To know you drink too much but dont care!

[Shhh89]

So, I am respectable professional with 2 young children and find reaching for the wine helps me deal with the stresses of parenting/work/life. I am never drunk but know I drink more than I should, I dunno if I care about it because I am happy and it doesn't affect any aspect of my life?

I don't want to hear from anybody who doesn't drink really or has give up, that isn't the point of this thread.

OP if someone took drugs to deal with the stresses of the week, what would you think?

I am not an alcoholic so no

OP, it seems like you might be at the start of exploring something about your drinking. Something about your drinking is starting to niggle you, and you've come on here looking for validation. That's ok, it's a very understandable thing to do. It's ok to have a complicated relationship with alcohol - to really enjoy it, to feel that it benefits you in various ways, and yet to be aware of the other less healthy aspects to alcohol use. It doesn't have to be black or white. Shades of grey are often a more realistic way of looking at a situation

A few people on here have asked you why you started this thread and what exactly you're looking for? I would encourage you to make some space for those questions and try to answer them for yourself, over time. You certainly don't need to share the answers on here if you don't want to, but you might find it useful to keep on exploring what you have started here

well that would be illegal wouldn't it

'Bad things' are not equally bad. My row of chocolate a night isn't good but it isn't as bad as two glasses of wine which will most likely add up to 4 -6 units depending on how generous the pour was. (When I measured my glasses they were well in excess of 125ml).

I do drink, but unlike you I do care. Two children who need me. So, although I'd really like to put my feet up and drink more freely, I control it very strictly.

I’m like you in your first two sentences, but I know I’m unreasonable: I should care about it because I do love my DC and DH and friends really!

@Icantbedoingwithit Most people who drink moderately over 10 years plus will have liver damage. It's just you would never know until it gets bad. I only knew as I was part of a medical trial. I have no symptoms. I do try not to but I have so many other massive problems I do sometimes drink. Like a couple of wines or whatever. Yeah, shoot me now. But believe me that's the least of my problems.

if you enjoy something and it's not harming you or anyone else do it

there are people stuffing themselves with beef burgers out there and no BBA

I don't drink now but when I did it was way more than the healthy/recommended amount, and most of the time I didn't really care.

Not to that extent no. I don’t overeat, I don’t smoke, my diet isn’t the best in fairness but it’s not horrendous.
I used to drink too much, just like you though, I used to try justify it just like you and had I been on Mumsnet back then I probably would have looked for validation to continue just like you. Nobody could have changed my mind into thinking it was not ok, just like you. Only I could do that and thankfully I did. Very hard to retrain your brain that it actually doesn’t need alcohol to feel relaxed and happy but it doesn’t. I was you once, not quite an alcoholic yet but had a drink habit and well on my way of getting there. It’s a choice you have to make for yourself and no matter how many people tell you it’s ok, deep down you are not happy that you need it but convince yourself that because you think it makes you happy it’s ok because stopping is too hard to even imagine so on you go..

Lots of people drink a lot and are fine until they're not.

I had to stop drinking at 40 as it started making me feel unwell and depressed so it wasn't worth it. I have also been brought up around alcoholics.

My mum always enjoyed a drink, she had a full time job as a teacher and did a load of sport. She was running marathons etc. it was 'fine' until she was late 40s/ 50s and a series of life events led her into a spiral. She's now 71, has Korsakoffs and is reliant on carers.

I know that isn't everyone's story and others will drink moderately/ heavily all their lives and come out unscathed but I don't think it's a bad thing to be aware of worse case scenario and to reduce the risks of that happening. Once you tip into being an alcoholic it's so hard to come out the other side.

You actually said:

"I drink more than I should, I dunno if I care about it because I am happy and it doesn't affect any aspect of my life"

It would help if you replied by quoting as it looks like you asked for people like me to respond, but then ignored me?

At least you are trying and not in denial. I understand how hard it can be.

I don’t drink during the week or when I’m on my own with DS, which is most weekday nights. I enjoy probably a bottle of wine over the course of the weekend, if that, and don’t feel guilty about it. If there’s a weekend where I have a bit much, which is usually if we go out to a social occasion and have several things on over the course of the weekend, then I realise I’ve probably had too much and I usually limit myself the weeks after, but I wouldn’t say I feel guilty. For me it’s more health reasons too and I’m trying to lose weight. Not long ago one of my pets had a horrific accident on an evening I was home alone and I’d just sat down with a glass of wine and had had probably 2 sips, so I was ok to rush to emergency vets and luckily he survived, if there had been a delay getting him there we’d been told it could have turned out much differently. It hit me afterwards how different the situation may have been if I’d had the large glass before the accident and so couldn’t jump in the car, and god forbid if it was me home with DS and he’d been the one who’d needed rushing to A&E. I felt guilt then I will admit!

Even if you don’t feel you’re an alcoholic, it sure ain’t good for you. My DS was specifically taught in med school to spot the glass-of-wine-a-night drinkers (21 units), and make sure they know how far above the weekly limit they are (14 units).
It’s not uncommon OP, but it will be doing silent damage in the background.

I like wine and I enjoy it guilt free. I only drink it two nights a week because that’s what suits me. I am neither an evangelical anti-alcohol person nor a rabid alcoholic. Is that, like, ok?

I probably drink red wine everyday, sometimes one small glass, sometimes two small glasses with food. If I’m on my own because DH is away, I don’t drink and never drink if I’ll be driving.
As my Italian relatives would say, ‘una cena senza vino è come un giorno senza sole’.
A meal without wine is like a day without sun.
My grandparents would call a meal without a splash of wine ‘povera’.
The brits have a weird relationship with alcohol, ranging from puritanical to bingeing far too much.
We all need to relax a bit more.
I drink because I savour the taste, have no other vices and enjoy feeling relaxed at the end of a day.
It makes me feel content.
OP, as long as you aren’t dependent on it, the bit of relaxation and de-stressing you’ll get is a positive. Anyone saying alcohol is a huge health risk yet eats cake, biscuits, UPFs etc….needs to relax. We all know when we’re drinking too much or have developed an unhealthy relationship with it.
We’re all going to die someday. I’d like to go to my grave feeling I enjoyed all of life, family, culture and food.

DW and I both enjoy wine, I enjoy beer.
We do choose our wines as carefully as we do our food ingredients. We consciously eat well, are retired, no money worries, not rich, nicely comfortable. We are in good health and fit for our age. So we enjoy a drink most days and I mean enjoy.
The remark upthread about it is the switch to adult part of the evening after DCs in bed I understand.

I think it's fine to drink too much and not care. It's your body and your life. As you rightly point out, it's not illegal.

What's odd is that you think when people post on here worried about their drinking, you don't believe people should tell them the truth. If people post to say they drink a bottle of wine a day and want to know if that's considered too much, there really is only one correct answer to that. Nobody is attacking YOU and your drinking when they answer that question honestly.

You need to think about why an honest answer to that question makes you feel defensive.

I will sometimes drink a bottle of wine in a night. If I asked on here if that was considered binge drinking I would be told, rightly, that it is. That doesn't make them thimble of sherry at Christmas, temperance movement fun sponges. It makes them honest.

14 units is approximately one glass of wine a night.

I definitely drink too much and get drunk (not steaming just merry) at least once a week. I don’t care, life is short, do what you enjoy as you never know what is around the corner. I also probably eat far too much fatty food again I don’t care. I have horses and dogs so am active and a healthy weight for my size (5ft 2 and 9 st) . I do my job well, run a lovely home and successfully raised 2 amazing teens, if I want a wine or two on a nighttime or fancy a Saturday afternoon pub crawl then I will bloody well do it. Cheers to you 🥂

Of course people do. But not 5 times a week every week and expect to get away with it in the future no.

I mean, I currently going through a divorce so it is a particularly stressful period in my life, I do not usually drink this much (I am not making excuses as I do know its too much but it just helps me relax in the evening)

I am optimistic that when I feel the need to cut down I will

It’s fine to not care if you know you’re drinking heavily at the moment but how would you feel if you were diagnosed with a serious condition which drinking heavily raised the risk factor. Would you feel bad for your kids or still not care? It’s ok to not care when there are no visible consequences. It’s easy to reach for the bottle when life gets tough, I know I did in my 20’s but thankfully I don’t drink much these days and I never thought I’d say it but I don’t miss it. I’ll have an odd half a cider in moderation and maybe a few at Christmas or a toast at a wedding - that’s enough for me now.