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Original poster

“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

703 replies

Mellowpink · 15/02/2024 12:46

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

OP posts:
Millie890 · 15/02/2024 17:01

Mellowpink · 15/02/2024 12:46

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

She sounds like a right divvy!!! Why is she so bitter and not happy for you! Don't take any notice. Congratulations!! 🎉🎉

SecondUsername4me · 15/02/2024 17:03

LovelyTheresa · 15/02/2024 15:57

Your sister is correct, IMHO. Children deserve space growing up, not to be crammed in a little room. Unless you have very solid plans to move somewhere more spacious, you shouldn't go ahead.

Eh? "Crammed in a little room"? Presumably the child will not be kept in its room 24/7!

TheBayLady · 15/02/2024 17:04

You will manage the stairs but the room a baby takes up is a lot, imagine the space where you are going put everything you imagine you need, now times that by 5 at least. Little people take up an awful lot of space.

Notahotmess · 15/02/2024 17:05

TheBayLady · 15/02/2024 17:04

You will manage the stairs but the room a baby takes up is a lot, imagine the space where you are going put everything you imagine you need, now times that by 5 at least. Little people take up an awful lot of space.

People buy babies and children a lot of unnecessary shit though. Particularly babies, they really need hardly any "stuff".

mathanxiety · 15/02/2024 17:07

Your sister probably isn't going to help you afford a down-payment or a mortgage, so she needs to bite her tongue.

I had three under five in two bedrooms when I moved into my house. The laundry facilities were in the basement, three floors down. It was tough but doable. There was a lot of carrying of babies, toddlers, and baskets of laundry down and up again on outside stairs in all weathers, including snow and ice (American midwest winters).

Do you have a washing machine and a dryer? Get a dryer. Find somewhere to squeeze it in.

Do you have room to put a nice big cupboard for baby toys?

Make sure the baby/ toddler gets out every day. Is your flat anywhere close to a place they could play, run around safely?

Can you leave a pram/ stroller downstairs? This would be important.

Universalsnail · 15/02/2024 17:08

The amount of people in this thread trying to convince the OP to waste her last year's of fertility because a 2 bed flat isn't big enough for 2 adults and a small child is wild tbh.

Notahotmess · 15/02/2024 17:09

Universalsnail · 15/02/2024 17:08

The amount of people in this thread trying to convince the OP to waste her last year's of fertility because a 2 bed flat isn't big enough for 2 adults and a small child is wild tbh.

Generally people are obsessed with not having kids until everything in their lives is what they perceive to be perfect, which is partly why women leave it so late these days.

Starlightstargazer · 15/02/2024 17:10

Have you looked at a few different areas of London for a more suitable flat?
What about looking at a 2 bed terrace just a bit further out? Zone 4/5?

Westfacing · 15/02/2024 17:10

The size of your flat isn't the main issue - four flights of steep stairs is the problem, particularly as you have nowhere to leave the buggy.

You/husband will often be on your own so you would have to take up baby/toddler leave in the flat and come down for the buggy and any shopping; coming down would be the problem in reverse.

I had toddler and baby in a 5th floor flat but there was a lift - I remember it only being out of action once and it was a big problem up all those stairs, but was at least able to leave the buggy in the hallway.

If you can't afford a house in your chosen areas I would look for a ground/1st floor flat.

Notahotmess · 15/02/2024 17:11

I lived in a third floor flat with no lift like the OP and we had a babyzen buggy - was piss easy to carry one handed. I can only assume those who can't fathom doing it have those massive bulky things that take up half the room in cafes and so on.

SecondUsername4me · 15/02/2024 17:12

Birthing recovery aside, the baby can be carried in a sling for pretty much the first year.

hellotoday2024 · 15/02/2024 17:12

I would recommend to only ask people who actually had children in a flat.
On mumsnet you should only have children if you have

  • 2 cars (at least)
  • at least one bedroom per person plus a playroom
  • parents who can babysit at any time
in reality (and especially in London), most people don’t have any of these. And it works fine. A separate room for the child gets necessary once they are 1-2 years old, and you have that. Everything else is really not necessary.
BlackeyedSusan · 15/02/2024 17:12

Nope. Clearly not raised two children from babies to teens in a second floor 2 bed flat..

Dragged up maybe...

It is doable. Buy a light weight pushchair (can be from birth) and baby carrier. Rucksack for changing bag.

Universalsnail · 15/02/2024 17:13

Mellowpink · 15/02/2024 13:01

@PuttingDownRoots yes the small second bedroom can fit a small double bed, desk and wardrobe etc, so with those removed we’d be able to fit a cot and furniture for baby.

re the stairs, my thoughts were we’d get a buggy that detached from the frame so we could carry baby up in carrier, then come down and bring up the frame.

Your box room sounds only marginally bigger them my main bedroom and I have 3 kids in it and whilst it definitely isn't ideal space wise we are fine.

3timeslucky · 15/02/2024 17:13

Having a baby doesn't commit you to staying in the flat. You'll be fine starting out and if you change your mind, you move. If you're fit enough for the stairs you're fit enough to use a sling. I would not be carrying a pram etc up and down stairs.

89redballoons · 15/02/2024 17:13

Don't let the fact you live in a flat now put you off trying to conceive!

In the long term, you'll probably want at least a flat with a garden, and you'll probably want a spare room or at least designated space for your home office that isn't your bedroom or the child's.

But I reckon you have a good 18 months/2 years between the day you get a positive pregnancy test and the point when you have a mobile little toddler who doesn't want to be confined in the flat. That's a good long time. You can get a mortgage agreement on maternity leave btw.

Tumteetiddlytum · 15/02/2024 17:13

TheBayLady · 15/02/2024 17:04

You will manage the stairs but the room a baby takes up is a lot, imagine the space where you are going put everything you imagine you need, now times that by 5 at least. Little people take up an awful lot of space.

This is absolute nonsense. We are 3 flights up in a one bedroom, one box room flat and my son slept in a next-to-me in our room til 8 months and napped in literally a box in the living room (Scottish baby box)

He's 2 and a half now and has been in the box room from 8 months old. It's smaller than OP's and he still has his toddler bed, bookshelf, two baskets of toys, a rocking chair and an IKEA toy kitchen as well as a car mat for his cars.

Other toys are in a Kallax in our living room, as well as a flisat table that he eats his snacks at, paints on, plays with sand etc.

He has a basket with nappies and wipes etc and his clothes are in two drawers in our room. What else does he need?

Sounds like you're buying too much for your child.

My son is very happy, has everything he needs at home, a beautiful little bedroom, and he has an amazing time 3 days a week at nursery and the rest of the week with us going to the park, the beach, play dates with friends etc etc.

TiredMummma · 15/02/2024 17:13

Get a doona and foldable high chair.

Baby sleeps with you for first 6 months at least.

Life is so short. Ignore your sister and crack on!

Notahotmess · 15/02/2024 17:14

hellotoday2024 · 15/02/2024 17:12

I would recommend to only ask people who actually had children in a flat.
On mumsnet you should only have children if you have

  • 2 cars (at least)
  • at least one bedroom per person plus a playroom
  • parents who can babysit at any time
in reality (and especially in London), most people don’t have any of these. And it works fine. A separate room for the child gets necessary once they are 1-2 years old, and you have that. Everything else is really not necessary.

Suspect some people on this thread would be shocked that I not only lived in a third floor lift-less small flat with a baby, I also didn't own a car, and 8 years later, I still don't. My life must be so empty and difficult!!

Chickenkeev · 15/02/2024 17:15

TheBayLady · 15/02/2024 17:04

You will manage the stairs but the room a baby takes up is a lot, imagine the space where you are going put everything you imagine you need, now times that by 5 at least. Little people take up an awful lot of space.

I managed stairs (no lift) and all the baby stuff in a relatively 'compact' 2 bed apartment. It was grand, but there were only three of us. Harder once baby gets older and accumulates stuff.

hellotoday2024 · 15/02/2024 17:15

@Notahotmess agree. Status symbol massive prams are an issue in a flat. they are also completely unnecessary (except for children with substantial special needs). A sling and a compact fully flat buggy work just fine for everything except showing off…

LightSwerve · 15/02/2024 17:15

It sounds like your baby would have a safe home and loving parents.

Two bedrooms, use of a garden, plenty of other space in the flat.

Your sister is ridiculous.

BlackeyedSusan · 15/02/2024 17:17

We had a 5.something kilo single pushchair from birth, that could be opened one handed. Later a 7.5 kilo double buggy also opened one handed. Could carry shopping,baby and pushchair up together if necessary. Had car seat upstairs to fasten kid in. Have carried toddler, baby and bag up. You find out the configuration of bags,carriers, babies and toddlers you can manage.

Simonjt · 15/02/2024 17:17

We lived in a flat until recently with a two year old and an eight year old, we live in a house now for the first time ever. I much prefer living in a flat, no worries about the toddler falling down the stairs, being able to hear them at night before we’ve gone to bed, no lugging washing up and downstairs. If we could sell up afford a flat in the area we live we likely would.

hellotoday2024 · 15/02/2024 17:18

What is that “everything” people are talking sbout?

  • a cot
  • a playmat
  • a small folding buggy
  • a changing mat
  • a sling
  • a chest of drawers
is all a baby needs. Toddlers a bit more, but tbe OP has a double bedroom, so tons of space