“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

Completely fine, i had my DD in a 3rd floor flat. I kept the pram on the ground floor and used a sling a lot. I'd just say to be really cautious of walking up and down the stairs holding a baby, i know this sounds obvious but i did have a close call and once that happened i paid close attention on the stairs and it was fine. A heap of people said similar things to your sister to us but it was fine.

We made it work for our little family in an upstairs flat with no lift. I tried to keep the body of the pram in the boot of my car and only carry the seat part up when my child was a baby. When we got a folding pram, when he was a little older, I could just about manage to get that up the stairs into the flat if I needed to. My main concern was once he was a toddler as I feared him falling down the stairs; we just made sure he was never in a position to do so and - touch wood - we've never had any issues.

I think it is much more common in other parts of the world (and, indeed, in some parts of society). Not everyone can afford to buy themselves a house with a large garden - no matter how much they'd like to.

I wouldn’t with no lift. The flat is ok but the stairs are a no. If you have a C section you won’t be able to leave the flat easily or carry the baby up in a pram. Have you got someone else to do that for you?

my stroller weights 12.5kg empty. My child is a stone and a half and 8 months. I couldn’t cope with no lift, honestly it will make you so miserable. It’s hard enough leaving the house some days without all the stairs.

also if you have a car and they fall asleep in it usually you can carry them in to the house. Some lay flat so it helps keep the nap. They are so heavy. You will regret not being able to do this and waking your baby up / dealing with the screaming .

if you don’t have to - don’t do it. Make your life as easy can - it’s hard having a baby!

I'd definitely get a car in that case, even if you don't use it often. It would be ideal to store part of your buggy in so you don't have to keep going up and down stairs. Taking part up, then coming back down for the other part, doesn't really work if you're on your own, particularly as the baby gets older. You can't leave baby in the flat on their own so unless you were with your DH you'd have to drag baby up and down too. Once they start walking and refusing to be carried, this up and down exercise may take you all afternoon!

Baby would have its own bedroom, there's outside space available and nearby. I don't see a problem with it. I know someone that lives in a one bedroom flat with his wife and two children. That sounds mad, but three people living in a flat that was designed for 3 or 4 people doesn't.

20 years ago no-one lived in flats with children, but houses were a lot more affordable then. Nowadays, it's mostly families that live in flats, particularly in London.

This! ^ I can't believe so many posters are saying GO FOR IT to the OP. It will a bloody nightmare! Wouldn't do for me at all.

Are people actually reading the OP's posts? It's a THIRD FLOOR FLAT! With NO LIFT! They are suggesting it's a fab idea - and she will have no issues or problems whatsover - with a baby and a pram/pushchair/all the kit and caboodle that goes with having a baby. In a THIRD floor FLAT with no lift.

No thanks.

Also, she only has one main bedroom. The second 'bedroom' is a tiny boxroom that is used as a home office.

Nope.

@lifebeginsaftercoffee

For me, it's about the hassle of it all, not the fitness aspect of it.

If OP goes to the shops with baby and buggy, she won't be able to carry everything up the (in her words) steep stairs on her own in one go. It'll be one trip up with the baby, then at least one more trip up/down to get everything else - likely two trips, and likely with a screaming baby left alone in the flat upstairs.

Nobody's saying it's not doable, just that it's not going to be very much fun.

Exactly. I wouldn't be adding lots of extra hassle and stress and hard work, to an already busy life with a baby, just to (allegedly) 'keep fit.' Also I can't see how it would make anyone any fitter anyway. May do their back in or help them break a bone or two when they fall down the bloody stairs... with trying to carry everything !!! Wanna keep fit? You can do that playing games with your kids in a GARDEN, when you're in a HOUSE.

.

I had a c-section in a flat with no lift....kept pram in the boot of the car, used a sling to carry baby. In fact, being in a flat was easier for my recovery, as no stairs inside the apartment. I was actually glad we were still living in the apartment. We were living in a house when I had our second (vaginal birth) and I massively struggled getting up and down the stairs in the house with all the swelling and cuts from the birth etc.

You'll be fine. Keep your buggy in the car if you can't store it elsewhere.

You’d find it easier on your back and arms putting the baby in a sling to walk up the stairs with them. You might even manage the buggy as well then, but you might find you enjoy the carrier and don’t need the pram.

go for it and good luck TTC! Other countries keep their children in the same room for years

@SweetBirdsong

I think you need to calm down. I posted earlier on this thread. I literally have a 2 and a half year old in a third floor flat with no lift. We've been fine since the newborn days. Pram stays downstairs. It's not a problem.

We did it for 5 years, and it wasn't a "bloody nightmare", it was absolutely fine. Some of you are hyperbolic in the extreme. In many countries (developed countries), raising children in small flats is totally the norm.

If we'd put off having a baby til we could have afforded a house with garden, we'd never have had one.

I don’t think many think it’s ideal. But OP is relatively late to be thinking and if she wants dcs and doesn’t want to move she needs to take the plunge. Ultimately babies mostly need love, food and sleep. They have a communal garden access.

As for not being able to leave the baby to bring the pram up, you can leave them safely in a cot (and later maybe play pen) for the time it takes to bring the pram up . Lots of people do it to take a quick shower.

FFS Of course it was sarcastic. People can raise children in London and in flats or unbelievably in any other bloody place,
I hate the way everyone bangs on about inclusiveness but suddenly when you have kids there's this MC "best" way.

@SweetBirdsong So you think the OP who is late 30s shouldn't have a child?

Selling up can take a year or more. The OP hasn't got time to piss about ttc due to her age.

Also the "tiny" box room can fit a double bed and a wardrobe and a desk.

No danger at all.
She needs to take a long walk off a short cliff!

If the pram can stay downstairs, no problem at all.
we build a shed to put ours in!

We did it with pretty much exactly the setup you’re describing - except we had no communal garden (and we were 4th floor!).

Buggy was an umbrella fold Maclaren that could lie flat, so ok even when baby was very young, which I used to carry up with the baby in the sling. It’s not ideal, but it’s fine, and definitely not a reason not to have a child!

We’ve always lived in high flats with no lift so were very early adopters of online shopping, particularly for heavy stuff (Ocado always delivered all the way up to our door).

We did end up moving a year later. We wanted a second child and that felt too much of a squeeze in that space. We could have gone on a bit longer, but wanted to move and be fully settled in before TTC DC2.

Exactly! We are talking about choosing or not choosing to have a child. It's not a decision you make due to some stairs, it will impact the rest of her entire life.
Presumably OP is already used to walking up and down the stairs with her shopping, and has coped fine so far, you just factor in a baby strapped to you at the same time, or one extra trip up the stairs to put the baby in a cot/playpen/jumperoo. It's hardly mind boggling!!
She's already said she can get a car and have it parked outside, that's the buggy/scooter/balance bike sorted then.

Re the lack of outdoor space, when first dc was born I can’t tell you how incredible it was having a garden (was actually literally a shit patch of grass ) that they could potter about in while I watched them in the kitchen. But again depends on you. I had a shitty non sleeping dc who didn’t sleep properly until they were late primary so I used to sit on a chair in the kitchen when they were little with my caffeine while they wore themselves outside in the cold and I watched through the patio door from the warmth.

also pollution. I know people are just saying oh it’s fine but it is a big deal. Once you’re out of London you seriously realise how shit the air is there. Obviously people have got to do what they gotta do having dc but it has been proven that pollution does have health consequences on growing dc.

Oh and Ocado is going to be your saviour OP!

You'll be fine and you can move if you're not. The most important thing particularly in the very early years is to have as much time with your family as possible, and lower living costs and commute times to enable that.

The stairs and pram will be hard. Is there somewhere you can leave it at the bottom. Put up a rack for a folding one or one of those mini sheds outside? Or you buy a really good light weight one click travel folding one and/or baby wear. Even if just for going up and down stairs.

Apart from that a good declutter and keep the stuff down.

It's shit in all cities. I live in Bristol now and it's equally shit. Unless your solution is no children should live in cities there isn't much to be done about that. At least in London you have decent public transport so there is no real need for a car.

Also people are presuming that the OP will be able to afford to buy a house with a drive or would always be able to park in front of her house.

So she will have to put the baby/toddler in the house, and carry the shopping/whatever down the street.

Least she has a designated parking space in her flat.

Then you could leave the buggy in the boot of the car

Some people posting on this are crazy!

I live in a block of flats ( low rise, but old building with no lift)

We’re in zone 2. Have always lived here. Kids love it.

lots of neighbours in similar circumstances- all nice, happy, non stunted kids who can take advantage of the many amazing parks, museums and facilities for children in an amazing city.

I assume people just live extremely sheltered lives and assume having to climb some stairs with a baby in tow represents the very epitome of a life stricken by poverty and hardship.

I live in a 4 bedroom detached house now and quite often genuinely miss my teeny little flat, which took about 10 minutes to clean and tidy.