“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

I can't see your username without seeing JRM 😂

😂

Some people seriously lacking in imagination. "I live in a 4 bedroom house with a garden, I can't possibly imagine another way of living"

And the poster comparing the child to a dog. Jesus wept.

I had my son when I lived in a third floor flat with no lifts. And I had a caesarean. As long as you have the support of your DH, you'll be fine.

Yeah, I’ve raised two children in a flat, forcing a child downstairs is no different to forcing them to sit in a car seat, have their teeth brushed, or to put their pants. Never worried about the stairs as we supervise our children rather than allowing them roam around alone outside our home, and taught them how to navigate stairs, helped a toddler up and down the stairs on a daily basis for our sons entire toddlerhood and our daughters until she was two, it was fine.

I almost never used a buggy when my babies were small - I found a sling/carrier so much more practical for most things, and they would sleep for hours in it.

Tumteetiddlytum My children are in their 30s i don't buy them much.

As others have said, its doable and plenty of people do it around the world. I wouldn’t hold off trying because of the flat.

However, if you have the option to move outside of London and get more space, I would do it (but thats coming from the perspective of someone who lives far from London/house/large garden). Having some outside space of any kind is a godsend with a baby or toddler - they can play out there, you can have a coffee when the baby naps, outside toys to entertain them. The stairs will be a pain for you - can the buggy be stored at the bottom of the stairs? You will be carrying the baby 3 flights of stairs everytime you go out too so hopefully not the buggy too.

You will also have stuff you dont even think of now - moses basket, cot, a play gym, baby bath, jumperoo/door bouncer, tons of toys. Storage is key so i’d be thinking about what you can do to improve storage now.

I think you could definitely make it work, a 2 bed flat for 2 adults and a baby is fine, in a lot of foreign cities living in flats is the norm, you can always think about moving in 4-5 years if you find it is too small.

Dont let it put you off

I bought a v fancy sling and never got the hang of it. I never trusted it enough to put the child in it! It was a proper brand, not dodgy, but i just never figured it out. Wasted a few bob there 😳

It'll be fine while baby is little. You can use a sling or back pack carrier if you need to bring baby and shopping up at same time. So long as you have a car, might be a bit trickier without one.

I found not having outdoor space hard when we had a 3 and 5yo in a flat as it was a gorgeous hot summer and we melted walking to nearest park.

In the car boot? If not then I'd personally reconsider until you've moved because a pram and shopping and say, an 8 month old (ie: a lot heavier than a newborn but not yet walking, so needs to be carried) on your own whilst DH is at work, soaking wet from the rain with baby screaming? Yeah that's going to get very stressful very quickly

@MorrisZapp I'm posh af.

Are ya really? You sure about that?

I think this too. It won’t kill anyone but if you’ve got any choice I personally would move.

It's absolutely doable, particularly if you're going to get a car as then you can store the buggy frame in it. We did it until my daughter was three and then we moved to a cheaper part of the country.

My advice would be:

Maximise space wherever possible. For example you don't need a Moses basket, the baby can sleep in the bassinet of your buggy for the first six months. You can get a changing table that rests on the top of the cot like a shelf. A playmat that folds away

Be ruthless about decluttering. Get rid of too-small baby clothes immediately.

Use a wearable baby carrier instead of a buggy for as long as possible.

Get supermarket and Amazon deliveries (wet wipes, nappies etc) to your front door so you're not lugging shopping up and down stairs.

Replace your washing machine with a washer dryer if you haven't already.

Use Medela microwave sterilising bags instead of buying a steriliser.

There are loads of ways to make it easier on yourself and it's really achievable. Millions of people round the world raise their kids like this, you don't need an SUV and a driveway and garage. Don't wait until conditions are perfect to try for a baby if you want one. You'll never regret starting but you could regret waiting.

I love the person upthread who said with confidence no one raised kids in flats until 20 years ago. So Mr Monkey and his four siblings, two of my cousins and my mum and her 3 siblings must have dreamt their childhoods then?

You absolutely can have a baby there and you shouldn't delay trying. However, you will almost certainly outgrow your flat by the time your child is 3. At which point you will almost certainly wish to relocate somewhere else out of London and work in different jobs or commute. A lot changes when you have a baby. Not initially as you can take a baby out and about locally at first as and enjoy coffees and browsing the shops whilst your baby sleeps. But bit by bit things change and you will find yourself wanting outdoor space etc. I've had so many friends relocate from London when their kids were toddlers.That is almost certainly the reality. It is a ball break lugging a buggy up and down stairs, neighbours complaining about noise and not being able to wheel a baby/toddler into your own house when they8fallen asleep.

it will be ok for the first child… once you want another one, you will soon look at South West London Surrey!

I'm lost in a sea of nonsense posts. But if you're the one who said a baby takes up 5 times the space you imagine they would then 30 odd years ago you were buying too much for your children.

People make do with what they have. OP will be fine.

Yes that's right, everyone with two children in London moves out to South West London or Surrey 🙄

Sling libraries are great, or just trying out other people's. I got on best with a stretchy wrap then a simple ring sling I made myself with a playgroup mum showing me how. My baby hated being reclined so that position didn't work.

Well either you can and it’s absolutely fine (I know many London mums who have a baby in a flat) or it’s not and you reassess. You are allowed to prioritise an important life choice like becoming a mum and not know everything or have decided everything forever! Plenty of us have life plans which we change once baby has arrived. That’s normal. Plenty of us make decisions other people wouldn’t and are happy. That’s also normal. Don’t allow your sister to diminish your joy.

This is hilarious. This sounds absolutely word-for-word like the flat me and DH were living in when our first child was born. Plus the heating was electric, the windows were single glazed so it was absolutely bloody freezing in winter. My mum nearly had a fit too, stressing about how we couldn't possibly cope... 🙄🙄🙄

We coped ABSOLUTELY FINE. We lived there for 20 months after the birth of our child... we had to move out as the landlady was selling up, but I reckon we probably could have made it to about 24 months before we really would have needed an extra bedroom.

I'm not going to lie, carting the pram up and down those stairs was tiring, and a faff when there was shopping to bring up too, but you get used to it. (Leave baby in pram downstairs while you cart the shopping upstairs, then come back down for the baby). I suppose alternatively you could get big shops delivered too... or just do shops on weekends or evenings when you and DH can do it together... You'll find a way.

re the stairs, my thoughts were we’d get a buggy that detached from the frame so we could carry baby up in carrier, then come down and bring up the frame.

That's what we did (tbh we did have a garden shed to keep the base in, but you could use your car) so if the baby was asleep we just carried the top bit upstairs.

Baby slept in our room (the NHS recommends babies sleep in your room anyway for at least 6 months and preferably 12, so that was simple enough). It was FINE. I have lovely memories of that flat.

I live in Germany, where 62% of people live in flats, not semis or detached houses. Only fairly well-off people have a house. I'm actually in East Germany, where the figure is higher, not sure by how much.
We had our first child in a one-bedroom flat on the second floor, then moved to a two-bedroom eighth-floor flat and had our son there.
As the children grew up, all their local friends lived in similar housing, so they did not feel like the odd ones out, and people's expectations for play dates etc. were the same. You might find that's different in the UK of course.

We met outside at the playgrounds. In the summer, the children were outside for hours every day. That requires more supervision than a private garden but it's also more sociable as you bump into people or make new friends in public spaces. Again, if you're in the UK, the system is different so you might not have the same experience.

We kept our pram in the cellar or on the stairs, and moved to a decent buggy as soon as we could. On the eighth floor there was (usually) a lift, but on the second floor we had to carry our daughter up. I had a Caesarean but tbh during those first few weeks you don't go out that much anyway and I can't remember the carrying being a problem. My then dh an I did a big shop together, or I'd go alone and get less. It takes a minimal amount of planning and patience.

Neighbours can be an issue when the children are older and jump about, bang on the floor etc. Depends on how well built the building is, and how good the neighbours' hearing is! But later we moved into a house and actually had more issues with the neighbours there, complaining about the children playing in the garden, kicking a ball against their fence. In a flat, I'd say the neighbours realise that they too want to make noise sometimes, so try not to complain too fast.

It's nicer in a house I'd say, but a flat is not hell on earth. You get used to what you have.

So much drama on here!
You don’t need to move for one child.
Get a light/compact buggy.

I just couldn't work it. Hadn't a breeze! But i was grand with the buggy. It just took a while to build up the confidence etc. Get there eventually, she's nearly in secondary now so not too bad 😀