’t be ideal and you might change your mind pretty quickly about moving somewhere more suitable but there’s no reason why you can’t live where you do now with a child, I’m sure plenty of other people live in similar circumstances.

The flat itself is no issue but the stairs and lack of lift is an absolute no for me.

Logistics of getting shopping/baby/pram upstairs alone is not something I’d be willing to do.

I had my son in a 2 bed flat and loved everything being on 1 floor but it was ground floor with its own front door. I wouldn’t do it in your flat.

I voted YABU as whilst I think the flat itself is fine, the stairs would be a nightmare.
Lugging pram + baby + shopping + nappy bag + whatever else would be a nightmare.
I also couldn’t even climb the stairs for weeks after birth due to c section pain and eventually the scar reopening.

We're in the same boat as you OP but we've got a ground floor flat. No room to store a buggy in the hallway so it'll have to come into the flat. It'll be fine for a couple of years until they need bigger stuff (e.g. bikes, scooters, highchairs etc).

You can always put your WFH desk in your bedroom once the baby moves into the spare room.

You don't know how long you'll take to conceive as well, so I'd start trying and worry about the flat later. You can always start making room now e.g. decluttering and making some clever storage hacks.

If you truly want a child, the chances are the benefits of a baby will outweigh the cons of living in a flat.