To know you drink too much but dont care!

[Shhh89]

So, I am respectable professional with 2 young children and find reaching for the wine helps me deal with the stresses of parenting/work/life. I am never drunk but know I drink more than I should, I dunno if I care about it because I am happy and it doesn't affect any aspect of my life?

I don't want to hear from anybody who doesn't drink really or has give up, that isn't the point of this thread.

pointless!!!

I think just listen to your children if they tell you that they prefer the mummy who wakes up on the mornings when she hasn't had a drink the night before. When we've had threads on here about a period of abstinence, it's been what family and children have said about having more patience, more energy, being more awake and just a bit nicer that have been a wake up call. Alcohol abuse is a risk factor for all sorts of health issues including cancers. I'm vain, I've never spent money on addictions, excessive drinking because there's always been beauty treatments, makeup, clothes, a handbag on my list of wants. I was taught to drink what you enjoy, not to cope with life. I have always been around drinkers. People kid themselves that they are a better version of themselves when they drink to deal with their reality.

I drink too much and have done for many many years. I have always had 3 -4 nights a week off but on my drinking days overall I definitely exceed the recommended limit. I now have 5 days off and only drink at weekends but I still drink too much.

Do I worry? Yes of course I do. For my dd who is an only child. It's just her and I in my family and I worry desperately about the impact of me dying prematurely on her. It's this that has prompted me to cut down and I will continue to try to do so.

I do think your "I don't care" attitude when you have children is very selfish. Yes you may be a perfectly present capable mother now which may see your children long into adulthood but they don't cease to be your children just because they are grown. Do you really want to risk missing out on their weddings and your grandchildren when suddenly your body can't cope anymore and you are too unwell to be present or worse not there at all? Do you want to risk putting your children through watching you go through a long lingering illness or worse a long lingering death?

Part of being a parent is thinking about the bigger picture. Not just the here and now

I was like you as a single busy working mum. I drank most nights as it was my time and I enjoyed it. It relaxed me. It got me through tough days, of which there were many.
What changed for me, was a few things. The main one being that I realised drinking actually made me feel worse, not better. Tired, irritable, anxious. Once that clicked, I stopped drinking and I haven't gone back.
Also seeing the devastating effects of alcoholic liver disease kill someone in their 40s, in one of the most painful and undignified drawn out ways I've ever known, will keep me away from the stuff permanently. We genuinely don't appreciate our liver until it's about to give up on us.
The myth that surrounds mummy wine culture, relaxing after a hard day, sinking a load of drink to cheer us up, is so toxic. It's killing so many women earlier and earlier, and as someone else said, breast cancer risk increases when you drink.
Yep, I'm pissing on your bonfire OP, but you're fucking kidding yourself!

I slipped into the habit of drinking a couple of glasses of wine a night. I think it started during lockdown and was a way for me to transition from “work” to “home” whilst not actually changing my location.

I woke up one day and thought this is really bad. I was getting through 3-4 bottles of wine a week, my weight was going up, my skin was bad, I always had a low-level headache in the background. I didn’t put any of that down to drinking at the time.

So I stopped drinking to see if I could. It was harder than I thought it would be which I was ashamed about as it meant that I did have some sort of addiction going on.

Now I drink when I go out for dinner, or I drink when I go to the pub, but I don’t drink at home out of habit anymore. I feel so much better and find I can deal with mildly stressful situations or the kids playing up much better too.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I didn’t realise how much the habitual drinking was affecting me until I stopped it.

I think the effect of women drinking alcohol in increasing amounts is a ticking time bomb. I do foresee that we will have a rise in women’s cancers over the next couple of decades. I really hope I am wrong.

As a doctor I present the information in a non-judgemental and non-lecturing way to patients if they ask me. Then it is of course up to them to make their own decisions. We have free will. But a couple of glasses of wine a few nights a week is not as benign as many people think. It’s hard to shake cultural attitudes though.

I drink more than I should sometimes, often I drink nothing at all and the rest of my lifestyle is good. I'm a healthy weight, exercise loads, eat my 5 a day, minimal processed foods, careful sun protection, take steps to protect my mental health and keep my brain active, volunteer, which is apparently good for health and longevity.

Provided the drinking itself isn't adversely impacting on you or anyone else, I don't know why people sneer at it in a way that they don't when people take risks by not following other health advice.

I am / was you. I Love wine and was definitely drinking too much but justifying it “life’s too short to deny myself” “I’m a fully functioning professional” etc etc. but trust me it creeps up on you. I’m probably older than you. In my 30’s I was running marathons whilst enjoying my daily drinking. Fast forward to late 40s and although fully functioning it was definitely affecting me more than I realised. I’ve just done dry January and have decided to continue with it. I’m not saying I’ll never drink again but have happily broke the habit of reaching for wine when happy, sad, stressed, celebrating, because it’s Friday and every other reason I can think of. As a reward for my efforts I feel so much better without realising how bad I was feeling. I have more energy, sleep better, no more heart burn, no more palpitations, less sluggish, more motivated, more patient, the weight is dropping off me and I’m exercising better. I am An overall better person and who knows - maybe Could get back into marathons again. So, I’m not sure what you are looking for by this thread. I agree, I loved / loved wine and if it’s harming no one why stop? Except maybe it is harming you, you just haven’t realised yet.

If you are ‘vain’, as you say, not drinking, is a great thing! Over time alcohol can really affect and age your skin. I am in my 50s now and you can really start to tell the heavy drinkers by their appearance.

What do you mean 'here we go'? It IS too much. You seem very defensive for someone so happy with their choices?

I think you know your drinking is a problem and want to feel better about it by hearing from others that it's 'fine'.

But we all know it isn't. Using alcohol as a crutch to deal with life's stresses is a problem that needs addressing.

You will start caring when, not if, your health is affected. Sadly by then it will be too late. Your choice.

We all do things we are not suppose to do, I am not overweight and eat a very balanced diet. Being overweight has loads of risk factors but I would never judge.

‘We genuinely don't appreciate our liver until it's about to give up on us.’

Yes. The good/bad thing about the liver is that it can keep doing its job even when a significant part of it is destroyed. And then when people finally become symptomatic, it’s too late. Livers are so important. They detoxify all the crap we ingest and throw at them. But at some point they give up.

Keep going then…. Reap the “rewards” later.

The NHS is dealing more and more with patients who are affected by illnesses caused essentially or in part with long term alcohol abused.

I just lost a very very dear friend in her early 60s through liver disease. She appeared healthy and was very active until the last months.

the last months were hell though and she was in so much pain. Liver disease pain is resistant to most pain killers, even morphine. It's a horrible death.

What you want is to continue to be in denial with others also in denial. You are responsible for your own choices and decisions. It's a balance game. Short term or long term benefits.

OK. I drink plenty of wine. I don't feel guilty. But I do know that it absolutely affects my health. I saw a risk of breast cancer graphic on a doctor's desk and I admit I was shocked. I had no idea how much alcohol increases the risk. I don't think most women do. So crack on (as I am) but don't kid yourself that it's not affecting you.

So you want permission to drink? A pat on the back? Call to social services? What do you want?

Like it or not, science is science and facts are facts. You might look back on this attitude while undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer one day and think you were a little bit of a twit.

I have an aunt who had this attitude about smoking. Now she has emphysema 🤷‍♀️ and facing a pretty horrible old age. I think she might be a bit surprised older her actually cares about quality of life. Younger her was a bit dismissive of old age and thought 'live while you're young'.

i drank a bit too much - every day, about half a bottle - for years and years and was fine with it. The only reason I drink much less now (I’m 60) is because it doesn’t agree with me (stomach acid). I certainly don’t regret anything. You do you OP.

Sounds fine by me, but I'm not very healthy from drinking. I guess it depends how much you drink. I think 14 units a week is a daft number. No-one only drinks one drink (if they do drink regularly) or it seems to suggest you could binge drink all 14 in one go?
I have liver damage from drinking, that was diagnosed at 26 initially. So clearly it's not great. A lot of people do get ALD if they drink more than 3 drinks per day for several years. This can lead to cirrhosis and death and I'm praying that's not going to be the thing that I drop from. It is not good for you physically, but having said that, it can really help as a mental crutch, as long as it's not too excessive.

i am not saying that what I am doing is fine, I am saying we all do things that are bad for us?

@Shhh89 yes, we all do things that are bad for us. However the majority of people do so in moderation where it’s not a daily activity that’s affecting our health. No one here is going to give you a pat on the back for drinking to such excess.

No, not all of us and certainly not all of us drink copious amounts of booze willingly knowing it is doing us damage. Some of us used to though.

So you never do anything that is you know is bad for you?

You have liver damage from drinking and you still drink or did I get that wrong?