“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

I guess if you have got used to not having a car and all your family, friends, local soft play, and a variety of lovely parks and child friendly activities are all within an easy half hour commute, I can see why you would rather save the expense! And obviously I didn't mean fill your car with suncream. It's more that everything I listed all adds up and becomes heavy and bulky to carry on public transport.

Babies can be isolating and having access to a safe, quick and controlled form of transport where you can keep luggage in, was worth it for me! 🙂

She's just thinking it'll be absolute murder carrying a buggy up 3 flights of stairs each time you leave/return to the house.

If you can fit a small double bed in the second bedroom it's absolutely fine. The key issue, as others say, is the stairs. If you can get shopping up, you'll manage. Many people do it. In the cities, tons of people do it.

On the pram / buggy front, I just didn't use the one I'd got, I used a Baby Bjorn baby carrier for all trips, baby on front and nappy bag over shoulder. We went everywhere in the car or on the bus, climbed stairs without having to consider parking a buggy and ate meals in restaurants with baby in situ.
Looking at works for your lifestyle rather than what's the 'norm' is freeing and makes you realize pretty much anything is possible.
Good luck on your parenting adventure!

Half of Europe lives in flats with little ones. I have an acquaintance in Copenhagen with 3 littles and they only just moved to a flat with a lift now her dc are 5, 3 and 1. Even if you don't have a storage space, you can get something to lock buggy up with. You will probably move in the future I'm sure, but it's not a reason not to have a baby.

It's not perfect but it's OK! In other countries it's quite normal to raise children in flats, and frankly I think gardens are overrated. They're unusable much of the year and kids grow out of "play in the garden" pretty soon.

My main concerns would be about soundproofing. What is the situation like in your flat?

If you can leave the pram in a secure place downstairs, definitely get a pram - it's so useful for carting shopping around when you've got a baby and there is a limit to how much you can carry. A lot of people end up doing the "reverse pram" thing where shopping and errand-related stuff goes in the pram and the baby goes in the sling; if the baby's asleep, just walk upstairs with them leaving the pram downstairs; you can always go down and get the shopping later.

If you own your place, I'd consider trying to find a place with an elevator if possible. But if you can't, it's OK. You'll make it work!

I love living centrally and would hate a suburb. Would also hate to spend years on end taxiing older kids and teenagers about everywhere, a phase of life that last a lot longer than a couple of pram-years. Some of my friends, however, prefer life in the suburbs with a car and a garden. We all like different things, and that's great.

Absolutely. We lived in a flat without a garden, although with lots of green space nearby, until my kids were 7 and 9. We've had gardens since then, but in all honesty I think they're more hassle than they're worth, and we hardly ever go out there. The only time I ever seem to spend in the garden is mowing the lawn.

Totally Doable - have done it. When dd was a baby living in central London was amazing and honestly babies take no space at all. We left the pram at the bottom of the stairs (some negotiations were needed with neighbours).
we moved when baby nr2 arrived.
dont listen to your sister , it is your life, your family

Ignore the entitled people who clearly have loads of money to afford huge houses.
i had a baby at 31. In a 2 bed flat of all the horrors! Our flat is large for a flat, the second bedroom is a nice size but honestly, bigger rooms just mean more space for more crap to be stored.
pram stays in the car but we also have a bike shed downstairs with locks.
op, you will be fine. I wish you luck xx

Ok, you have the room and you want to do you will make the space work.the stairs wouldn’t be my choice but hey. My only concern is that you are thinking about making space for both of you to work while having a small baby. If you need two full time incomes while you do this have you looked at childcare costs? It’s not something you can do “on the side” while you wfh. Once they are out of sleepy baby stage (when you are presumably on Mat leave anyway) a small child needs pretty much full time attention. Hopefully your partner can flex working in the office more as your wfh situation will be tough. Having said that, you will figure things out as you go and each stage is different and presents different problems you can solve as you go. You don’t need to have it all figured out before you have even got pregnant, we are all still figuring it out (I have a 13yo!) but I would imagine in London childcare needs a little bit of forward planning.

We lived in a flat until I had two children under 5, it was fine! Once we hit the toddler stage the biggest issue was outside space, but we just got out every day.

We also had stairs and no lift. I had a buggy with massive air-filled back tyres that I could slowly bump up the stairs without disturbing the baby. But usually I went out with a sling instead, if you get a good one like a Boba or similar it's so easy. Get a backpack changing bag and you're good to go.

Dont listen to your sister.

I did it in a first floor one bed flat with no lift up until my daughter was 7. It's a struggle but you'll make it work. Your sister sounds jealous. Does she have children?

I don't drive due to a medical condition. We don't own a car. I've managed for 8 years without a car, perfectly well and comfortably.

I work in social housing and plenty of people have children in upper floor flats and some have 3 kids in a 1 bed so you will make it work

@Mellowpink you could always have your food shopping delivered. Then you doing need to carry the baby and the shopping up the stairs at the same time!

I live in a big open space. We fenced off a tiny area when the children started to toddle because if you aren’t watching constantly they can get hurt, so needed to be insight if the kitchen door.

going out to a common isn’t that different. Think of the advantages of where you are too, nearly London.

Let's face it, baby won't be in their own room for at least a year maybe more.

The killer would be the stairs tbh, I cannot fathom lumping a baby,pram,shopping etc up and down 3 flights of stairs 😬

Difficult one. Was going to suggest you left the pushchair in the car but I see that isn’t a possibility. Also I couldn’t imagine carrying a carrycot up that amount of stairs with a baby in. I always book ground floor even on holiday.
My eldest does dance after school one day a week, it’s in this first floor place with the steepest stairs. I have to carry my youngest from the car park and up the stairs while also dragging along my eldest. It’s awful! If it rains I’m screwed and have to accept they will get wet on the walk as it opens on the street so can’t leave pushchair downstairs and I’d never get baby, toddler and pushchair up the stairs. Tbf couldn’t do it with just baby. She can crawl so I can’t leave her at the top alone while I go down to get the pram. My Mum often takes the day off to come and help me! If you needed a c-section you would be stuck in the house for a fair while. It will be easier when baby is around 6 months though, you can get one of those super light fold up and carry type buggy’s that people take on planes and you’d probably be able to carry that and baby if you had a decent backpack changing bag.
My Auntie just had a baby in a first floor flat and she makes it work! Pretty sure she leaves pushchair in the car. Space wise you will just have to be more selective and minimal. Can’t imagine that will be an issue.
I would see if moving to a ground floor was possible.

I never had a carrycot, not everyone does.

I think people who live in the suburbs often need to do massive "big shops" and then imagine walkup dwellers also lugging 12 bags of shopping up the stairs.

It's a bit different when you live centrally. If you have grocery stores in your neighborhood, you can just grab a few fresh items every couple of days, and take advantage of a more central location by getting the "big boring" non-perishable items (crate of toilet rolls, tinned beans etc., boxes of washing powder etc.) delivered if you want to.

Also, I never really go to the supermarket. I have my shopping delivered and I have done for the past 10 years.

Have you never heard of online shopping? Seriously it's a damn sight easier now than when I had my first 2 in a 7th floor flat where lift was out if order more often than not.

Just tell your sister there are thousands of people stuck in flats they can't sell because of cladding. 5 years ago, my sister planned to move to start a family, but couldn't. She now has a 2 year old in a 1 bed with her and her partner. Age is not on her side, so they're even trying for a second.

The one and only thing that would put me off in your position is the stairs because of a sleeping baby in a pushchair! But you'd work something out.

Also, at no point when I was living in my flat with my baby did I ever think "I wish I'd never had my baby as I hate climbing these stairs".

People don't know they're born. I miss my flat.

Most people would say that our house isn't big enough for the family we have. All our children are in one room. It's cramped. But we are happy.

Also if you don't start trying now, your chances of success are really low. It might work or might not, but you don't want to be sat on your death bed wishing you'd tried. It's a huge thing to not try for if you want it. Don't listen to your sister, I'm sorry she's put the dampeners on. Seize the day!