To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I’d love to say you’re not being unreasonable but as a 31 year old woman with a 71 year old mum, I’m absolutely gutted she’s so much older. My mum had me when she was 40 (12 years after my brother and 10 years after my sister!) and I’m gutted that I’ll have so much less time with her and my kids will too.

My husband is the same age as me as his Mum is 59, it makes such a huge difference and I’m gutted about it.

I had my first baby when I was 24 and I’m so glad I did because he will be ten and I’ll still only be 34 and feeling young.

Your daughter will adore and love you regardless, as long as you’re a lovely mum (which we can all tell you are by your post!) then you’ll have done just perfectly by her 🩷

@Kerri44

lovely photo of ye both!

You're being daft. Honestly she doesn't care and neither should you. Kids are embarrassed for all sorts of reasons, a 50 year old mum is not one of them.

Exactly... I'm 60 and could not have children for medical reasons... 😓

Please OP, don't fret about your age...enjoy your blessings... your DD will always love you.

We can't stop getting older... time marches on. Just enjoy your babies/family as long as you can with all your heart. 💕

Just enjoy your daughters, your age isn’t an issue. I’m as old and older than at least 3 grandparents in my sons class. I’m 52 with a 15 year old. We think it’s funny. Age is just a number, stop worrying you’ll start to look your age if you don’t 😝

Oh woman dear, give your head a wobble! I mean that in the kindest way, as the 60 year old mother of a 20 year old, who I don't think ever gives my age (and his dad's, same age) a second thought!!

I'm not the least bit embarrassed either - why would you be?

Reminds me of a mum I used to see often when my children were small. She had a child, only biological child, same age as my second, but I'd had my 3rd by then. She used to go on and on about what an old mother she was, so one day I asked her what age she actually had been... I burst out laughing when she said 40, and said, same here!

Yes, I do know that my children are likely to have a mum less years than I would have wanted, but who knows that either? Like you, having babies wasn't straighforward for me for many reasons, and it is what it is. I had the babies I was meant to have. So did you.

So carry on enjoying that lovely little girl you have, and cherish your time together.

I know I have definitely got more anxious as I've got older, so you could maybe see your GP and see what s/he thinks x

Sorry but your post is a bit bonkers! Do you think she'd rather not have existed?! Just enjoy it all. The only people I know who sadly died leaving young children both had their children in their 20s. Anything can happen. Enjoy life.

Worcestershirem0mmy · Today 20:19

I’d love to say you’re not being unreasonable but as a 31 year old woman with a 71 year old mum, I’m absolutely gutted she’s so much older. My mum had me when she was 40 (12 years after my brother and 10 years after my sister!) and I’m gutted that I’ll have so much less time with her and my kids will too.

You would think that, wouldn't you. My mum had me when she was 19. Had all 4 of us by 28. And died aged 62.

50 isn't that old I'm 50 I have a 17 year old and a nearly 14 yr old my youngest has significant disabilities not related to the age I had him
It is what it is on can only do your best as a parent 16 isn't a great age to have a child either due to financial constraints but people have children at all ages as long as the child is loved and taken cared of that's the most important thing.

From the perspective of a child of an older parent, exactly the same ages, it never bothered me in the slightest, I was aware of age but it wasn’t something I thought about; this was the person who loved me unconditionally, who I had complete trust in and loved more than anything in the world. I really hope that helps you.

It makes a difference if you’re not healthy/ mobile in later life. I have an older mother and she is very disabled and although she is wonderful in many ways she cannot do so much of what I’d love of spend much time with her young grandchildren. Whereas my other half’s mum in contrast is older than my own and very fit and healthy and active and runs around after my kids pretty easily.

My 16 year old dd loves telling people I'm 60 next year. I don't think she really minds, even if I was 50 next year she'd still think I was old and out of touch!
I do worry that I won't be in her life as long as I'm in her elder sisters' lives but her best friend lost her dad last year and he was 48.
You can't change your age or the age you had your lovely dd so just own it. It's perfectly normal nowadays to be an older mum.

I'm pushing 60 with a lively, funny, bright 15 year old. I had a good run for my money in that I always looked a lot younger until I hit the menopause in my mid 50's but my child remains unembarrassed by me, still wants to spend time with myself and her even older Dad and every single parents evening/report we get told what a happy well adjusted child she is. No one has, to my knowledge, ever mistaken me for her Nan. Never occurred to me to feel guilty about my age as a parent until I read your post but thank you, I'll just add it to all the other stuff women are supposed to feel shit about.

Why?

Wtf? I’m fifty odd with primary aged kids, so are at least 5 other parents in their year. I’ve just asked them and it hadn’t even crossed their mind! You are worrying about nothing I promise! Be your lovely self and don’t give it a thought. My gran was 99 when she died - by that reckoning your daughter could well be in her 50s and still have you around - non of us have any clue! If it really bothers you, keep in shape, dress to suit and colour your hair, no one need ever know! But whatever you do life’s too short to worry about nonsense like this! Xx

ashdownforest I was 56 when I took care of a one year old. She is 21 next month and still here with me. Don't be embarassed. It's the love and care that counts.

Can't wait for this then as this is me as had my 2nd at 40 also 😂People still seem to treat me as a youngster though so I'm hoping I'll be ok!

I had my youngest five days after turning 42. It's true that most of his friends' mum's are 10 years younger than me but so what? I don't think he would prefer to have been aborted.

Age comes for us all. Try to stay fit, and to think about something else.

It's not the responsibility of the DGP's to run after 'your' kids... 🤔

Well, sixty with a twenty year old doesn’t seem so bad does it? Or seventy with a thirty year old? Don’t sweat it. Let the feelings happen, face them head on, and thus take the power out of them. Stay fit, healthy and keep moving and you’ll be grand.

Also wanted to add, my parents were 38 and 48 when they had me. I'm now 45 and they are in their 80s and 90s. They were fantastic and very engaged throughout my life. My eldest and youngest are 10 years apart. I will be 49 when the youngest turn 10. It's definitely different from being a first timer but I still love it and don't let the age bother me.

Don’t worry I am 52 with two 12 year olds

47 here with a 3 year old. This post just depressed me 😂

I dont know why this is an issue, I’m 47 and my child is 4…..so what?!?!? They are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and yes it’s hard and there are times I wish I was younger and fitter but I love every second.

This