To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I'm 66, with a 33yr old daughtera 31 yr old son and a 25yr old daughter . Do the Maths, 40 yes old for the last birth. My husband is also 66 and we have a great relationship with them, going away every December together
to do Xmas market and party.
We're all off to one of my son's pals wedding in May in Croatia.
I guess my point is it's about relationships and living in the moment rather than moaning about being 50yrs. Sorry to sound mean but 50 seems soooo young to me now.

My daughter and I have exactly the same age gap; she was born a few weeks after my 40th birthday and is now late teens. I just asked her if it had ever bothered her and she said no, except that when she was little she struggled to keep up with us, we had to wait for her! Now, it’s the other way around 🤣🤣. It’s only because I need an op and walk more carefully than previously, but if that’s the worst thing about older parents then I’ll take that!!
if you get on and love each other, she’ll keep you young!!

I'm 50 this year. My kids will be 8. Not embarrassed at all. Why would you be?

Daughter of an older mum here, as well as an older mum. My mum fretted over it, she was 44 when she had me, and lied to me about her age. I thought it was silly and not a great example of being a role model at different ages! That being said, she's dying now, and I do wish she was younger as my daughter won't remember her. So make sure your girl has kids young 😜that's my plan anyway. Seriously though she wouldn't be who she is if you'd had her at a different time. I know my mum was kinder to me and softer than she was with my sisters so you can't compare.

No need to be embarrassed. My youngest is 10 this year. I will be 50 this year. I don’t give a crap. I’m just happy to have my boy. His attitude to everything keeps me from becoming a total fusty old fart.

I've been on mumsnet forever.

This is the most bizarre, self indulgent stealth boasting post yet.

Also, 40 is not old to have a child. I know loads of mums, some of them first time mums, having children 40+

I've only just come across this post so haven't read through it yet but I will be the same age as you when my daughter is the same age as yours!
We also have a really lovely relationship and I think this is what you need to cherish.
For what it's worth, my mum was 18 when she had me and she died when I was in my early 30's.

There are no guarantees that a younger mum will get to see their child grow any older than an older mum will, you just need to make the most of the life you have and not worry about things that haven't happened yet!
With good health, most people live into their 80's now and by their 40's our children will be well equiped to deal with our passing.
Stop worrying!

My own mother had me when she was nearly 40 and my DD has had her child at the same age, my mother's age never occurred to me when I was growing up tbh. She didn't seem any different to the other mums, perhaps she was but I didn't notice. DD did say she felt bit older on the ward, as there were some really young mums in the same time, but has a little group of other mum friends who are all the same age group. So I think it is much more common .

In the nicest possible way you are being unreasonable. You daughter sounds a delight and you sound like a lovely mum who is young at heart. There are much much bigger things to worry about in life. I was 35 when u had my 3rd child and my husband is 11 years older than me. So he was 46. Sometimes I worry about her loosing us when she’s still relatively young, but we are fit and healthy and it just motivates me to stay that way. I think you have so much more knowledge and patience as an older parent too.

My mum lived to be 100. You are not old at 50. Look on it that you've only lived half your life. Don't waste you time with your lovely daughter worrying about your age. Enjoy her now , she doesn't deserve a mum who worries about her age. You are still young, for goodness sake enjoy it. By the way I am 83.

@Nipsmum 50 is not old. But most people do not live until 100. 85.8 is the median age for women to die in the UK.

Please OP just be happy
With life, with the oppos etc
So many peeps never get the same cards dealt.

Statistically if you are fit and healthy now you are likely to live another 30-35 years. I am 58 with a 12 year old. You are as old as you feel! Let it go !

I feel for you. I was 34 when I had mine, and later I found out some of her classmate's grandma are just few years older than me! Well, it's my choice. Knew a couple of women becoming mom at their 44/45.

Sounds like you have an amazing relationship. Age is not important but your relationship with each other is. Dont worry

This reply is surely an AI spoof 😂

I think AI speaks better English than I do.
Alien

I had my 4th at 4, she's 54 now and a complete joy to me. Yes sometimes I'm shattered and struggle to keep up with her, but I wouldn't change a thing! She's my joy.

I’m 50 with a 7 and 10 year old and I don’t think it matters a jot! I do my leave best to stay fit, healthy and am told often that I don’t look 50. Even if I did look my age, why would it matter?

My parents were 19 when they had me - my mum died when I was 28. There's no point worrying about dying and leaving your child in young adulthood, you could live into your 90s. People have babies well into their 40s - it's fine and nothing to feel embarrassed about. Try not to let it worry you, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it other than rock being 50. It's just a number

My Mum was 50 when i was 14, i was mortified, My friends Mothers were all under 40. Parents evenings were hell.

My DM was 42 when she had me, and almost 84 when she died. In those days she did look like an older Mum, but I loved her regardless. However, in this day and age, 50 year olds don't look old anymore, as long as you have an up to date hairstyle, and wear reasonably trendy clothes, (which is sounds like you do) no one will really even think about your age, and when you DD goes to senior school, it's not like you'll be hanging round at the school gates anymore, so no one except her closest friends would even be likely to notice that you're a bit older than some of the other mums.

My mother was 40 and my dad was 58 when they had me, I never ever noticed it but they were good for their age. Mum lived to 87 dad until 96 so I had them for a good while and they say their grandchildren. They taught me things other kids didn’t know. Yes I wish I still had them around now ( I’m 58) like most of my friends do. But I have no regrets and honestly I never noticed. Stop worrying and not each other.

Maybe in the 1980s. But half my friends in their late forties have babies and toddlers! I wasn't blessed with more so my DC is late teens. My nephews are as well.

Now I'm giving friends advice about sleep and potty training 😂. One of my friends has just had her second one in four years. You are decidedly not old.

Turning 50 is a very weird time, it truly is when you suddenly realise that you are aging, and I have also had a major crisis about it but look at what experience and care you offer her at this age that you couldn’t have when younger. It is time that we genuinely need to love the life we have and not regret the what ifs!