To know you drink too much but dont care!

[Shhh89]

So, I am respectable professional with 2 young children and find reaching for the wine helps me deal with the stresses of parenting/work/life. I am never drunk but know I drink more than I should, I dunno if I care about it because I am happy and it doesn't affect any aspect of my life?

I don't want to hear from anybody who doesn't drink really or has give up, that isn't the point of this thread.

How much is too much? Have a glass every night with no alcohol free days is one thing but a bottle or more every night is different. My mums family is full of alcoholics, most died in their 50's and 60's. One was just a daily drinker, never a massive amount but she had to have a drink or 2 every day.

I used to smoke for the same reason and didn't care as it helped me and I enjoyed it. But smoking is a lot less socially acceptable than drinking yet both in excess are very damaging to your health and both affect others around you.

This actually was me a few years ago. Felt very comfortable in my drinking habit and felt judged by sanctimonious tee totallers who didn't understand that I was happy in my lifestyle choice.

The fact that you don't want to hear from non drinkers and just want an echo chamber to affirm your choices is quite telling, but I relate to it a lot.

If you want to drink, drink. Nobody will come and arrest you for it. You do you, but there are many nuanced levels to one's relationship with alcohol that are worth exploring. I'm one of those dreaded non drinkers that you don't want to hear from but I'm not anti alcohol. Alcohol can be a great relaxer for many, and when taken in moderation can be fine. Do what you want, drink if you want to. Only you know if, deep down, things have moved beyond that point.

Yep I drink too much sometimes but it is in stages. In the lead up to Christmas for example, I will have a glass every night and a couple on weekend nights. Then I have periods where I don’t have any because I worry it will cause weight gain if I do it all the time.

We're not the ones asking for validation.

But the term 'alcoholic' and 'alcohol dependent' is banded around so much it loses all meaning.

To me, true alcoholism means needing to drink at the expense of other things in your life - relationships, money, work, health (health is more grey because people react differently and health issues may not arise for years so can be ignored more easily).

Similarly alcohol dependency means having to drink because you're dependent on it. You need it to be relaxed/happy/functional and can't cope well without it.

If op is drinking every day there's a chance she could be dependent. Equally she might just really like it. I have no problem having 3/4 sober nights per week but I do enjoy the feeling of having a drink too, that doesn't make me dependent. It just means I like it.

Why would you guess that? 🙄

You've admitted you drink too much.

We all have vices. Whether they are direct health issues, depends on what they are.

You are either a) goady b) in denial, as evidenced by your defensiveness.

Precisely.
And stop sneering at those who don’t choose to drink OP.

If you have to start a thread justifying it and getting defensive, you're probably dependent.

Lol your internal organs moght disagree of they had a voice. Might be worth getting yourself checked out

If you need wine to relax then you definitely have a problem. I have PTSD and im neurodiverse but don't need alcohol to feel better.
I find less destructive ways to relax. Also, why are you justifying it to yourself by saying you're a "professional"? So strange! Do you think you're better than everyone else?

If someone was a SAHM for example and did what you do with wine, would that make them alcoholics in your eyes?

This is an odd thread, why wouldn't you want any viewpoints other than your own.

There's also an unpleasant theme of posters saying it's ok to be an alcoholic as long as you're thin and have a white collar job.

People need to look at the evidence. There is a lot of denial in this country. The culture is that drinking=fun and teetotal=boring. It’s a serious social problem. Esp with middle class women thinking they are fine because they are drinking ‘good’ wine.

Cancer will ruin your life much more than an alcohol-free night will.

This is from the WHO (Europe):

‘Alcohol is classified as a Group 1 human carcinogen by IARC. It is causally linked to 7 types of cancer. Besides female breast cancer, it increases the risk of developing oral cavity (mouth), pharynx (throat), oesophagus (gullet), liver, larynx (voice box) and colorectum (large intestine and rectum) cancers.

There is no safe level of alcohol consumption. The risk of breast cancer increases with each unit of alcohol consumed per day. More than 10% of alcohol-attributable cancer cases in the Region arise from drinking just 1 bottle of beer (500 ml) or 2 small glasses of wine (100 ml each) every day. For breast cancer, this is even higher: 1 in 4 alcohol-attributable breast cancer cases in the Region is caused by this amount.

“Simply put, alcohol is toxic. It harms every organ while it passes through the body,” says Dr Carina Ferreira-Borges, Acting Director for Noncommunicable Diseases and Programme Manager for Alcohol and Illicit Drugs at WHO/Europe.’

If your happy then it doesn't matter. Plenty of unhealthy choices I make but that's on me. If you're not worried then it doesn't matter what anyone thinks . I drink about 6 Coke Zero a day which is probably worse

Even if you are not dependent, alcohol is still a toxin which is increasing your risk of cancer. People should not delude themselves; an absence of physical or psychological dependence can still be problematic.

I imagine nobody is perfect. But these are all independent risk factors. Smoking, alcohol, obesity, etc. One does not negate the other. But that does not mean we should ignore each one.

The thing is you DO care. You are just looking for other heavy drinkers to make you feel ‘normal’. Justification. You already know you drink too much so there is your answer. You also say you don’t care about it so you don’t have to stop. Classic addiction thinking.
Doing something that is consistently doing you damage physically, mentally and emotionally and making light of it in case God forbid, you had to give your crutch up. So you seek out others who are in the same boat so you can pacify yourself that it’s ok because others do it.
Kid yourself all you like, garner up as many others with a drink habit as you can to paper over the cracks that you actually NEED drink to relax, unwind and feel better. Nobody here cares. They don’t live with you. They are not damaging themselves but you will get the support of the ones who have a problem. The ones who will leave the house at 7pm in the evening in the rain because there is no wine for tonight. The ones who will inconspicuously buy many bottles with their groceries to make sure they are covered and the ones who cannot WAIT until wine o clock rolls round so they can crack open a bottle under the “ guise if relaxing”.
So deep down you DO care, you DO know you drink too much but the thoughts of not drinking fills you full of dread. THAT. Is a drink habit. Not an outlet, or a method of winding down, it is a drink habit.
Crack on! Keep doing what you are doing and relying on booze to help you cope with life. Nobody can stop you and if gathering a group of like minded people who do the same makes you feel better so be it.
Your body won’t thank you for it, that niggling feeling won’t go away and it will escalate. Put it to the back of your mind and keep drinking.
That’s what I did for a long time until something clicked and I didn’t want to be that way anymore. Nobody, let alone a group of women on the internet, will change your mind. It’s something you need to realise for yourself… or not and in that case, your body will give you the signs, then you can ignore them and pretend and convince yourself that your level of consumption week in week out is not the culprit. But for now, as predicted, take comfort in the many women who will tell you it’s ok. It will make you feel better momentarily until the need for reassurance comes again. Sure then you can start another post asking the same question and so it goes on..

I think I probably drink too much per MN standard. I drink 5/7 evenings per week usually and have 2 glasses each time. I can go weeks without drinking and then have a week where I have a glass each night. Comes and goes. I enjoy my nightly glass or two of wine! Helps me unwind and settle into the evening after kids bedtime.

What a weird thread.

OP admits she drinks too much, admits she’s probably alcohol dependant and wants others like her to what, come together and celebrate?

It doesn’t matter if you can function well or deliver presentations at work the next day - your body will be showing the signs. Internally at first, but it will eventually show on your body and face too. You do you through.

I have vices, I have a sweet tooth. So I treat myself to a cherry bakewell or a mini trifle every day but not more than that because I know its bad and don't want to get fat.

I also love wine, nothing like a crisp, cold glass of chardonnay. But I also recognised when I was starting to use it to "relax" and to cope with the stresses of life. I stopped drinking in the week totally, and rarely drink at weekends. If I do it's one bottle over the course of the weekend.

I tend to favour alcohol free beers now..

What I would say OP, if you drink more than half a bottle of wine of an evening, I hope you're not driving the next day.

My story is almost identical. I'm now suffering from health issues. I was like you in my 30s. It creeps up on you.

@Beezknees it's not your place to speculate whether someone else is dependent or not. Only she knows deep down if she needs it or if she can take it or leave it. Only she knows her job, family dynamic, how she feels every morning and when she wakes up. So only she can truthfully know how alcohol affects her life, if she is reliant on it or if it's a vice the just doesn't want to give up.

The medical research is worrying but Jesus, everything can kill you these days. Red meat, smoking, vaping, being overweight, spray deodorants - people aren't going to give up all of these things and as adults we make balanced, informed choices over what risks we are willing to take.

I drink too much wine. I know that's not what you want to hear OP.
The point made by others that 'female professionals drinking wine' is totally middle class/ acceptable compared to working class women drinking cider, is spot on. Its marketing by a very powerful and profitable drinks industry. And it has hugely increased female wine consumption. The only things it's good for, is profiting the industry.
Some people love fast food, doesn't mean it's good for them, or wider society.

Alcoholics are never able to recognise when they are alcoholics until it steps into the realms of needing a drink as soon as they wake.

I will generally have 2 bottles of wine a week. But I drink them on 2 separate nights. I generally don't keep wine in the house as I find it's too easy to have a drink if it's there. Personally I find if I have to go to the shop it means I have to really fancy a drink,not just cause it's there. I think making it part of your daily routine becomes a fixed habit. It loses it "treat" status.
I think the question is can you stop it for a week without struggling. That's your sign of you controlling it or it controlling you.

It’s a shame your liver can’t add a comment, I’d love to know it’s thoughts on the matter.