“You can’t possibly have a baby in that flat”

[Mellowpink]

DH and I are in our late 30s and finally decided to start trying for a baby before it’s too late. Mentioned this to my sister, expecting excitement, but she had a totally different reaction. We live in Zone 3 SW London in a 2 bed 3rd floor flat. It's an old building, so no lift, just steep stairs. And our second "bedroom" is more like a box room, currently my home office.

My sister insists it's too dangerous and cramped to raise a child here. I said I’m sure we could make it work, but she says I just don't get it as I'm not a parent yet. We've thought about moving, but staying close to central London for work is a must as we are hybrid workers. We looked at houses in Surrey but prices seem to be crazy, and with interest rates, we'd be paying a more just to inconvenience ourselves by being further out.

Am I crazy to think we can handle raising a baby here?

My sibling and partner are in a one bed flat with a baby. No lift may be annoying but you can make it work if you choose to use a buggy. Baby in sling, fold buggy and carry up is an option.

DB and SIL managed in sort of similar situation to that only have a large living dining room with kitchen off that. DB sometimes WFH in that latter area. They make it work. The steep stairs can be an issue carrying a pushchair but you get used to it.

Can guarantee if you have a second DC as they have or stay etc in a house with a garden - you will want that too as they moved to a relatives house in SW UK over lockdown and SIL immediately got a higher paying job and they're currently house-hunting for a decent house they can afford!

We lived in a 2 bed 3rd fl walk up apartment in Chicago when DD was a baby. I loved that flat!

Get a babyzen YoYo with the newborn pack, not the bassinet, as you can fold it flat sling it over your shoulder with the strap and you have both hands free for baby. For the same reason get a back pack style changing bag. Get all your shopping delivered so there’s never anything else to carry up. Get Amazon Prime so you can get stuff same day when needed!

Then just be really strict on only buying the essentials so you don’t end up overrun with stuff but even though lots of house dwellers don’t rate them, you will likely want a nappy bin because they can stink out the kitchen one, and you can’t easily take them out when you’re on your own with baby.

Don't delay TTC for it, but I would consider planning on moving at some point in the not too distant future.

How do people manage all over the world, raising children in flats? They manage. Toddler wrangling is a thing wherever you live!

Pop baby in a sling and leave pram in the car- if you have a car. Good luck.

Baby and toddlerhood doesn't last until the end of time though there are days when it can feel like it, to be fair

The slow toddler will be taught how to manage the stairs.

Goodness.

As long as you aren't trying to carry a pram up the stairs (get a small one, keep it downstairs or in the car, use a sling) then it sound fine for one child. People live in smaller spaces in cities. You can go to the park for outside space. Lots of baby furniture is not needed - steer clear on jumperoo type things. Baby gyms/playmats fold and can be put under the sofa when not in use. Your sister sounds a bit out of touch with lots of people's reality.

My cousin and her husband manage 2 children in a 1 bed. Oldest is 6, youngest is a baby. You’ll be fine.

Go for it OP. Presumably you know and like your home and area, as long as you can get nursery provision etc then why go through the stress of moving right now?
Have baby then reassess your needs as you go. You are not your sister.
And yes Surrey is horribly expensive and nothing to write home about. I wouldn’t bet you’d do much better for your money and you’d have longer, more expensive commutes.

Is she assuming you’re going to give up your job and homeschool your child until secondary? Otherwise, she’s being very dramatic.

Agree. Some of the replies on this thread are really odd.
How do people manage to have kids in countries where many live in apartments and without gardens? And there are many places like that.

It's a flat, not a squat.

"Sounds hellish" - @moomoomoo27 - are you kidding? A baby in a flat is 'hellish'??

Millons of kids in flats all over the world. Stairs could be tiring but if you keep buggy at bottom of stairs, but honestly, it's a baby, not a horse. A flat is fine. Moving house when pregnant will be far more challenging that having a baby in a flat.

You will be perfectly fine. Babies don’t take up much room! Do you have a car? If so you can always leave the buggy in the boot - I used to do this.

i live in a 2 bed basement flat zone 3 north london - we are having our second soon!

Our 2nd bedroom sounds like its a bit bigger than yours though!

I have no problems having a toddler here tbh (daughter is 3) we just get out a lot - shes at nursery 4 days a week - and my midweek day off we always go out mid morning to parks / soft plays / swimming all within walking distance - so lack of outside space is not a problem for us

weekends are the same we are always out!

When she was little we got the smallest lightest buggy (a babyzen yoyo) and i could easily carry it up and down the stairs

mostly used a baby carrier though tbh - as getting around on the tube and buses i found it way easier than having to carry the buggy up and down steps and use escalators!

my work life balance is better staying here - im home from work in 20mins so i get a bit of an evening with my child instead of getting in late and rushing to the nursery etc - id never move further out!

i do hope one day we can get a bigger place - but happy out for now!

Flats are fine but a third floor walk up would kill me!

For first three months of my DD’s life we lived in an attic room. Now we have a two bed flat in zone 4. It’s fine. Lots of baby crap everywhere but that’s life with kids.

Not having an ideal home/ family setup is NOT a good enough reason to postpone ttc. You will cope. Things change as life progresses, so go for it and deal with issues if and when they arise..

It's fine - thought this was go8ng to be about a one bedroomedflat or even a studio. You'll cope with the stairs

The stairs are the issue not the living space. I didn't really take that on board until I had a baby. Our place was fine but we were house hunting and I outright rejected anywhere that was going to be a hassle for me to get a baby, toddler, pram and shopping in and out of.

I lived in zone 2 and knew plenty of new mums who made it work, though it's not ideal.

Its not ideal, but plenty of people manage it.

We raised two kids in a one bedroom flat on the fourth floor with no lift.
It was absolutely fine.
We had a 'shed' in the basement ( all the flats had one ) down one flight of stairs from the ground floor, so I used to put the buggy in there, then put the baby in a sling to go up the stairs to the flat.
Going up and down the stairs kept me fit if nothing else.

Your sister is correct, IMHO. Children deserve space growing up, not to be crammed in a little room. Unless you have very solid plans to move somewhere more spacious, you shouldn't go ahead.

I wouldn't have a baby when living on the 3rd floor without a lift. You will really struggle if you need a C-section when giving birth and your partner is back at work.

Fresh air and space to play?