“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

@Mellowpink when our baby was born after many years of ivf we were still in a 1 bed flat. We didn’t want to move because it might never happen and we had a good life money wise should we have ended up without a child. We stayed there until she was around 2.5 Very clever storage is what made it work, not being worried about toys in the living room etc (have to say been in a 3 bed house for years and this still happens anyway!). We ended up setting up a storage container for the pram in the garden once she got older as bumping up and down was not fun! We were out in all weathers, attended all the baby clubs going from Bookbug to baby ballet. We made great use of the garden for play and she never wanted for anything and was loved and well taken care of.

We were lucky to have a loft conversion which we moved into when she turned 1 and gave her our bedroom. You already have 2 rooms so already have a room for them.

I wouldn’t change it for the world, she never knew any different and when we got our first house she ran round the living room excited by the space! One thing we did have to do though was rent whilst we sold. The trying to remain viewing ready at all times was hard with a child as it would be in any home but it also made sense to move out some furniture and maximise the space.

I don't live in a flat but have steps outside up to my house. I don't use a pram at all for my current baby and didn't for my other ones. I have her in a stretchy sling when I go out anywhere which will move to a pocket type one when she gets bigger, then she'll move onto my back, so you could just not have a pram as a solution. I carry her nappies and so on in a rucksack on my back now, will move to a bag on the front when she's back carried. I really don't like prams personally and find them much more of a pain than a carrier.

you could also do sling for the baby until it gets to be a toddler then go for a really lightweight umbrella fold type buggy, I had one of those for holidays with the older ones, that would be carryable upstairs with one arm while holding the toddlers hand going up or carrying them under 1 arm, buggy under the other- no extra hand for stuff like shopping in this scenario though !

I'm not sure I'd find that very easy to adapt to with a baby. You also have to consider longer term, your ability to borrow enough to move to something more suitable is likely to be better now than it will be after baby especially if you reduce hours or are paying for childcare.

I think you should crack on and start trying asap. Not everyone finds it easy to get pregnant in their late 30s, I wouldn't give the living situation another thought, it's absolutely fine and normal.
My closest friend has just found out aged 38 that she has the ovaries of a 45 year old. It's likely that her only chance for successful IVF is donor eggs. I'm not saying this will be you, but its honestly not worth hesitating over. If you both want a family, go for it now.

You still have to take the same amount of stuff with you if you're going on little trips to stay with friends or family, or for a weekend at the beach, or day trips to beauty spots... all the suncream, buckets and spades, toys, nappies and wipes, picnics, snacks, spare clothes, change of shoes, etc. Big food shops, collecting second hand baby items off Facebook marketplace... Having transport with Aircon! Somewhere contained to play the song that stops the baby from screaming etc 🙂

I don't live in London but I do live in a busy town in a large city. There are plenty of trains, trams and buses within a 5 minute walking distance. I still use my car predominantly.

I'd go for it. If we all waited for a perfect situation there wouldn't be many babies born. If you do get a car you could leave the pram in the boot if parking is near enough. I always did and I lived in a house but it saved cluttering up the house.

Good point about being central. Our flat was in a lovely location near parks cafes restaurants and perfect for having a baby and pootling around. Believe it or not some people would maybe suck up less space and stairs to stay there and it's not possible for everyone to get a house. Moving further out will add to commute and things like that. It's all about balancing it all up and what suits one person won't suit another.

Don’t put off having a family OP, you only live once! It’ll never be the perfect time and you’ll make it work xx

I see you’ve said in an update that you have access to a communal garden- that’s brilliant! Space for toddler to romp around in safely then.
honestly the stairs sound like the most annoying part. But you know what ? I’ve had a baby in a town house - plenty of space we had thought, and 3 flights of stairs internally from top to bottom.
it was a bloody pain in the neck when I had a baby and was recovering from c section! So; there’s no such thing as ‘ideal’ and we all manage the best we can.
good luck with it all, I’m sure you will manage.

People deal with worse, but it’s not ideal.

We lived in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat in an old Queen Anne mansion, but bought our home just before we got pregnant. We often joke about what a nightmare it would have been to try to raise our LO in our old apartment with all those stairs, lugging a car seat! Just groceries was a chore!

It’s not a reason to not try for a baby, but you’ve been warned…

Sounds pretty limiting for the amount of time you could leave home for! Although if your family and friends all live within a half hour commute and you don't intend to leave central London, I can see the appeal.

Millie890 · Today 17:47

Waxdrip · Today 13:24

I'm shocked by some of these extreme responses. OP it will be absolutely fine, not even a consideration. We did similar with two babies and toddlers. The stairs were a pain at times but they could soon walk. Babyhood is over before you know it.
I can't believe some of the disgusting comments I've read on this thread. One person had said "I wouldn't go ahead with it" 🙄. Suggesting that someone who is looking forward to having a baby shouldn't have one because they don't live in a big poncy house... absolutely terrible!!! Some people need to have their mouths sewn shut.

.....

these are women dislocated with reality. Go in London and plenty of people have kids in small flats, normal 2 adult and 2 kids families also.

This. You’ll adapt! Congrats by the way, I hope it all goes smoothly for you!

Thanking the poster for the wonderful thread. Wishing you quick result for the pregnancy, making wonderful friends with inclusive people from various backgrounds in London and living life to the full, to the bizarre surprise of the people who think that a house makes someone's life better

@DonnyBurrito not everyone does a big shop (delivery is a wonderful thing). We go to the beach all the time on the train, how much suncream can you take?! Not everyone has that lifestyle where you drive everywhere. Taxi if you need something big as a one off.

If you want to do a weekend away somewhere with no public transport then you can just hire for the weekend. It's a pretty bloody expensive form of pram storage. I wouldn't advise the OP to get a car to keep a pram in. That's just weird.

Don’t miss out on the immense joy of having a child over a few square feet.

I do think 2 would be hard though.

Of course you'll be fine, people have babies in flats all the time.

However, it sounds as though, given you both work hybrid, the flat will only just be big enough in the near future if you do have a baby. (Two WfH spaces plus a nursery plus a main bedroom, plus space for all the baby paraphernalia is quite a stretch in a 2 bed flat). And certainly won't be big enough for a baby, a toddler and two people WfH should you decide to grow your family further.

I'd say it's easier to move when it's just the two of you than it is when you're heavily pregnant with toddler in tow, so I'd certainly consider looking at your options now, look into what you want in the future and seeing if you can find something that will future proof you for the next 5-10 years (enough bedrooms for your desired family size plus enough space for 2 people to work from home, plus good childcare options, plus good primary school catchment etc).

But given your ages, I'd be cracking on with the TTC. You'll be fine however it pans out.

I managed a 3rd floor flat on my own with twins, so I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine.

We lived in a two bed flat in London when we had our daughter and I was worried about no space/not having a garden etc but in fact we found bringing up a young child in London is fab! You get out and about a lot - parks, cafes, museums, library, markets, trips out… lovely memories…

Ignore her, it might look different to how she did things and that's fine. You can cross each bridge as you come to it. You might find that living in a flat suits you all fine and you don't end up accumulating all the crap that we all feel compelled to have with babies.

That's a lovely story 🙂

We lived on a 3rd floor flat when my first baby was born. We kept the frame of the pram in the boot of the car and carried the basinet upstairs. I found Summer hard as wanted to be outdoors with baby and it would have been so much easier with our own garden however we made it work and until our house was built it was a happy home.

Do you have a car? If so the boot can double up as a pram storage space if needed.

Perfectly fine conditions, babies don’t need much space, and you can work towards moving when they get older and crave more space. (6-7 years).

Of course you can. Lots of people who live in London flats have children! It’s not ideal but if you can’t afford to move then don’t let it stop you having a family!