To have said I wasn't going to feed them?

[chucklechucky]

This happened last weekend but only had chance to post.

Last Saturday I ended up looking after DSS 11 by myself when DH had to work overtime. We also have a 3 year old together.

DSS had asked for a friend to sleep over which to be honest I wasn't keen on as I was by myself and could have done without another child in the house when DH wasnt there but I reluctantly agreed after a bit of guilt tripping!

I did say to DH though that if DSS's friend was staying then he would have to have tea at his own home first and come after that as I didn't want to have to feed him as well (the friend). We didn't have any pizzas to chuck in unless I dragged a 3 year old to the shop for one and what I'd planned to cook was more of a sit at the table kind of meal which I didn't want to have to do with DSS's friend, who I've never met.

Dh seemed a bit put out by this and was making comments like "you wouldn't say that if it was DC3s friend when they are older".

We ended up getting into a little bit of an argument and I basically said he either eats before he comes or he doesn't come. Dh did end up speaking to DSS who asked his friend to have tea first. Friend did so, came over, and they were fine (if not a little loud and had to be told a few times to keep it down once it was late).

Things with me and DH were tense the next day.

Was I being unreasonable? I felt I was doing DH a favour as it was, and then another on top having DSS's friend over when he wasn't there and I just cba cooking tea for another person on top of that too and having to have a sit down meal with a random 11 year old I didn't know.

I don't see how it's a big deal to just simply ask a friend to have tea before coming over. Aibu?

I’m so so glad that my son’s step mum allows his friends to stay at their house and always feeds them and makes them feel welcome. She also has him for me when I have to work and on her own too! She always offers and is even helping with DS2 who is not even her step child!

If you care that much about your child not being fed tea at a last minute sleepover then you're the rude one imo. Feed your own child or host it yourself if you're that arsed.

If you marry someone who already has children, don't those children automatically become part of your family and get treated how you would treat your ow children? Or am I being naive?

I have step kids. And no children of my own.
I'm normally on the side of step parents on here for the majority of posts.
But you've got to feel for the kids a bit here.
If you'd been badgered into agreeing to the sleepover in the first place, then you should have provided tea. I think that sends a strong message to your step kid more than anything. Even more than to the other kid being invited... it's like point scoring with your OH, but through the kids. In my eyes.

Who says she couldn't get out? Op say she would have had to "drag a three year old to the shop", as though that was an insurmountable obstacle instead of something people do every day.

Or the husband who'd done the inappropriate badgering in the first place could have ordered some.

You are being naive.

Maybe she couldn't be arsed that day. People are allowed to just not feel like doing something every and then.

Which brings me back to the question of do people really just never say no to their kids because they don't feel up to doing something at that moment in time?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 see it's not about 'doing DH a favour' it's about actually wanting to spend quality time with your SC. My step mum was amazing through my childhood & she's now a brilliant nan to my son

That’s so mean OP. Be kind.

How embarrassing for your SS. Did you feed them breakfast the next morning?

Oh here we go; the crumpled old misogyny card gets played again.

It would have been better to not allow the sleepover rather than make things awkward for DSS. He’s not going to want to invite a friend over next time.

Surely the fridge isn’t empty? You could have made a cheese sandwich with crisps on the side and a banana and some other bits and bobs. 11 years olds aren’t bothered.

You’d be upset if your DS is treated like that when older.

A lot of men marry women that don't care they already have children. Men's brains are simply not wired to care about such things ie if their new wife will be kind to his existing children or not, hence why throughout time the wicked stepmother fairytales have endured the ages.

It's perfectly clear she couldn't be arsed. Crystal clear.

Not nice, OP, not nice. Don't take out your resentments out on a child. Your behaviour has red flags over it

Well tbf I've not really seen much outrage at the man badgering as another PP said, his wife into agreeing to something she didn't want to do and then doing nothing to help when she did agree (after his badgering) like, I dunno, solving this whole thing by ordering the kids some pizza?

Or, crazy idea, not being a fucking massive hypocrite and expecting his wife to parent his child but not really parent, only what he sees fit.

I have never heard of a mum saying she can’t feed a child because she had planned a sit at the table meal and can’t face sitting at the table with the friend. So when applied at the appropriate level of abstraction, no parents don’t say they aren’t up to it.

And that's a problem because....???

You think there aren't parents up and down the country refusing sleepovers occasionally because they can't be arsed?

Don't pretend you'd think anything of this if the child wasn't a step child.

I agree with you OP.

You’re weird and bratty I think OP

I literally find this a bit ridiculous! Can't imagine being told to eat before I went round my friends house wtf 😂

I don’t believe she couldn’t be arsed; I think she objected on principle. The reason she gave was she didn’t feel like sitting at the table with thd child. It’s beyond weird.

Maybe she didn't feel up to going out to the shop with a 3 year old, cooking and making conversation with the friend etc that day. And?

There are plenty of times I have said to my child "not today mate sorry" because I'm just not up to doing it that day. Doesn't mean I'm evil and never let him have a friend over or go to the park or whatever else.

Maybe maybe maybe. But it’s not what she said.

I just think she shouldn't have said yes in the first place. But because she did, you've sorted of got to follow through with it haven't you.
It would have just been better all round if she'd have just said no to the sleepover.
And if she feels like she can't say no, there's bigger issues than feeding kids at a sleepover.