“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

I had my first in a flat with loads of stairs going up to it outside.

I used to park my pram outside the building, take the carrycot off with baby in it, put the carrycot with the baby still in it inside the flat (baby often yelling for a bit) and then go and get the frame separately.

It was ok, and thankfully I never locked myself out of the flat with the baby inside, but carrying the baby in a sling was much easier so I swapped to that where possible.

Your sister can say what she wants but the choice is yours and your husband. You decide how and where to live....period.

The buggy thing wouldn't really work past a few months. It will be hard work and may feel claustrophobic at times but of you can do it

Yes to this.

Are you another Chicagoan?? My laundry situation was 3 flights of stairs down, go round the side of the building to enter through another door and then another flight down to basement. On the upside though multiple big American machines meant I could get the lot done one evening a week so it wasn’t as bad as it sounds 🤣

Try it and see!

People move house because things change and something else will better suit their needs, but all houses have a compromise (space, location, garden, parking, cost). You wont know if it'll suit you or not until you try it.

That's ridiculous, you're basically saying anyone in similar flats that can't / dont want to move shouldn't have children

Some incredibly privileged responses here.

OP, I grew up in a Glasgow tenement from birth to age 13. It was what's known as a "room and kitchen". Literally two rooms: living room and kitchen, with a small bathroom.

I slept in the kitchen next to the fridge and my parents pulled down a sofa bed every single night and put it away every single morning.

I have the fondest, most cherished memories of my life in that flat. I had the most wonderful, loving parents, plenty of toys and went to a fantastic little school with so many friends. We had no car but we went on day trips everywhere on buses and trains, I had a bike that was kept in the close and cycled to the park when I was older. It was the best childhood.

Ignore the absolutely batshit, and quite frankly privileged and precious responses on here. Some people have no grip on reality and don't even know they're born. You'll make fantastic parents. Go for it.

If you’re physically fit and really want to a child, I think it’s doable. But you’d need to consider the buggy issue (Do you have a car parked nearby you can keep the buggy in? Would you be up for mainly using a sling? Could you rent a garage or storage unit nearby?). The buggy issue is only temporary, after a couple of years or so, you can get DC to climb the stairs while you carry an umbrella stroller.

I think a bigger issue, if you’re both hybrid workers, is where will you work if DC has the second bedroom? Is that really feasible? And if not, what can you do about it?

I kept my pram/buggy inside the car boot. Maybe that's an option if you get a car.

Depends how long you’d intend to ‘make it work’ for. Without trying to be a downer, I do think you need to experience life with a young child before you know what you find intolerable. We lived in an identical flat to yours for the first year of our twins’ lives and yes, it quickly became intolerable. And I was hellbent on staying in London and very positive on ‘making it work’. Now live outside of London and I wouldn’t swap the breathing space for anything. Physical practicalities and ideals aside, I think many find the mental breathing space absolutely essential when children arrive.

I mean, people are just giving their opinions. OP isn't obliged to listen to anyone either way.

Sounds like getting that car will solve the biggest problem (taking pram up and down stairs) and would actually be much cheaper than moving when you already love your area. Go for it, late thirties is getting a bit late to dawdle!

Forget the pram; look into baby wearing. Easier in London anyway.

Your child will be fine in a box room. They can have a high sleeper over a desk/wardrobe when they're older.

Your sister's privilege is showing!

I havent RTFT and don't know if you rent or own but if you like the area/building is it worth asking if any of your neighbours on the ground floor might want to swap? But also, your current living arrangements sound positively spacious compared to Manhattan; plenty of families live in much smaller walk-ups.

We lived in a small one bed flat on the 3rd floor with no lift when DC1 was born. It was absolutely fine! There was some storage under the ground floor stairs that I could chain the pram chassis to and a communal garden that had a washing line so I could hang out their clothes and nappies. We left when DC turned 1 as we had to move for work but I would have happily stayed longer if we hadn't. Being creative with storage and smart with choosing which baby items to buy is key. I loved that place!

You had one set of steep stairs op has 3 sets of steep stairs there's a difference, it will be hard to but you will do it if you want to

This.

My advice would be to have the baby then change the things that drive you mad as they come along.
You may find that you love co-sleeping so a second bedroom isn’t as high on the priority list as the constant carrying the buggy up and down the stairs.
Or you just keep the buggy in the boot of your new car and you have no issues at all until you start thinking about schools and realise you’re not in catchment to any!
We started out in a shoebox of a house and have gradually upgraded as we felt the need. I think most people end up doing it that way.

Apart from the stairs.. pram storage downstairs?...the joy of a new baby will outweigh anything else imo

I had a small cardboard chest of drawers plus a big plastic storage box for baby clothes when I just had DC1. The plastic box went under the crib. I kept clothes that fit in the drawers. Bigger, unseasonal, and smaller clothes (kept for younger siblings) went in the box. Nappies went under the crib too.

I had a small, washable changing pad that rolled up for when we went out and could be used anywhere in the flat. It was washing machine safe - nylon on one side and French terry on the other. I had a little basket of toys - rattles and such, and LO loved chewing on wooden spoons and other baby safe household objects.

The high chair fit in under the table in the kitchen (we had a small kitchen and no dining room). Toddler drawing and art took place at the kitchen table sitting in the high chair with the removable tray taken off.

I had a small chest for toddler toys/ puzzles in the small bedroom, and a small bookshelf unit for books in the sitting room. We had a little play tent that could be put up for pretend play in the sitting room, and a rocking horse for in a corner. Dollies/ stuffed animals lived on shelves above the toddler bed. I had a step stool that was safe for toddlers so we could 'bake' together. With two LOs interested in 'helping' one could stand on a chair too.

I bathed them in the kitchen sink when they were small, and graduated to the bath tub when they were toddlers. You can use a small inflated lilo / paddling pool in a shower if you don't have a bathtub. You don't need a dedicated baby bath.

I had a very basic stroller that could recline to form a small pram. This stayed in the boot of the car. The baby car seat was used to carry babies up and downstairs, strapped in. The toddler car seat stayed in the car. Toddler walked and climbed stairs. It was slow going, but very doable. There was a good deal of experimenting to see what order of operations worked where the schlepping was concerned.

There's a lot of stuff out there that's touted as must haves for babies and toddlers but very little of it is actually needed.

I can't believe some of the disgusting comments I've read on this thread. One person had said "I wouldn't go ahead with it" 🙄. Suggesting that someone who is looking forward to having a baby shouldn't have one because they don't live in a big poncy house... absolutely terrible!!! Some people need to have their mouths sewn shut.

@Mellowpink
You should get a car. It's a great place to stow the buggy.

It's also a great place to stow any groceries you buy that don't need to be brought up to the flat immediately. I used to leave bags of flour and sugar, big packs of TP and nappies, big 10lb bags of rice, pasta to last months, and other heavier non perishable stuff in the car and get it later. I brought up milk, butter, cheese, eggs, frozen items (unless the depths of winter). Also fresh veg and other small, light items.

It’s not impossible, but I would find it annoying and probably stressful to deal with the stairs when on my own with a baby/toddler and pushchair, change bag, shopping etc.

This! I carried my babies up the stairs while They slept in a super light bugaboo.

the baby weight fell off so quickly. My arms looked great - was never in better shape!

I noticed that all my London friends had super light buggies and people outside the M25 had those giant travel systems.