“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

Oh yes and there are many benefits. Everything is on one floor so you don't have to go up and down stairs all day. You don't have to put the baby upstairs to sleep where they are further away, and when they start crawling around they can explore better without you worrying about stairs.

Doesn't sound perfect or easy but I know so many who have managed just fine, also you may look towards getting a bigger place less central which will be cheaper. Just gotta roll with what you've got and then make changes as and when you want to. X

Exactly: swings and roundabouts, pros and cons.

Like most things…

I have left a baby alone to go down to do laundry or bring up groceries.

Babies are perfectly safe left in a crib and when they're older, a pack & play.

I also had a back carrier I could pop a toddler into to go up and downstairs if they weren't in the mood to spend a few minutes alone.

When I moved into my house I had a basement where the washer and dryer were, and I often got chores like laundry done when the baby or toddler was napping upstairs (two floors up).

Are you suggesting that a parent has to keep an eye on a baby 24/7?

You would keep the buggy in the hall downstairs or in the boot of your car.

I think if you have no lift and no car just don't bother with a pram and get a sling for the first six to nine months and then a baby carrier. They are great anyway for keeping baby close and settled. Space wise you'll be fine with a small room for them, sure you won't even need a separate room for the first six months anyway. You'll be grand for the first few years as long as you can find somewhere suitable to work from home. Giving up your office for baby might be a bit tough.

Hi! Congrats on making the decision and good luck.
I dont want to sound obnoxious but we lived in a large house when baby was born (4 storey london townhouse type) and then moved to a small flat when she was 1 so we could renovate.
honestly i found the flat so much easier as it was all on one level and close together. The stairs will be a massive pain in the ass if you cant leave a buggy at the bottom but honestly not that bad if you can at least leave it in an entry hall and bring baby up first, pop her in the cot while you rush down and grab the buggy. Get a babyzen. They are a dream. Super light.
That big house i lived in had stairs leading up to the front door so you dont escape these issues in a house. I wish we’d been living in a smaller space when she was born and i cant imagine a child needing much more space than their own bedroom before they are a tween.

In case you are still reading this far down...

You don't have to make any decisions yet. Certainly don't let your flat stop you TTC. It could take a year or longer, plus the 9 months of pregnancy itself. Once the baby's here and you settle in a bit, you can see how things are going and think about what you really want. Definitely don't jump into buying a larger place somewhere far flung because that's the "done thing" - it comes with a tradeoff in lifestyle that may or may not be worth it for you. Waiting to see what actually suits your family will also give you longer to save for a larger deposit, and for interest rates to come down, in case you do end up buying.

In the meantime you will manage - tiny babies don't take up much space, the only absolute essential that's bulky is a cot. We lived in a place about the size of yours until DS was 9 months, with no buggy (just used a carrier until he was old enough for a fold up pushchair at 6 months) and no car (still don't have one, we bike everywhere with a child trailer). We were absolutely fine! But yes we did have judgy comments from my sister who couldn't believe we were having a baby in rented property without a tumble dryer...

Carrying a baby up all those stairs with pram and baby bag and before that waking up them when pregnant will be hard but so long as you can mentally deal with that then it will be fine OP. Congratulations btw x

I’m raising two children who are now almost teenagers in a 2 bed zone 3 London, second floor. It’s not ideal and we could try and afford to move but I don’t want this stress. They are very close in age too so I’ve dealt with two very small children with no lift etc etc. I wouldn’t do it any other way. Stairs don’t scare me. I’ve raised them in a stable environment with lots of opportunities on their doorstep in a nice community. DH’s commute is 30 min and I work within a walking distance. My children are happy and content and I’ve never heard them complaining about not having a bigger house even though lots of their friends do live in houses. Space is tight but I don’t mind. This is our little home and I would never say “no” to becoming a parent because of some silly attitudes about flats. Half of the world live in flats.

Store the car seat in the car? There's no need to ever take it out

Agree - a large flat like OP describes centrally located would be great in many ways - no garden would be a downside but otherwise better than somewhere driving required

Most people can walk up some stairs with a newborn in a sling within a week so she won't be stuck in that long.

Also not seeing what's so hard about carrying a baby and walking with a toddler from.the car up one flight of stairs..why do.you.need a pram? If your toddler needs to be dragged perhaps don't bother with the class...

P.S. to my comment above… For quite some time I was able to leave the pushchair downstairs. Later on we were banned from doing so (fire safety), but we’ve got a shed downstairs just like our neighbours, so that’s where the pushchair went. At some point our double pushchair had to go and we bought a small lightweight basic stroller and I used to fold it and take it upstairs where it went to the balcony.

I don’t see how it’s dangerous, but as other posters have said I would have really struggled with the pram and those stairs. My go to with a colicky baby was to get her to sleep in her pram in the flat then wheel her outside if I wanted to do basically anything for the first 4 months. I would have struggled hugely without that option.

This is inadvisable in London. They get stolen a lot.

Cot, floor, playpen, use a baby gate?

@sugar87
Parenting is unpredictable in so many ways. I can’t imagine deciding not to have children because of some stairs…

Really? Second hand infant car seats are not worth much surely?
Do people remove their toddler seats every time as well? Seems unlikely

I agree, but she asked for opinions. That’s mine! I think you’ve misread my comment as I didn’t say don’t do it - I said I’d find it difficult personally.

In my area where there’s only street parking and you cant always park anywhere near your house, most people I know remove them. There’s been lots of cases of smashed windows and seats taken. It’s a pain! Especially now she’s heavy!

Been there. It's fine but I really strongly echo many here: get a ground floor flat if you can! It really makes all the difference

Shopping is fine you just do separately if you're a couple and order online if you're a single parent

You can also get a super light buggy that's foldable like a yo-yo amd a sling. When you get home pop baby in the sling and fold and carry the yo-yo up the stairs

I think it’s too premature to have this kind of conversation. I really hope that things happen for you quickly. If they do, then at that stage you can think about whether your current living arrangements will work for you long term. I agree with others that you may need to keep an open mind about this as it’s probably not ideal to stay where you are, but certainly not impossible in the short term.

But I would definitely not put off trying for a baby in order to move house first, as you don’t know how quickly you will be able to conceive and you may regret waiting.

Go on and have that baby now that your body is ready for it. Yes your flat will be cramped but you'll be looking out for something better, right? And during you motherhood leave you'll be able to be outside a lot, walk and do fun things like baby-yoga etc! It will work out, you'll see!