“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

The OP's box room is bigger than the box rooms I've seen in 3 and 4 bedroom houses.

It can fit a double bed and a wardrobe and a desk.

Most box rooms can only fit in a single bed and a wardrobe.

Totally doable. Store the pram downstairs (if possible) and buy a sling to put the baby into when walking up and down the stairs. People raise children in far worse conditions. Just be on top of declutterring and maximising the space! Good luck OP

It’s fine, the stairs will be a bit of a pain but not unmanageable. I’ve seen some great prams that fold up and you carry them almost like a handbag.

I had my first in a two bed flat and stayed there until she was 2. It was fine, loads of room, just need to be clever with storage etc.

If you want inspiration, you could look at videos of young couples in Japan living and raising families in very small spaces. It is quite impressive. The key is minimalism and extreme organization. I live on the 3rd floor with no lift. It's manageable.

Ah, I should have RTFT! That said, my answer only partially changes. I think it is fine to have the baby in that case, but they really should be thinking about somewhere larger, preferably with access to a garden. I lived in a large apartment growing up (four large bedrooms) but no garden, and I really felt the lack of one.

You’ll be absolutely fine.

Ny neighbours are raising 2 children in a 2-bed London flat.

Yes, the kids have to share a room, but they’ve got LONDON on their doorstep so it’s a good compromise, I think 😁

It's the storage you'll struggle with, and the stairs

Some houses don't have gardens they just have small yards.

My siblings and some colleagues have brought their children up in such houses in various cities.

If their children wanted to play they had to be taken to the local playground/park/common.

There as some flats and maisonettes have gardens that are big enough for children to play in.

If you can afford a bigger space without all the stairs, it will make life a lot easier but people cope with whatever circumstances they need to.

To counter the comments about the pram you don't need a big pram/travel system. I got one for my first and hated it, it took up so much room, for the next kids I bought a Joie Pact stroller which is suitable from birth, folds up really small and has a carry strap for over your shoulder, comes with attachments for an infant car seat (any of the Joie, maxi Cosi, cybex seats all use the same adapters) and has a good enough size basket too. Not great for off road but perfect for foot paths! A baby carrier/stretchy wrap is great too in the early months

Obviously it’s doable, plenty of people live in flats. But it will be pretty grim managing those stairs. If you’re on your own, been shopping, get back with bags of shopping, toddler, buggy - it’s like that puzzle with the fox/grain/chicken crossing the river - you’ll have to decide which things to leave upstairs and downstairs. Do you have green space nearby? Because not having anywhere for kids to play isn’t much fun either. As we all found during lockdown.

I would certainly ttc but I would look to move when possible.

Thank you everyone, certainly food for thought and some great tips on here!

For those asking about outside space, we have access to a communal garden and are located 5 mins away from a large common, so no issues there. We don’t have a car but do have parking outside our flat and would likely consider one if we had a baby.

I think it’s fine to begin with but I wouldn’t rule out a move in the future. Will it be a little cramped? Yes. Will there be baby things everywhere? Of course. But babies come with a lot of “stuff” and people make it work in all kinds of accommodations. If you like where you are don’t feel pressure to leave and certainly don’t let it delay you from TTC. I must admit that no lift would concern me, especially getting a pram and baby up and down the stairs with shopping and bags etc. and also if you have a c-section you can’t lift for 6 weeks. You can baby wear though. I assume the box room will be the nursery? We have our son in a box room right now - it’s lovely and cosy and my favourite room in the house. Something to consider, as I’m not sure how big your box room is, but if you plan to stay in the flat for a while could it be a proper bedroom eventually? Would a bed fit in there? They’re out of a cot quicker than you think sometimes. There’s lots to think about but you have plenty of time get a feel for what works for you.

I'm sorry @Mellowpink but I agree with her. It's a massive ballache lugging pushchairs and baby stuff up steps. ALSO. Flat = no garden. I would never elect to have a baby when I have no garden. My kids (and me and DH) had so much fun in our garden when they were little. And I did in mine/my paretns when I was little/younger. Had loads of fun with my little brother!

Several schoolmates of mine used to live in flats just down the road from me when I was a kid. They used to come to mine to 'play' as they had no garden.

Sorry but no. And double NO with it being third floor. OMG no!

JMO!

I've never been in a flat let alone lived in one but from threads on here I'd worry about neighbours getting upset with noise and managing the stairs with shopping, baby and pushchair etc.

I had so many people telling me this and that was absolutely essential to have a child including a bigger car and separate washing machine and tumble dryer. Guess what, got a 2 year old and done absolutely fine without either. You just get on with things and make do!

Personally, I wouldn't want to have to lug a baby and all their stuff up three flights up stairs multiple times a day.

Coupled with no outdoor space and nowhere suitable for hybrid working and it would be a no from me.

We had our baby in a 500 sq foot flat (2 bedrooms, one bedroom was a box room), with no garden, for the first 5 years of his life, including through lockdown. It was perfectly fine.

I had 3 children in a 2 bed first floor flat. The stairs will be a pain to the 3rd floor but totally doable. It will keep you fit. Do you have a car? Sorry if you've answered already.
I always left our buggy in the boot.
Even now we live in a house, there are stairs down to our front door so I still leave it in the boot.

You clearly want a family, happy families come in all shapes and sizes and situations, people just make do, and it is totally normal to live in flats in cities.
My eldest didn't have a garden till he was 7, but we were always out and about, we really lived! I actually think some of my happiest family memories were in that flat.
The idea that kids need a garden is totally misguided. My DH grew up with a huge garden but no local amenities, everything is a trade off unless you are very rich.

One thing in London lots of tube and train stations aren't step free.

If you can lug a pushchair up and down those on your own with a baby/toddler then you will be fine in your flat.

I've seen plenty of people - both men and women - lug pushchairs up and down station stairs on their own. Loads of people offer to help them.

I preferred to use a sling and a baby carrier until my DD could walk if I was using public transport. It meant I could always get on buses, and it was just easier going up and down station steps.

I also used a sling when I used my car when she was a baby and I was shopping. It did mean I couldn't buy very heavy things if she was with me.

It's easily doable, I'd just not bother with a pram and get a tula carrier. We didn't use a pram for my second until she was 18 months old, I couldn't be bothered messing about the pram. When they're too old for the carrier, get a lightweight pushchair, easy.
Kids do come with a LOT of stuff so storage is key. Is not impossible, and if you get into it and it's not working, then look at moving and you'll know exactly what you're looking for in a suitable home to raise your child.

What a stupid statement. I raised two babies in a flat in London. It was easy.

I got my car before I knew I was pregnant. 😂

And I don't have a tumble dryer. I just use the dehumidifier I used before I had her.

If you've got parking right outside, I would buy a car purely for somewhere to leave the buggy!

It’s obviously possible. I wouldn’t find it enjoyable though!!