Page 7 | To know you drink too much but dont care!

SallyWD · 15/02/2024 10:46

You say we all do things that are bad for us. Well yes, I eat too much cheese and some days I eat too much chocolate but the fact is I generally eat in moderation and these things are not toxins. Alcohol is actually a poison - no I'm not being dramatic, it's classed as a toxin. I lived with an alcoholic who like you, didn't think he was an alcoholic. He admitted he drank too much but denied being an alcoholic. He carried on for years and suffered serious health consequences in his early 50s.
You say you feel fine but I know how I feel a million times better the next day if I don't drink. I sleep better, I'm refreshed, I'm not anxious. Alcohol is a depressant so even after a couple of glasses I have a slightly lower mood the next day. You may think you feel fine but you'd probably feel a whole lot better if you didn't drink too much.
Do you want to end up with a puffy, red face and a fatty liver or do you really not care?

LetsGoDoDoDo · 15/02/2024 11:00

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 10:35

I mean, I currently going through a divorce so it is a particularly stressful period in my life, I do not usually drink this much (I am not making excuses as I do know its too much but it just helps me relax in the evening)

This too shall pass!

I think I know where you're getting at OP. Perhaps you feel that there I'd a lot of judgement and shame aimed at regular drinkers? People who function well in their lives (however that looks for them) but enjoy a drink.

I used to drink regularly as a single parent and it was a huge crutch for me. I helped me relax and escape. It also cemented some solid friendships with people I no longer need to drink with to spend time with.

Personally, I do feel guilt over how much I habe drank but I was ignorant and naive. Since becoming 'sober curious' (sorry) I have made huge efforts to cut back. And it's been hard! I still drink but I pick my moments and cam go for weeks without. To be honest, I binge when I drink but that's something I'm working on.

I think I understand what you are getting at but society's stance on alcohol is changing.

You seem to know yourself well and so if you ever get to a point where you would like to reduce your drinking then I'm certain you will succeed. Just don't burt your head in the sand until then.

Hope all goes smoothly with your divorce.

CanOfCharms · 15/02/2024 11:01

Bigcoatweather · 15/02/2024 10:09

I probably drink red wine everyday, sometimes one small glass, sometimes two small glasses with food. If I’m on my own because DH is away, I don’t drink and never drink if I’ll be driving.
As my Italian relatives would say, ‘una cena senza vino è come un giorno senza sole’.
A meal without wine is like a day without sun.
My grandparents would call a meal without a splash of wine ‘povera’.
The brits have a weird relationship with alcohol, ranging from puritanical to bingeing far too much.
We all need to relax a bit more.
I drink because I savour the taste, have no other vices and enjoy feeling relaxed at the end of a day.
It makes me feel content.
OP, as long as you aren’t dependent on it, the bit of relaxation and de-stressing you’ll get is a positive. Anyone saying alcohol is a huge health risk yet eats cake, biscuits, UPFs etc….needs to relax. We all know when we’re drinking too much or have developed an unhealthy relationship with it.
We’re all going to die someday. I’d like to go to my grave feeling I enjoyed all of life, family, culture and food.

‘We all know when we’re drinking too much or have developed an unhealthy relationship with it.’

As a doctor who has managed patients with addiction, I would say that this sentence is completely incorrect, I am afraid.

Mercurial123 · 15/02/2024 11:08

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 10:37

I am optimistic that when I feel the need to cut down I will

Why justify your drinking if you don't care?

Orangebadger · 15/02/2024 11:18

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 10:35

I mean, I currently going through a divorce so it is a particularly stressful period in my life, I do not usually drink this much (I am not making excuses as I do know its too much but it just helps me relax in the evening)

I was the same with cigarettes. Went through a very bad year, the odd one became 10 a day! But once the stress settled down, I quit. I think when times are stressful, as long as there will be an end in sight, it's natural to find something to be a crutch be that wine, chocolate or whatever!

Westfacing · 15/02/2024 11:23

I think most of us who drink wine regularly don't feel guilty as such, and do know that's it's not good for us but continue anyway.

Just as those who are overweight know they shouldn't eat too many cakes, takeaways, large portions, etc but continue to do so, knowing it's not good for their health.

confusedbythesystem · 15/02/2024 11:24

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 10:35

I mean, I currently going through a divorce so it is a particularly stressful period in my life, I do not usually drink this much (I am not making excuses as I do know its too much but it just helps me relax in the evening)

Divorce is stressful, acknowledged.

I've never been a big drinker, but when divorced (with 3 children) I knew I could never have even just one glass of wine with a meal if they were with me. As a single parent you have to be ready to take them to the emergency doctor or GP any time of the day or might. Later on, teens need lifts and late night collection. If you drive and are a single parent with DC resident, you cannot drink unless they're away or you're away for a weekend etc.

Sorry, but what you've described doesn't fit with responsible parenting.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 15/02/2024 11:27

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 10:35

I mean, I currently going through a divorce so it is a particularly stressful period in my life, I do not usually drink this much (I am not making excuses as I do know its too much but it just helps me relax in the evening)

The more you post, the more it seems like you really do care - and are potentially even quite worried about it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/02/2024 11:28

What I find funny is how on mumsnet some people can be so puritan about alcohol, the whole one sherry at Christmas or you’ve got a problem vibe and yet they don’t go any exercise! They see the gym as a bit self indulgent and detracts from
quality time with the kids or whatever! all have vices so let’s not be judgmental

2024WasNotInFactMyYear · 15/02/2024 11:29

Bigcoatweather · 15/02/2024 10:16

14 units is approximately one glass of wine a night.

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I used a large wine glass, so 3 units per day for a total of 21 units per week.

MightyGoldBear · 15/02/2024 11:30

CanOfCharms · 15/02/2024 11:01

‘We all know when we’re drinking too much or have developed an unhealthy relationship with it.’

As a doctor who has managed patients with addiction, I would say that this sentence is completely incorrect, I am afraid.

Show quote history

This!!!!!

Typically it's those around you that will notice and be concerned first. Do you have anyone who would notice? If its hidden of an evening on you're own then the likelihood if things escalate which addictions do,(If that's the case for you) it might be your children that are the ones to notice/find you.

Majority of the time the addict has to hit rock bottom before they realise themselves something needs to change. So it's worth caring about now. Plenty of support and healthy ways to cope with stress and divorce.

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 15/02/2024 11:46

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 09:23

We all do things we are not suppose to do, I am not overweight and eat a very balanced diet. Being overweight has loads of risk factors but I would never judge.

Who said anything about judging? We all make our own choices but then have to face the consequences. Your body, your life.

Sobbingteen · 15/02/2024 11:51

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/02/2024 11:28

What I find funny is how on mumsnet some people can be so puritan about alcohol, the whole one sherry at Christmas or you’ve got a problem vibe and yet they don’t go any exercise! They see the gym as a bit self indulgent and detracts from
quality time with the kids or whatever! all have vices so let’s not be judgmental

How do you know those are the same people?!

Jumpingthruhoops · 15/02/2024 11:54

Icantbedoingwithit · 15/02/2024 08:44

The thing is you DO care. You are just looking for other heavy drinkers to make you feel ‘normal’. Justification. You already know you drink too much so there is your answer. You also say you don’t care about it so you don’t have to stop. Classic addiction thinking.
Doing something that is consistently doing you damage physically, mentally and emotionally and making light of it in case God forbid, you had to give your crutch up. So you seek out others who are in the same boat so you can pacify yourself that it’s ok because others do it.
Kid yourself all you like, garner up as many others with a drink habit as you can to paper over the cracks that you actually NEED drink to relax, unwind and feel better. Nobody here cares. They don’t live with you. They are not damaging themselves but you will get the support of the ones who have a problem. The ones who will leave the house at 7pm in the evening in the rain because there is no wine for tonight. The ones who will inconspicuously buy many bottles with their groceries to make sure they are covered and the ones who cannot WAIT until wine o clock rolls round so they can crack open a bottle under the “ guise if relaxing”.
So deep down you DO care, you DO know you drink too much but the thoughts of not drinking fills you full of dread. THAT. Is a drink habit. Not an outlet, or a method of winding down, it is a drink habit.
Crack on! Keep doing what you are doing and relying on booze to help you cope with life. Nobody can stop you and if gathering a group of like minded people who do the same makes you feel better so be it.
Your body won’t thank you for it, that niggling feeling won’t go away and it will escalate. Put it to the back of your mind and keep drinking.
That’s what I did for a long time until something clicked and I didn’t want to be that way anymore. Nobody, let alone a group of women on the internet, will change your mind. It’s something you need to realise for yourself… or not and in that case, your body will give you the signs, then you can ignore them and pretend and convince yourself that your level of consumption week in week out is not the culprit. But for now, as predicted, take comfort in the many women who will tell you it’s ok. It will make you feel better momentarily until the need for reassurance comes again. Sure then you can start another post asking the same question and so it goes on..

Great post!

Jumpingthruhoops · 15/02/2024 12:01

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 09:42

i am not saying that what I am doing is fine, I am saying we all do things that are bad for us?

Well, no, lots of people don't. But you don't want to hear from those people...

Jumpingthruhoops · 15/02/2024 12:09

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 09:49

well that would be illegal wouldn't it

Whether something is legal or not is neither here nor there.
As I understand it, alcohol withdrawal is the only 'drug' withdrawal you can die from.
It's what happened to Amy Winehouse. She was clean of everything else.

Dotjones · 15/02/2024 12:13

YANBU. Rather than criticize, the people who think you are unreasonable would be better to focus their energy on changing society so that people no longer feel the need to drink excessively. I drink more than I should, I don't want to, but it's the only way I've found to get through life. Better someone drink to much but survive and hope things get better in future than to have another person to add to the suicide statistics.

That's what people don't seem to understand, most people who drink too much don't particularly want to, they're just trying to hang on to life.

MaybeImbad · 15/02/2024 12:14

The problem is OP that it’s a very very broad spectrum and will vary hugely from individual to individual.

But to take just one example - a 175ml glass every night may be over recommended standards, but for some people they may find the benefits of enjoyment and relaxation outweigh any negatives. For others, they may find it creeps up over time and is suddenly a bottle a night and they can’t relax without it.

So in that example, for the first lot of people no yanbu, but for the second yabu and it’s not helpful for them to hear drinking unhealthily doesn’t matter.

And that’s just one example.

Age is also a factor, the impact of drinking a bottle of wine in one sitting was negligible for me in my 20s and 30s…early 40s are a very different story. Not helped by the cumulative effect of two decades of drinking.

There are way way too many variables and alcohol struggles can be so difficult for so many that as a blanket statement in your OP then yes, I think YABU.

lifebeginsaftercoffee · 15/02/2024 12:23

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/02/2024 11:28

What I find funny is how on mumsnet some people can be so puritan about alcohol, the whole one sherry at Christmas or you’ve got a problem vibe and yet they don’t go any exercise! They see the gym as a bit self indulgent and detracts from
quality time with the kids or whatever! all have vices so let’s not be judgmental

Mumsnet has millions of different users, of course there are going to be lots of different (and often contradictory) opinions.

I'm one of those puritans who doesn't drink and who exercises everyday though, so what do I know

MaryShelley1818 · 15/02/2024 12:26

Shhh89 · 15/02/2024 07:19

So, I am respectable professional with 2 young children and find reaching for the wine helps me deal with the stresses of parenting/work/life. I am never drunk but know I drink more than I should, I dunno if I care about it because I am happy and it doesn't affect any aspect of my life?

I don't want to hear from anybody who doesn't drink really or has give up, that isn't the point of this thread.

So if you know you drink more than you should it will definitely be negatively affecting your health. However if having a good job, and 2 young children isn't enough to make you care about that then I doubt anything anyone says on here will.

Penguinfeet24 · 15/02/2024 12:45

I would happily drink one or two glasses of wine a night. I don't because a) I can't afford it and b) pretty sure I'd end up drinking more every night. I never used to drink really but I found a wine I really like and would happily drink it daily. My husband doesn't drink so I always feel a bit conspicuous when I do. Do I care? Not really but I also know that I could get out of hand and that worries me so I don't.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/02/2024 16:27

I drank too much when I was getting divorced too op. Sometimes you need to do what you need to do to get through something. I don’t drink at all these days. I don’t judge people who do, or don’t, we are all adults here. You can be ‘clean living’ and still get cancer, or go under a bus!

Jumpingthruhoops · 15/02/2024 16:28

Rather than criticize, the people who think you are unreasonable would be better to focus their energy on changing society

Are you joking? Why should it be up to those who don't have a drink problem to change society because some do? We're not the ones with the problem.

Surely personal responsibility has got to kick in at some point?

Whatonearth07957 · 15/02/2024 20:30

I drink wine and feel a bit guilty too. I know I need to cut back a bit, don't need to be told it. Smoke as well, clutches pearls

Mercurial123 · 16/02/2024 05:46

Whatonearth07957 · 15/02/2024 20:30

I drink wine and feel a bit guilty too. I know I need to cut back a bit, don't need to be told it. Smoke as well, clutches pearls

Seriously, nobody on here cares. Your body your choices.