“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

I honestly find it crazy that people would suggest to someone they should sacrifice having a CHILD a family that they really want because of having to walk up a few flights of stairs every day 😂 people go to gym, they go running, they do home works outs to keep fit, but walk up stairs? Nah ah, not possible.

My cousin has had two children like that. There were through annoying few months when his wife after caesarian wasn't able to carry the pram up and down the stairs, so they could go outside only when he was around, but they managed, used a sling a lot and do fine.

Everything is a tradeoff. I don't see this as any worse than living ruraly in a cold house with teens who can't do anything without being chauffeured around.

I wouldn’t fancy it tbh.

What's the worst that can happen? You try it and find it's not for you and so move later.

Seems like the world's smallest risk, to me

If you were twenty two I’d say the time is not right as it isn’t ideal as a family dwelling. But if you and DH want to start a family I think you will manage. In the end, it’s the people in your world that are important. You may come to hate the stairs but you’ll never regret DC! You have at least nine moths of pregnancy then a few months when in all honesty the baby is home a lot to keep an eye out for a similar set up but ground floor. But don’t let a few flights of stairs rob you of your baby. You’re not too old but you don’t have decades . I’d crack on.

If you can fit a cot in main bedroom, you've got a year-18months or so

If you can fit a cot-bed that converts into a junior bed in there then you've got until about age 4 - we did this with one of ours as we didn't want to put them in with much older ones at that stage of each of their developments and schooling. It was fine. Then we moved to somewhere a big bigger before that child started school. That child is now a thriving adult, as are the rest.

Earlier on, with the first child, we actually made the lounge into a living room, and sleeping room for the adults, and the bedroom into a sleeping and play room for baby, this lasted several years.

You could alternatively get a big family bed (superking), as many seem to do, if that seems like it would work for you in due course. It's not for everyone but it's a possibility. You can get cabin-style double beds which you could then put a cot or junior bed underneath. Lots of options.

Have a look on Youtube at how some of the (mostly American) tiny house large families liveand pick up some tips that might work for yourselves, OP.

But, I would strongly recommend considering moving to a flat with fewer steps in due course if you can't afford a house. Those will be hard with a heavy toddler. In all cases, be very methodical in how you do things so that you protect your backs. You and your partner will really need to work as a team with regards to getting baby, equipment, and shopping etc. up and downstairs safely, but if you are a tight couple and really want this you'll make it work and it'll be fine. (You can keep your pram in your car if you have one.) Although not everyone uses a heavy pram at all, some wear their baby for 6 months to a year-plus, and then use the little fold-up buggy.

Absolutely. London is no place to raise a baby. Pollution, noise, smell. Completely mad.

I used to be a nanny in a busy city with lots of flats with no lifts and never took jobs above first floor for good reason: it's massively impractical. Nothing wrong with flats, but the absence of a lift is a massive pain in the arse when it comes to getting everyone out!

Are you being sarcastic?

God I wish we were still in our flat. You'll be fine what does she think most londoners do?! Id recommend a small fold up pram, like a baby zen yoyo. Unless you have a car? I always had to store the pram in the car and carry the baby in (house but tiny). What you have becomes the norm for you (and baby).

I'm sure that's the pram DB and SIL have and they managed first time round perfectly well and now with a 4 month old and a 5 year old!

I'm not sure if this is sarcastic or not, but London is the best place to raise a baby. I moved far away and think about it every day.
The huge beautifully kept parks, the baby groups, the activities, the interesting people, the museums, the cafes, the live music, the public transport, did I mention the gorgeous parks? Wistful.

I'm amazed by the negative replies. I'm in the suburbs and there's SO much in London for toddlers and children. Who cares the flat is smaller than suburban homes?

That might be an issue, if you have no storage space in your flat. Can you move?

Yup, me too and I'm not a parent but know a fair few. An abundance and more to do!

Just a thought: you mentioned you might be able to get a car and parking space. Could you store the pram in the car?

Can you move to a cheaper area and buy a small house? I personally think raising a baby in a flat sounds like hell in terms of space. The noise of a baby waking up in the night will also most likely disturb your neighbours in a flat. I'll definitely get flamed for this but from experience it is very unpleasant living in a tiny flat with a baby in close proximity and being constantly woken up and being tired at work.

We managed. We lived in a flat until dd was nearly 4. 4th floor no lift and no where to leave the buggy downstairs. We got very good at sling wearing. Check out your local sling library. When she was older, we got a very light maclaren. It was less than 4kg.

Dh was working from home throughout all of this. We chose to keep dd in our room so he could have his office (box room). Then he could effectively work whilst dd and I were at home, as I did compressed hours so was not at work one day a week. He also often works weekends (self employed) so having a decent working space was important.

I did wish we had a garden, but we made the most of living centrally.

For me, it's about the hassle of it all, not the fitness aspect of it.

If OP goes to the shops with baby and buggy, she won't be able to carry everything up the (in her words) steep stairs on her own in one go. It'll be one trip up with the baby, then at least one more trip up/down to get everything else - likely two trips, and likely with a screaming baby left alone in the flat upstairs.

Nobody's saying it's not doable, just that it's not going to be very much fun.

Well we did it for 5 years and were perfectly fine and happy, I assure you.

LOL She will get the shopping in the same way she had done so far!
And not everyone will have bikes and "bulky toys".
I never did.
I was raised in a 1st floor 2 bed flat. My brother and I shared a room as well, because, again, 2 bed!
We didnt have bikes and that was OK! We not only survived, we thrived!

I get that it might not be your thing, but it is perfectly doable!

We were living in a one-bed apartment (no lift) when we had our first baby. It was totally fine. Baby was in our room with us. I kept the pram in the boot of my car. I used a lovely fabric sling most of the time.

But I would say, it's not ideal for long-term. Lack of space and garden would be factors in probably up-sizing in toddlerhood, or school age.

We did move into a family home once our first was still a baby, lead by my desire to have a garden as heatwaves in the apartment were a killer for me (it was south facing windows and no air flow/breeze in summer). If it wasn't for me craving a garden, we could have easily stayed there until our child was about 3-4yrs old.

We live a commutable distance to London and live in an affordable area (home counties).

In my part time jobs all my colleagues or their grown daughters raise not 1 but 3 in 1 bed, 2 bed flats , maisonettes, bungalows, one name it. You make your life with the money and space you have, not people's overbearing attitudes

London is an amazing place to raise a child. You are talking out of your arse.

I'm genuinely glad it worked for you - but it definitely wouldn't be for me but then I am quite lazy.