“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

OP can't afford to move yet and wants the convenience of being a commutable distance from work and city conveniences. So in her case having a baby in her current flat is the right choice.

This is massively overlooked. Realistically the baby will be in nursery/at a childminder a lot of the time after the first year. The benefit of getting an extra hour a day with your kid/being closer for emergency pickups etc is a big bonus.

As someone who has raised child in a flat and a house, the flat was far more convenient for family life.

I can see that once your are in the flat, having everything on one floor with kids makes it easier.

But having no lift to your floor if you’re on your own with a baby/toddler and having to leave them alone in the flat whilst you’re up and down stairs getting shopping etc could be stressful.

It will be fine though, OP will get a routine.

I'm slightly agog at the person who has never been in a flat; this thread has been a real eye opener.

I could not get on with the sling I'd bought in pregnancy at all. I was trying to lie my baby down in it in the newborn position so he just screamed! A mother lent me a stretchy wrap at a mothers group and my baby fell asleep in it and slept for an hour and a half straight. I do think you need to be able to find one that works for you and have hands on help from someone who knows what they are doing. Though, if a buggy ended up working for you then that's great too!

This, really. We chose a smaller flat with lift instead of a bigger flat on 3rd floor no lift because we couldn’t leave the pram on the ground floor. We rent, tho.
it was a great choice in the end because I needed an emergency c section and could only walk properly about 2 months after the birth so those stairs would have meant I would’ve been trapped in the flat for a while

Not everyone can or wants to live outside the city. Carrying a buggy upstairs and not having a garden are offset by many other benefits - such as easy access to the royal parks, museums and galleries, many free/subsidised activities, great transport links to Europe and beyond as well as cultural diversity. These opportunities are not worse and it’s not necessarily easier to grow up in a house in the countryside.

I barely used a pram. Mine was happy in a sling and I liked having my hands free for everything else. When she was in my front I had a rucksack for my bag with everything in it. I could’ve managed fine in a third floor flat and the stairs would have been good exercise for me.

That said, I have friends who cannot even contemplate leaving the house without their prams.

I’d say it’s doable in a flat OP but you may have to make compromises in terms of what furniture you have, managing without a pram if no storage etc.

@StarlightLime

Yep we both work from home, my husband full time and I work part time. He spends all day on calls. It's just not an issue for us. Our son is 5, we've been in same flat since he was born.

plenty other folk manage to have babies in flats and tenements. They make it work .You’ll be just fine.

You will adapt. I had my first living in a second floor 2 bedroom flat with no lift. Although it was zone 6, still couldn’t afford anything lower/bigger. The only downside was the stairs but you adapt, to several trips up and down the stairs. I used to end up carrying the baby in a sling whilst carrying the pram wheels up one flight of stairs then going back down for the carrycot part and back up and then repeat for the second flight of stairs.

On the plus side you are used to living in a flat with no lift and making journeys up and down with shopping etc. So having a baby strapped to your chest doing it isn’t going to be that much of a change.

Don’t wait, start trying and good luck

I wouldn’t wait to conceive OP, like PPs have said your flat may not be ideal but it’s definitely doable.

I would start keeping an eye out for new flats ASAP though. Property hunting in London is difficult enough without a baby in the mix. Better to be overly prepared.

I’d also have a serious think about the logistics of remote work. If you’re both home and a baby is screaming will you still be able to manage? (genuine question, I don’t know the layout of your flat).

Best of luck

It’s doable but will not be much fun - I say this from personal experience. We had our first in a very similar flat. Tiny second bedroom was fine for a baby but would have been an issue for a bigger kid. The baby is small but the amount of stuff is ridiculous. We ended up surrounded by stuff, literally piled up in our bedroom which made it unsafe for our child so we had to put a baby gate on the living room and by the time he was a toddler he was trapped in there with not much space. We’d lost our home office so DH would sometimes be working from home in the bedroom and on work calls, so when the baby cried I felt so stressed trying to keep him quiet. No garden to run around in so I would spend hours at the park which was okay in summer but not so fun in winter. Had to keep the buggy in the boot of the car! So if DS fell asleep on a walk I had to wake him up when we got home to take him inside. All in all it was pretty bloody awful, we were both depressed basically.

Moved out of London into a big house with a garden when DS was a toddler and it was such a huge relief. I honestly think we might have ended up divorced if we’d have stayed there.

I live in a very small two bedroom house with two children (3 and 9 months). You can make it work. In summer we have the benefit of a garden but otherwise yes, it's cramped but people bring up kids in smaller places.
You have to be hyper vigilant about stairs (we have v steep ones too), but you will be as that's what parents do.
Babies are tiny. You will manage! And congratulations for deciding to take this step

Another neglectful mother confining her children to a flat in a city centre here! We were in a 2 bedroom 3rd floor flat with my first baby all through lockdown and only moved last year. Now we're on a 3 bedroom flat with 2 vhildren and the only reason we moved is because we had an open plan kitchen living room which meant that you were always looking at dishes! Apart from that I loved it! We had upstairs neighbours who also had a baby, so we got to hang out in the communal garden/go out to parks together.

Lots of people have babies in flats, it's normal! It's also dead handy to have everyone on the one floor, no need to be nipping upstairs and downstairs to grab bits and bobs.

Like everyone else says, get a lightweight foldable buggy. We hang our babyzen on a couple of hooks over the door. It's handy when it rains but most of the time I just bung the littlest one into the sling as its quicker to get out the door that way.

Shopping wise, in the first few months just get it delivered. If your partners WFH whilst you're on maternity they can help you lift it in!

The thing I couldn't do without is a tumble dryer. Only because otherwise you will invariably end up with piles of damp washing drying around the flat. It'll run the risk of making the place damp and once a wee one is crawling you don't want them getting tangled in a clothes horse.

Don't put off starting a family because your sister doesn't like your flat! She won't be living there!

You could put the buggy frame in the boot of the car rather than carry it up and down stairs.

It's doable, but as your child grows I think it would become increasingly problematic - you would feel cramped, you would regret the lack of garden space for them to grow, and obviously if you had more than one child you'd really have to look seriously at moving.

I think if I were you I'd go ahead but look at firm plans to move as soon as possible. Can one or both of you consider looking for work outside London?

Don't rush out to buy a buggy - get a soft sling and carry baby instead.

I think it’s less problematic as the child grows. You won’t need to carry them and a buggy up and downstairs. Communal gardens are fine, and a common is even better. We used our common all the time. I generally think a flat in London is better than a house outside it.

Tbh I'd get a car I'd I was you, you end up needing to transport so much baby junk and it's just useful for getting out and about with them. I only have a 1st floor flat and my buggy often lives in the car.

I disagree - not in London, where public transport is plentiful. We never had a car with our DC, living in London.

I had first baby in fourth floor flat with no stairs, I had a detachable carry part to the pram and left the bottom part downstairs it was a pain but was very doable, as you’ve said you can5 leave Pram downstairs I’d consider if you get a car leaving the pram in the boot and either carry cot or sling to move the baby up. The most annoying part for me was if I needed to bring baby and shopping upstairs, there were half landings and I used to transport baby to half landing then go back for shopping then same again so I could always see the car seat. This was 20+ years ago, now I’d just do online shopping.
Dont delay having a baby because of your flat, it’ll work out. You can reevaluate priorities after baby is born. Good luck!

me and DH own a flat and have two, obviously it’s hard sometimes but you won’t be there forever I imagine? Don’t over think it and do what makes you happy, you’ll know if you need to move once the baby is in there 😅

Oh also, I don’t drive and never have and my eldest is 5 🙂 you do things the way that works for you…

No stairs?

I did this. 3rd floor no lift. Bumping the pram up and down the stairs with shopping and a dog in tow was a nightmare. There was no lower storage so the whole thing had to come up the stairs with me.