“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

When my parents had my brother they were living on a room - one room. I am sure a two bed flat will be fine.

I lived on the fifth floor without a lift when had my baby and my dgd has also grown up in a fourth floor flat with no lift.

I look back on the most difficult times as a single parent as the most enjoyable. The hard times built me and built my family. Parenthood doesn’t have to be meticulously planned and executed. You can raise a baby anywhere…love nourishment and attention. You will be toned and strong lugging a baby and pram up and down steps. Look at it as your work out. Do it. The desire to have a baby is more important than where it happens. You can always switch up the work zone. Get out of the house daily with baby. Walks library friends shops just out and about. Buy less use less and keep it to the essentials.

Baby in a flat, no probs. Even with the stairs. Having a garden has been a Godsend from age 2 upwards though. Don’t underestimate the bliss of being able to let children outside to run off steam while you get jobs done inside.

😂 fucking hell did they?! Hahaha! Entire history of Scottish tenements disregarded then 😂

I don't know why a few posters are getting all huffy and defensive about the suggestion that a third floor walk up with a baby into toddler and no downstairs space to store a buggy is a bad idea - because it is basic common sense that it is always going to be preferable to live a life that is easier and more convenient. That's true for everyone. Add in a child and it's true a million times more.

It's factual. The fact you can do it/have done it doesn't make it any less true that there are far better environments to raise a child in. The fact you can do it doesn't affect that.

Children are born in slums all over the world every day and raised to adulthood, this doesn't mean it's the best thing for the child. & no before the smelling salts are pulled out and the defensive raisers-of-children-in -flats tribe have a fit of the vapours- no I'm not saying a 3 floor walk up in a westernised society is the same as a slum. I'm just using it to make the point that because it can be done/you did it, is not a good basis to encourage someone else to do it - if they are asking for advice. There are better options that would make life easier and better for both parent and child.

A new mother is typically exhausted. I wouldn't fancy carrying a buggy and a baby on two trips up 3 flights of stairs even when I've had a good nights sleep. doing that day in day out for the foreseeable future after just giving birth? mind boggles as to why you'd be encouraging someone who has a choice to do that.

People have raised families in flats forever.

As someone who has raised child in a flat and a house, the flat was far more convenient for family life.

Because it's not that it's a bad idea. It's that that's the reality of where they live and it's perfectly do-able. If they own and it becomes a real pain, they've got the option of moving in the future. Plenty of people manage fine.

The car and parking is your saviour here.. even if just to leave the buggy in while you’re in the flat.

@Mellowpink you will be absolutely fine.

This was pretty much my situation with DC1. We lived in central in a flat on the second floor with a baby in a buggy and nowhere to store it.

When buying a pram I bought one that folded easily with one hand and it has a strap so I could put it on my shoulder and carry it up.

We have now moved out of central London to a house and I actually still miss my lovely little flat. We didn't miss a garden due to the amount of things that there is to do in London.

You will be fine

We raised DD in a flat in SW London Zone 3 - only difference is that we were on the ground floor.

DD was in with us until she was 7 months old, then in her tiny little bedroom - we had a very small amount of outside space (think, a corridor between two buildings). But we lived 5 mins walk from Clapham Common, and 5 mins walk from Tooting Common (and 15 mins to Wandsworth Common if we were feeling walky).

When we moved into our house (when she was 6) we were THRILLED to have more space, and outside space, etc. the flat had begun to feel very small. But those first 6-years of her life, in our little flat, were perfectly nice and we have very happy memories of it.

The only thing I'd be concerned about for you guys is the stairs, so if you can get your baby to sleep in a sling, all the better!

But where you live isn't just about convenience for at max 2 years of baby life. It's a lifestyle choice as well. People choose smaller places in the city to be close to amenities and conveniences. Getting into your car to drive for a pint of milk or having the huge costs associated with maintaining a house and garden are as inconvenient about walking up 3 floors every day with a buggy. Except you won't need a buggy for much longer than a few years, driving for milk/theatre/good restaurants will last a lifetime. We are all motivated by different things.

OP can't afford to move yet and wants the convenience of being a commutable distance from work and city conveniences. So in her case having a baby in her current flat is the right choice. She's walked up the stairs for many years already and clearly it hasn't bothered her enough to move. So adding a baby to it won't be as huge an inconvenience as someone who's never done it.

Children are born in slums all over the world every day and raised to adulthood, this doesn't mean it's the best thing for the child. & no before the smelling salts are pulled out and the defensive raisers-of-children-in -flats tribe have a fit of the vapours- no I'm not saying a 3 floor walk up in a westernised society is the same as a slum. I'm just using it to make the point that because it can be done/you did it, is not a good basis to encourage someone else to do it - if they are asking for advice. There are better options that would make life easier and better for both parent and child.
The OP has a choice between a flat where she could easily work, and which she could comfortably afford, and a house that would stretch her budget considerably or make it hard for her to work. People are reacting to that situation, not to another situation in which the OP could comfortably afford to move into a house without it affecting their budget and work.

I had my first child when I lived in a flat. I too had no lifts and was second floor.
I used to store the buggy in the car and carry Lo upstairs. If u had shopping I left it in the car and DH brought it up later.

If it’s all you can afford then you will find a way to make it work.

We were in London and moved out for cheaper housing. The 4 bed house we have now is the same price as the 2 bed flat I had in London.

Do they also work from home?

This 100%

My daughter did this and it was absolutely fine . Yes the stairs were a pain with the pushchair but we all coped and found ways round it.

Because living in a flat is just life for an awful lot of people.

Of course the vast majority would love a big house and a garden. I'm sure lots of people would like to live with all manner of things they don't have. But the suggestion from a lot of posters on here is the OP shouldn't have a child in the flat which is just bloody ridiculous. As though she's going to say "you're right I'll just not bother having children" or "I see! Of course! I'll go get myself a house first, thanks everyone."

We have just bought a house because after 2 and a half years of raising our toddler in our small 3rd story flat, we are in a position to buy. But if we weren't we'd get by just fine.

Some posters are agog at the idea of raising children in a flat. It's laughable.

How many times does that same exhausted mother go up and down the stairs inside her Perfect House every day? How many people are saying "you can't possibly have a baby in a house without a downstairs loo, you'll have to go up and down flights of stairs multiple times a day when you've just given birth"?

And as others have said, you find workarounds. You use a sling, you get a manageable pushchair, you leave bulky stuff in the car for the other parent to bring up later. You make it work.

Is it less than 100% perfect? Sure. Most situations are and we have to compromise. Does falling short of perfection make it a bad idea? Nope.

@Mellowpink OP people on Mumsnet often baulk at gasp children in flats but we're currently living in a 60sq m 2 bed flat in S London, with 2 boys aged 6 and 4, and it's fine.

We're really good at living minimally, we are close to so many amazing parks and central is a hop away.

The comments I've read on here about flat life before are hilarious, you'd have thought it was child neglect!

Keep the pram on the boot of the car. I wouldn’t get a yoyo for newborn, personally, but could move to a yoyo when baby is 7/8 months.

also, some people never use a pram! Baby wear with a good carrier:)

youll be fine. A friend of mine had a baby in a 1 bed for a few years as she couldn’t sell due to cladding.

(But buy a very good sling and a bugaboo bee, trust me)

@StarlightLime

Do they also work from home?

My husband does. 3 flights up in a small flat. I can work from home but choose not to as I don't enjoy it as much. We have a toddler who has lived in this flat since he was born. Husband has worked from home the entire time.

It's crap OP, and underlines the scale of the housing crisis, esp in the SE. Are you absolutely stuck in London? What do you work at? Do you have the flexibility to move/ask for transfers to another city where you might be able to afford a house and not have to commute in and out of London? Or are you happy to limit your family to one child, which it would have to be if you continued to live where you do.

I remember almost flying up the stairs when for some reason I didn't have my baby or bags to carry