People settling down later - why?

[Hildyloo]

I’m in my early 60s, I have 3 children who are 33, 35 and 37. I was married at 23, perhaps the younger half of my friends but most weren’t far behind. By 30 almost all were married, most had kids and those who weren’t were most likely at least in a long term relationship.

Of my 3 children, my eldest (DS) married at 29, 2 kids now who are 3 and 12 months. Middle (DD) married at 32, is expecting her first. My youngest is 33, not married, but been in the same relationship since she was 31, he has told us he plans to propose this year, then be maybe 3 or so years before marriage - so possibly 36/37.
They are all attractive and successful, youngest DS is with an ex-model and all have 6 figure salaries.
We have 3 weddings this year, mainly friends children. The couples are all 32-38, one already has children the others don’t.
I feel this is increasingly the norm - but why??
Surely with rising costs the incentive would be to get into a relationship so you can split the costs a bit more equally? DS2 and his girlfriend (30) have just moved in together, his first time living with a partner.
They also seem to be out drinking and partying a lot which isn’t behaviour I really associate with people in their 30s.
I also feel like this is more common amongst our friends who live in London or have children living in London (or other big cities) compared to those who have stayed rural or in towns - why is that?

AIBU to wonder why the change and to think it’s a bit odd?

Because when you were growing up you were probably conditioned like most other young women to marry well, have children and keep a nice home. It's such an outdated way of thinking.

Women should be equal to any man and that also means we have autonomy over how we feel and what we do.

Settling down is great if that's what you want. There are many men brought up believing they are to be serviced by women, also a very outdated way of thinking.

We don't all want the same things and that's absolutely fine.

In the past people got together, the man worked, the woman kept the house, people thought having kids and any house is all there is. I do not argue that if you boil life down to the bare basics, this is what life is.

Now seems people cannot meet a good partner early enough. Many men-children, just read around. Men leaving pregnant women, going with 20 years younger women, creating endless chains of step families. I would honestly blame it on the immaturity of the men

There have always been people who settle down /have children in their 30s - there are quite a few on my family going back 200 years!

Also, lots of people go to uni in another city/place and then want to travel/live a single life, etc before they settle down. In my extended family, those who got a job near home after they finished school/college seem more likely to settle down earlier than those who go to uni.

Each to their own!

Because it can take that long to find someone decent.

I had my only child as a teenager. Met my partner in my early 30s, bought our first home only a few years ago as took that long to save up. I’m 50ish now and we have not even married yet.

Our delay on that part very likely to toxic families (I am no contact at the moment) and hideous divorces. My parents one scarring me for life and me deciding I never ever want to marry and go through that.

So took my partner 15years to propose as we are both too worried about turning into our parents, going through a divorce and letting each other down when we are best friends. And now after all that worry one of our parents and stepparents are divorcing (married less time than we’ve been together) so has made us think we were right to not marry. It’s a confusing subject for us with no decent role models.

One person’s heaven is another’s hell.

I could have settled down in my twenties and had kids, but I had zero desire or motivation to do so. I had and have no desire for children, so I haven’t been under pressure from biology.

All three of your children are on 6 figure salaries??!

aye, right op @Hildyloo

Do us a favour and go back to the 1950's

You’d have to be an absolute moron to have a child out of wedlock and in your 20’s. Both of those scenarios sound like utter shit to me.

Education is playing a huge role
in why we are settling down later. The more educated someone is, the older they are when the have their kids.

Ooo you probably live in that there London too don't you eh?!

I got married younger than my mum. She was 34, I was 29.

Btw my advice to my teenage child, after being a teen parent, was to enjoy your life to the full, finding and doing things that you really enjoy whilst single . And hopefully finding someone nice to spend time with, or maybe your life with in your 30s. There’s no rush, the important bit is doing things you enjoy and being happy.

As after all the hardships I have had to go through I hoped for something different for my child as an adult.

A moron???? I was a lone parent as a teenager so thank you for that judgement of me.

And for your information I am also very well educated, I gained my qualifications after having my child.

Exactly this.

My DD is 17, and thankfully she currently is preparing for going to college and then for the career she wants, as well as traveling and living her life without being tied down.

There’s plenty of time for housework and changing nappies, and I’m glad that my DD lives in a country and a time that allows her the freedom to choose when that time is.

My mum was married at 19, had me at 20, and the same was true for all of my aunts and uncles (one of my aunts was married at 17 😳), but that was just the done thing back then.

Every single one of those marriages ended in pretty acrimonious divorces - and the marriages themselves would put you off for life.

If you think it’s odd, OP, that’s fair enough, but I’m just grateful. Modern society gets quite a bit wrong, but in my opinion, this isn’t one of those things.

It's a consequencnof an increasingly individualistic society that a greater proportion of people don't mind ending up alone.

Childlessness is also on the rise, although not yet the norm.

More people are seemingly content to remain single indefinitely.

This has got to be a wind up. Your attractive millionaire children are slow to get married? Drinking and having fun is not something people in their 30s should be interested in?

Have you just woken from a coma and realised it’s not 1964?

You’d have to be an absolute moron to have a child out of wedlock and in your 20’s. Both of those scenarios sound like utter shit to me.

This is exactly the kind of response this thread was always going to get 😐

@KimberleyClark I did as well! My parents married in their early 30’s over 50 years ago. They both had careers, my Mum’s was the more successful.

Getting married and settling down in your 20’s doesn’t suit a lot of people.

Costs are insane

Housing for example highest its been vs wages since 1800s

Because women don’t need to marry now in order to have money.

basically.

@bonzaitree They haven’t for a few decades, thank goodness.

As soon as I started reading, I knew the MNSFS would come up. I think it needs its own acronym by now.

My mother is unaware of the figures of my salary. Seems very strange for this mum to know for all her children... And yes, the acronym is sorely needed.

I also think the Venn Diagram of those on MNSFS are also the ones eating only MN Massive Salads.

• School to 18
• University in my case until 22
• Then 5 years getting established in my career, which involved a lot of overseas travel. Bought a flat .
• 5 years in one relationship then he cheated so we split
• Back to working abroad
• Finally had a baby in my 40s.

I've remained single though. No need for me to cook & clean for a man. I have my own home, my own income and have never met a man who wanted to be an equal partner, and I won't settle for less. Life is too good to waste on a selfish husband.

I am 34 and I’ve been with my husband 17 years. We bought our first house 7 years ago. Previously, we lived together in PIL. We’ve been engaged many years but only married 2 years ago and recently had our first child.

You mentioned all your children were successful. It was very important to me to establish a successful career before bringing children in to the world.

House prices are a lot more expensive these days. We wanted to save a deposit before moving out.

We wanted to live before having children, late nights, lie ins, travelling and parties. Non of which happen now.

Our child is our absolute world. The best thing that’s ever happened to us. Our life revolves around him and we couldn’t be happier. We’ve lived our life it’s now time to create a family life - with a good income.

YANBU for being curious but YABU for finding someone’s else’s choices odd because they differ to yours - that seems a little judgemental.

Because women are seen as human beings with their own ideas, wishes and independence, and no longer (for the most part) are forced by society into being housewives and mothers and nothing more. That's why.

People are more promiscuous. People want to have more sexual partners- it's socially acceptable and has been facilitated by apps. It's now considered odd to meet someone young and have one sexual partner in life- and perceived as though you are missing out. Now dating has a stick or twist mentality. I think people settle less too- women can feel fulfilled by career rather than family so less likely to just marry whoever they are with in their late twenties. People travel more and, women in particular, are more highly educated- and this takes up your twenties.