“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

No lift is a pain, especially if you have a c section. Or cannot walk properly whilst being pregnant.
Is there anywhere for the pram to go downstairs? In the car?
With one child, whilst they are little, it might be ok. Done of it might be painful, coming home with baby, pram, shopping… but doable.
no way with 2 though.

Oh I agree. It’s just poster mentioned being able to take top section off the pram to carry it up so that’s why I said that. I suggested to my auntie she got a one piece suitable from birth! Mines 11 months now and I mainly just use the one piece baby jogger.

Absolutely fine- we did it and I had to carry the pram up the stairs/ transfer baby to carrier on me and carry stuff up. I became very strong!!

She lives in London. You can get anything you want delivered. We live in a third floor flat on top of a hill and have no car. You just pay people to deliver stuff.

I also love the comments about being "cooped up" in a flat. Last time I looked we flat dwellers were actually allowed to leave our flats! Where we are is much better than the suburbs for young kids - within a 15 min safe walk we have two play parks, a massive common, a park, a museum and actual woods.

Extend thatbout to a 25 min walk and you have about 5 more parks/green spaces including a river that is shallow and clean enough for paddling or fishing in the summer.

Right?! There's so much to do with young kids in London and, unlike many other places in the UK, a lot of it is free.

Hey OP, just wanted to say that is absolutely rubbish. We’ve raised our 2 and 1/2 year old in a very similarly described property to yours and it’s totally achievable. Really strange for them to say it’s not possible as many of our friends do this too.

When you get the car, leave pram/buggy in it. Sorted.
There's so much snobbery around flats on this site - not a great place to come for this kind of advice.
You can definitely do it! And raising a little one in London offers such a different life to being in the suburbs. One that I think is fantastic. Hope it all goes well.

I wouldn't delay having a baby because of it, particularly if I was 35+, but I do think lugging the pram up and down the stairs is not the negligible thing some posters are saying.
I suffered with back issues during my first pregnancy, and carrying a fairly hefty baby who didn't walk till about 15 months made it worse. I struggled getting the buggy in and out of the car, let alone carrying it up and down stairs. My back has never recovered ( I write this 30 years later!) It's fine if you don't have or acquire physical issues, but be aware that the peak fitness condition you are in now might change.

I would consider moving if possible, especially if you or DP need to work from home.

Get a sling, stick to 1 and you'll be fine.

Those of us saying it's negligible are saying that because we've actually done it.

It's doable i guess.
Remember though, babies don't stay babies for long. Before you know it, they are teens wanting own space / sleep overs etc. Just looking ahead there!

I think a flat could work. Crikey, there are thousands of families living in flats. No lift could be an issue though?

It will be fine! You may need to move in a few years granted but for the first few years it will be absolutely fine! I had 3 kids in a 2 bed flat for a year or 2 and it’s amazing how u find a place for everything. Don’t let others put you off purely because you live in a flat! It’s a flat not a bunker!! Good Luck with your baby journey! ✨

Exactly what I'm doing now and you get used to it quickly. Just important to have a pram/buggy you can handle on your own while wearing the baby but as long as you do it's fine. Mine can be taken apart so for going up I can go twice to make it easier.

@Notahotmess Yeah of course it's possible. I've had periods where I haven't had a car and got on with buses and trains absolutely fine! I know a couple of people who don't drive and manage their lives on public transport. They're either childless and/or don't tend to leave the immediate area very often, though.

I was grateful to have a car when I had a baby for variety of reasons, some of which I listed, and have found it very useful.

It really depends how much your car insurance is, too. If I had a little banger, mine would probably be around £500 a year. I'd easily spend that on public transport, deliveries and taxis, and then have all the additional faff of using them.

Thats where I'm from and it's totally normal there to have kids in flats with no lifts, though they'll usually have storage for tenants.
I never even considered it would be an issue before having a baby in a third floor walk up myself because of this and it hasn't been.
Plus often just take him out in yhe carrier as well. Does strike me as a funny British thing to require a house before a baby as a lot of friends here did comment on it when I was pregnant.

I agree, OP has said she is late 30s. Imagine missing your chance to ever have DC because you live on the 3rd floor. Many parents in town houses will have a few flights of stairs to climb to the master bedroom.

How would that work if you are on your own? Would you leave a baby alone, 3 flights up to pick up a buggy? Also you may be underestimating how heavy baby carriers/car seats get when baby starts to grow. They are pretty heavy even without a baby in, but carrying a 1 week old in one is vastly different than carrying a 6 month old in one, up 3 floors. Of course you can make it work but it would be stressful, hard work, and far from ideal. If you can fit a double bed and wardrobe etc in your 2nd room, it really ISN'T a box room though, a box room was literally that and more like 6ft by 6ft type of room, which is what it is in your average 30's semi, sounds like your 2nd bedroom is a great size

You do those things because you have a car. If you didn't then you'd have the fun day trips etc within public transport distance.
I think it's quite common for people to hire cars for the odd weekend away. But yes, if you're away every w/e then owning a car is useful.

A smaller house means less room for all the clobber that comes with kids, which is a good thing. Also when they’re on their feet there’s less places for them to run so chasing them isn’t such an effort. Also not as much to clean which is a task having kids. My house is up and downstairs and I have so many toys and crap and it’s such a task to clean upstairs and downstairs. Also you probably won’t need a baby monitor since you won’t ever be far from your baby. It’s definitely doable and not anyone’s business really.

A smaller house means less room for all the clobber that comes with kids, which is a good thing
How is that a good thing?

@Mellowpink please don't delay ttc because of some small minded posters.

I grew up in (mum still lives in) a 2-bed first floor flat (2flights of stairs) in London zone 2. No communal garden but access to large parks and green space in 5mins walk.

I loved it as did my younger brother- shock horror we shared a room until I moved out for university.

I now live in a 4 bed semi in west London and the one thing I know is the more space you have the more crap you buy . A baby doesn't need multiple containers, high chair isn't needed till 6 months and personally instead of a high chair we use Tripp traps so baby sits at the dining table.

Your sister is a snob and frankly some people on this thread live in la la land if they think being raised in a flat with no lift will scar a child. Good luck with whatever you decide @Mellowpink

Means you buy less pointless shite you don't need

Not everybody fills the space they have with pointless shite 🤷🏻‍♀️

With babies people tend to. They really don't need much stuff, nothing that wouldn't fit in a small flat anyway.

Not sure I’d leave the buggy in the car- depends where you live but friends had them stolen in the night!