Has anyone ever given you some life changing advice?

[scottyhannah]

My first ever boss told me to find my voice and do things with purpose.
It was a dig at the time as I was a shy little 17 year old but for some reason it stayed with me for the next 30 years and I still hear his voice butt into my head when I need motivation.
He would have no idea that his frustrated jibe would have helped make me who I am.

But you would if the things that were making you unhappy were specific to the old town. The saying sounds like "if you are unhappy with anything, the problem is always you".

What I wish someone had told me, and what I will tell my daughters:

"Love isn't everything".

I spent my whole life looking to be loved, to find true love, to give love. I made decisions on the basis of it that changed my whole life. I can't regret it now as i have my daughters who (ironically) I love more than anything and have given meaning to my life it never had. But I would HATE to see them do what I did and spend their whole life looking for someone to love them, never even stopping to examine who or what it was that I was hoping they would love, or who or what I wanted to be. I want love to be something given for them, something almost boring, the bedrock they stand on to do and become other things. I wish someone had told me the love I wanted didn't really exist, it was a fantasy I was building to fill an unfillable hole left when my mother walked out on us kids, and that I could either spend my whole life chasing it and being disappointed, or work out what ELSE mattered to me and pursue that.

My colleague when I first joined the civil service, back in '87. He was coming up for retirement and gave me a piece of advice that served me well for the rest of my career.

"If someone comes towards you with a file in their hands, put your hands behind your back so they can't give it to you. If they manage to get around this blocking technique, immediately add a new page to the file, saying 'For Your Attention', and send it to someone senior in your department. You will never see it again."

Dear old Ray, he was a gentleman and a pleasure to work with :)

"They're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time."

Something I always remember when my toddler is crying and only wanting to be held!

“You don’t fatten a pig by weighing it.”

Helps me stop dithering and just get it done!

Several for me

Don't judge your inside on somebody else's outside. This really helped me when I was spiraling with low self esteem and using Social Media as a yard stick.

This too shall pass - good and bad situations don't tend to last forever

Last one
Sometimes, good enough is good enough

I remember reading on here a long time ago - All fed, none dead. Sometimes that's enough to get you through the day.

@Inextremis

My colleague when I first joined the civil service, back in '87. He was coming up for retirement and gave me a piece of advice that served me well for the rest of my career.

"If someone comes towards you with a file in their hands, put your hands behind your back so they can't give it to you. If they manage to get around this blocking technique, immediately add a new page to the file, saying 'For Your Attention', and send it to someone senior in your department. You will never see it again."

Dear old Ray, he was a gentleman and a pleasure to work with :)

Ray was a genius! I love Ray's style.

Unfortunately, paper files are gasping their last death. I wonder what the modern equivalents are - out of office on all the time so you can't "receive" anything and then forwarding on with for your attention?

“What are they going to do, shoot me?!” - Louie Spence

He was trespassing on the Pineapple Dance Studio rooftop but I use it in situations when I or my DP have failed in some small way (usually with life admin - we’re incredibly scatterbrained) and have fallen into some negative self-talk. I just say, “Well,, what are they gonna do, shoot us?” and we move on.

I also like “Well, you haven’t murdered anyone!” at the moment because we’re watching a lot of crime docs 😂

Most people don't care about you

When I first heard this I thought it was harsh. But what it's saying is that sometimes we worry about what others think. And most of the time they aren't actually thinking anything about us at all.

The voice in your head that says you can't do this is a liar.

Dress for the job you want to have, not the one you have.

"good enough" parenting means getting it right 30% of the time (Winnicott).

Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.

Put your boots on before putting your corset on.

Don't take criticism from anyone who does not have your best interests at heart.

I felt this. Thank you for sharing.

Similarly:

"No-one's going to die"

I don't think I ever actually received this advice but I live by it. I've given it out many times, especially to DP who is an over-thinker.

One day we will all be dead and literally nothing will matter.

Oh yes also my current (wonderful) boss: "It's only libraries, no-one's going to die!"

We tried to buy a 2 bed flat in London for 250 k...buy the time we got to exchange which was only a few months. The seller said the lease hold flat was 350k and we pay that or loose it. We couldn't afford it. I remember leaving the estate agent and another kind estate saw us and said...if I were you id enjoy a few months more of London and get out. Best advice ever as the Olympics were coming up. We had another last few months whilst dh applied for jobs outside London. We made our escape and never ever regretted it.

"A closed mouth doesn't get fed." i.e. if you don't ask, you don't get. Said to me by an ex when too scared to ask for something I needed from someone with power who could give it to me. Gave me a lot of confidence actually, in just asking for what I need, rather than waiting for it to be given.

Thanks to Mumsnet: "When a man shows you who he is, believe him." Has stopped me staying with sooo many guys now, when I see who they are after a few weeks or months. Whereas before, I would try and make it work, rather than see it being down to them and their poor attitude/communication etc.

I can't remember where I first saw this, but 'Use what you have, do what you can, start where you are." It's a rewrite of what Theodore Roesevelt said, but I like it in this way better. It reminds me to just start on a project or a dream, even if I think I don't have the skills or resources to do so. Then I've found, sometimes The Universe gives you that extra thing you were missing, if you just begin and keep going.

I'm still learning about my procrastination though, so this thread should help!

@ExpectantEs

"No-one's going to die"

Not so much if you work in medicine!

"Feel the fear and do it anyway".

This was my mum's mantra when I was growing up. It took me until my 40s to be brave enough to do it. It's been a slow burn, but my goodness, it's powerful once you get your mind to the right place.

The 6 Ps.
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.

Nobody is coming to save you.

Just that. YOU make choices. You change your own life.

Nobody is coming to save you.

Really? I was so hopeful...

'Just jump'.

So I did. And it was fab.

Also, as an NQT, "if you aren't making mistakes, you aren't learning." (When I was sobbing about another lesson that I had carefully planned didn't work out as I had hoped)

Sorry for the crudeness but a really close friend of mine has a 'fuck it' mantra. She told me once that if something's bothering you, just say 'fuck it' and move on. Obviously I wouldn't do this if it was likely to hurt anyone, but there's SO much in life that we worry over, and at the end of the day it doesn't matter. Even if the worst case scenario happened in these situations, nothing truly life altering would happen.