“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

@Kokeshi123 I know, I remember someone saying to me 'but how will you go to Ikea?!'.

I mean Ikea is fine, but how often do you go? Not weekly surely. Ours delivers the stuff you've just bought to your house that afternoon for £16; I don't even have to load it into the car.

It’s happened to me! And at least 3 other people I know including 1 who has an assigned space in a gated mews (but the pedestrian gate was left open).

Also it’s just not practical enough to be your permanent plan- if you street park and can’t get a close space, if it’s assigned but DH has the car elsewhere when you’re home with baby, if it has to go in for repair etc. You really need something that you can get upstairs whilst carrying baby even if you don’t plan to take it up every time. The YoYo with newborn nest was what we had but there are probably other suitable from birth strollers that would fit the bill.

Also, for Londoners I would recommend something where baby is strapped in rather than loose in a bassinet if you’re going to be on public transport a lot.

Our landlord decided he wanted his flat back when I was about 5 months pregnant and I'd just had a cervical stitch! Anyway we found another flat but somehow I hadn't noticed the 2 flights of stairs up to the door of the building and again to the lift. It certainly wasn't ideal especially after a c section but you manage. And when you can't you move - babies don't care where they live!

How could you "not notice" four flights of stairs you'd just walked up and down?!

It wouldn't cross my mind as a consideration until it was a problem because of major surgery or injury or something. So I wouldn't 'notice' in that way.

I know crazy!! We were desperate and there was probably a bit of baby brain going on but I remember being very shocked when we got the keys and I saw the stairs! Dd1's favourite game at about 18 months when dd2 was just born was to drop a toy over the balcony - we lived abroad.

But it’s not easier or more convenient - that’s the whole point. It’s a matter of perspective. I’d say it is easier and more convenient to raise a child in a flat in a more central London location than to raise a child in a house somewhere on the outskirts where there’s nothing within walking distance and you have to drive everywhere.

It is totally doable. We have been a family of 3 for almost a year now in a small one bedroom flat. Like your situation, it's so expensive to move where we live so we would rather stay where we are for as long as possible to save money. Before our baby was born we had a good clear out of stuff we rarely used to make space for the baby things and have continued to declutter regularly since. Speaking of baby things we kept them small, no huge toys etc. Our place does have a lift but we bought a travel stroller which folds compact and has a carry strap. That might be a good option for you to be able to get it up and down the stairs. We actually keep ours in the car so if you have a vehicle you could do the same and avoid the stairs altogether with it. Also baby carriers are great too, and baby will love having naps snuggled up with you if you decided to forego the pram altogether.
Don't let others opinions stress you out. People all around the world have babies in a variety of housing circumstances, all they really need at the end of the day is a loving caring home! You have got this!

It’ll be fine. And you don’t need a pram or buggy, especially in the city you don’t. You could use a sling or another ergonomic carrier. Easy in the city, takes less space in home.

If you have a car, simply keep the pram in the car. No need to sort with stairs then

You'll be fine. Don't let all the people put you off. Prams can be left in the car or hallway for 2 minutes while you carry the baby upstairs (place in it's cot for safety) and go back down for it. It's done by thousands of people in the UK.

To be fair I think living in a flat could be a bit easier in some ways. If I run upstairs to get the dirty washing or something out of my daughters room, my two year old will have half destroyed the sitting room.

Bare with me, but move to South Croydon. Housing is relatively cheap, transport is excellent, it’s green and leafy (honestly). Schools are good, people are lovely.

Our upstairs neighbours in SW London raining sed three children in a similar second floor flat. They kept the buggy downstairs. They were relaxed about it because in their home country people live in flats.

It's only a cultural paranoia that we all have to live in a 2 up 2 down house at least.

Imagine in Paris - loads of beautiful flats have no lifts.

It's absolutely doable but not particularly pleasant. How would you manage getting a baby upstairs and then going back down to carry a pushchair. The baby doesn't take up much room but all their stuff does. Also, having no immediate outside safe place to play would bother me, being able to let them play outside, while keeping an eye on them and being able to carry out jobs is a godsend.

I had a baby in a second floor flat twice. I kept the buggy in the car and carried baby up. It was easier than now we’re in a house as it just sits in the hallway tripping people up now!

I was born in a five storey tenement flat in Edinburgh the 1950s. My parents had to take me when a baby and my 3 yr old brother up the steep old stairs two or three times a day. I guess it kept them fit (they lived till their 90s).

These days people lack resilience - they want everything easy. Don't listen to your sister -it's your life. Good luck :-)

You have to be seriously entitled to think that this is unreasonable. LOL. OP who ware these people commenting that you are being unreasonable. Wow.

There's ideal circumstances. But let me remind those unbelievable people that the human race has lived in tents, igloos, wigwams, huts... you name it. Baby's have been born in the Amazon, the Sahara, in war...and lived to be perfectly healthy.

The idea that any of you think that someone shouldn't have a baby unless they're living in a perfect home - need to rethink your perspectives in live because you have lost the plot.

You can make anything work. DCs' old nanny had a family of five in a one-bedroom flat. Good luck OP

This was me, I thought I'd be fine, but actually once baby arrived it was a nightmare carrying him up and down three flights of stairs every time I went out...I actually found I just didn't go out as it seemed such a massive effort, which was awful for my mental health. But actually the point at which I just couldn't do it anymore was when he started moving around and there was just no space for him to do anything in our tiny rooms, which were crammed full of baby stuff and furniture. Moving out of London meant more time and money commuting, but day to day life in a house with a garden, room for kids to play and bring able to just walk out my front door is amazing. Of course you could make it work but if you can afford it then honestly I would move.

Do not delay ttc especially on late 30s. You can always move in the future and possibly even change careers if you decided to.

Doable but I wouldn't recommend it. I was like you but by the time my child was two I had enough and moved far out of London. It's when you forget something is the worst and you have to take the baby out the pram go all the way upstairs with a baby your handbag and making sure you don't trip and praying your stuff will be still there by the time you get downstairs. Good luck

I live in a 3rd floor flat no lift in London and we've managed. I imagine your daughter wont be in her own room for a while anyway so dont think about the 2nd room. My daughter is now 2. Although we have the 2nd bedroom it's used for our wardrobes and toy storage. We have a toddler bed and double bed in our bedroom, as our daughter does not want to sleep in her own room (we did try to convert the 2nd one into her room and she was not happy or interested)
You can get up and down the stairs, your child in its bassinet which you carry down and the frame folded and use the shoulder strap to carry that on your shoulder at the same time.
People just like to throw obstacles in the way. But anything can be done if you just think of solutions

Your sister needs to get a grip. I was raised in a flat where my room was so tiny it literally only had my bed in it and you couldn't open the door all the way because of the bed. And when I was 10 my parents and I moved to a one bedroom flat! My parents parents converted the living room into their bedroom. It was absolutely fine. Some people just want to be judgy!

We live in a first floor 2 bed. The baby is 18m and still doesn't need the spare room because he sleeps in with us. We leave the pram downstairs in the hall. If you could find somewhere to put it then life would be a lot easier. Just make sure you have good storage solutions and have everything easy to access. You can put a change mat on a chest of drawers for a change table.

People who say you need a car obviously don't live in London. We don't have a car. You don't need one in a big city. Babies usually hate being in car seats anyway. You can use baby slings / carriers too.

You don’t understand how weak you can be until you are that weak. I think what she means is she’s never had an issue with stairs before and then a c-section casts them in a new light.