“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

Presumably the OP is well used to hoiking her food shops, luggage etc up and down these stairs so it's not like it's going to be a whole new concept.

What a load of unadulterated crap. Cop yourself on ffs.

Some people on this thread are disgustingly insulting to those of us who actually live with babies and children in flats 3 flights up with no lift. Jesus Christ.

True and I'm sure she'll be fine. But the shopping, luggage etc will still need to be hoiked as well as a human who can't walk yet. It won't be a swap over obviously 😂

It's only temporary though as they do learn to walk up stairs on their own eventually

Everyone has different expectations of what childhood should be like. Where did you grow up?

I grew up with and have strong memories of the garden at my parents house, it was important to me that my children had a garden, so we moved from a flat in london to an area where we could afford a house.

I'd just have had my toddler in a simple ring sling on my hip. Let him walk if he wanted, no forcing required. He crawled up a flight of (carpeted) stairs at six months so I doubt it would have taken him long at 15 months to master walking up them holding my hand. Like you, I always carried a rucksack not an awkward nappy bag.

You can absolutely cope. I think people are very quick to say that something isn’t ok to raise a child in when I reality people make do with a lot less. I know someone who has a lovely house but says they couldn’t possibly have a toddler in there. Baffles me why

My SIL lives in a 5 bedroom house. We lived in a flat.
She has a massive big pram, a changing bag that is the size of a weekend bag, and various cute handbags.
I had a small fding buggy and a sling, plus a backpack with 2 nappies, a roll up matt and some wipes in it.
All our kids grew up fine. We just did things as appropriate to our living situation. There is not one way of raising kids, you adapt to the situation!

OP its fine. More than 50% of Londoners raise babies in those circumstances. I did too. Have your baby, see how it goes. Your sister is ignorant and bloody rude

I was in exactly this position, 3rd floor, 2 bedroom flat, no lift. EVERYBODY had an opinion! But it was fine, we made it work. Just make sure you have everything you need when you leave, it’s bloody annoying if you forget something. Also, find a shopping delivery service that will deliver to your door. We left buggy in boot of car. Now DS is 8 and refuses point blank to move even though we could do with a garden. Plenty of people have babies in flats. (Although, when we had to stay in an Airbnb with a drive for 2 weeks, bringing your shopping from car straight to kitchen felt really luxurious)

sorry quoted wrong post.

It will be fine
my old flat was 50m squared, we left when dc were 1 and 3, spent covid in it with DH WFH and was fine (although we did have a lift)

I reckon a yoyo and/or car will work well. The space thing is no issue, babies dont really need all the "stuff" people love to buy. You could also get a smarttrike from 18 months ish

In london you are usually so close to a park, we spent many full days playing in the park with my NCT friends, i have a garden now and my DC still prefer the park which is across the road so dont use the garden much.

We were 3rd floor and we loved sitting in the windows people watching, we were on a main road so looking for buses and lorries was a favourite pastime.

The people before us had 1 x teen and loads of our neighbours had kids. In london you are generally very "out and about". The only real downside was if we had to isolate during lockdown but luckily this didnt happen.

This. With bells on.

I've managed, it's fine. Baby stayed in our room for the first year. You get used to the stairs, and it's actually good not having any stairs once inside! Our flat is more spacious than a terraced house which is all we would be able to afford.

A buggy/pram is not obligatory with a baby. The alternative is wearing the baby/toddler in a sling, e.g., ergo. If I had a small 2nd floor flat I think I'd do that instead.

What is ‘disgustingly insulting’?

I'm bookmarking this thread for the next "Londoners are all soft/insular/spoiled/snowflakes" one.

Jesus wept. The utter nonsense of some people.

We had our first in a flat with one flight of stairs outside and one internal. It was absolutely fine. Our second bedroom sounds smaller than OP's and our kitchen certainly couldn't fit a workspace - hers sounds pretty spacious!

We bought a car when I was pregnant and kept the pram there most of the time; ditto any shopping that wasn't perishable or urgent to get upstairs. I'm sure I got some looks decanting all the shopping into the boot of the car when we got home but it worked for us!

DS was grand on the stairs pretty early, occasionally felt like a pain but overall it was fine. Unlike OP we didn't have a communal garden - we did miss eg the opportunity to have a paddling pool but like lots of London we had loads of green space nearby.

We moved to a house when Deprived Flat Baby was about 18 months old - locally. So DS2 was born in the Mythical Perfect House with a tiny garden. TBH we use nearby green space a lot more than we use the garden, particularly as the kids get bigger. I did take joy in being able to wheel the pram straight into the house but that's a bonus, not a necessity.

And as kids get older, London is bloody brilliant. Deprived Flat Baby is now 12 and hugely appreciates all the stuff on his doorstep, lots of it free, easy access to stuff relevant to whatever their passions and obsessions are, excellent (and free/cheap for kids and teens) public transport. He also doesn't have rickets from his terrible start in life and far from stunting his growth, I've just had to buy size 10 trainers for him.

@ReadingSoManyThreads yeah the stairs are tricky post birth which is why walking up 3 flights each time is not ideal.

Some of these comments are hilarious.
OP- you’re fine. How lucky to have a flat in London and access to so many parks and activities. A baby doesn’t care where it lives, we lived in a one bed flat with DD and a hostel before moving to our home and she at 22 is just fine and has nothing but happy memories of her childhood.
Mumsnet is really weird when it comes to stuff like this. In your late 30s I wouldn’t fuck about, you have your whole life to move…but might not have many fertile years left.

I had my first in a 2 bed flat up stairs. We kept the pram in the boot of the car outside. A few aspects of it drove me mad but it's certainly no reason not to start a family. Certainly until the baby is a toddler the inside won't be an issue and even then, you'll manage you'll jsut need to get out often.

The stairs aren’t ideal but when my kids were little I used a sling most of the time anyway

We have a toddler in a one bed flat and we’re on second floor. Yes sometimes it is hard but you get used to it. If you are thinking of getting a car sometimes I would leave pram in the car and take baby up by sling so that makes things easier. It’s the stairs that does get annoying but tbh our child is fine, living in a flat is absolutely fine! I do wish we had more space sometimes , but times are bloody hard and we just can’t afford to move anywhere bigger. But when I think logically, our child is happy, safe, warm, we are a short walk away from everywhere we need to go with parks and beach minutes away. I’m also in my thirties so didn’t want to wait until I had a house. We will get somewhere bigger eventually I hope. Go for it.

That's true, i was not very mobile for a while after birth. But i did get into the swing of it eventually and it was fine. But i did manage the stairs 2 days after birth, having walked home (slowly) from the hospital. It was close by obvs.

Exactly. We did this once when the power went off mid winter and the fridge was t cold enough ( except it was fridge items in the car!) .

I would also leave a basic change bag with nappies, wipes, a clean onesie etc in the car so you do g need to lug that up and down.

This thread is hilarious. Children dragged up stairs, whatever next! A drop of rain? WIND?

Bonkers