To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

Age is just a number, you sound like a doting mum.

You sound like a lovely mum OP. Don't waste your time thinking you are to old to have a 9 year old at 50. Enjoy your DD while she is young and before she leaves the nest.
I am 53 and my youngest DS is 12. I don't for one minute feel old and age is just a number. We lost our other little boy before my DS was born and it puts things into perspective. I have always been young at heart, keep myself in good health as you never know what is around the corner. Enjoy every minute with your DD's.

Were you embarrassed to be pregnant at 40? Holding your baby at 40? If not why be embarassed 10 years on? I wouldnt give it another thought tbh op.

Why on earth would you be embarrassed?

If you had her at 16 you could spend your life wondering how things could have been and what she may have lost out on. You can make yourself crazy wondering about this stuff - it is what it is, your daughter has a great mum and there is no point overthinking this stuff.

This.
However young a parent is they seem ancient to a 9 year old- so your daughter knowing your actual age is irrelevant to anything.
Your daughter will respond to your behaviour not the date on your birth certificate, and as she loves you and is very happy you're obviously doing it right!
You need to get your head around being 50 for your own sake. It's just a number so don't let this birthday get you down.
Enjoy being only 50!

Must be lots of women of your age with young children. Wouldn't give it another thought.

It’s not that uncommon at all, I know a LOT of women who had children in their 40’s, , one of my friends was 45 when she had her second child

Stop worrying about it, some women start young and others don’t

an ‘elderly primigravida’ at 28!

I was an elderly primigravida at 24! 1982 and living in the Isle of Man. Contraception wasn't easily available and they expressed amazement I'd got to 24 without any pregnancies!

It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your daughter. My daughter is the same age and mortified by me (in public) and I was very average (30) when I had her.

There is nothing embarrassing about this. I grew up knowing several people who were born when their mothers were in their forties. I was born when my mother was 36 and her hair was about half-gray already. It wasn’t a big deal to me, because she never acted like it was a big deal.

Your life expectancy is, what, somewhere around 80? So let’s say you die when your daughter is 40. There’s no “good” age to lose a parent, but 40 isn’t a tragically young age to lose one, I don’t think. Every single age to have a baby has its pros and cons.

Someone could have kids in their early 20s and still not see their children grow up. To children, anyone over 17 is ancient! It really will not make a jot of difference to her how old you are. Stop worrying about things you can’t control and embrace life before it passes you by.

I’m 49 and I have a 13 year old. I don’t see what the big deal is. I’m fit and healthy (have a gym habit!) and hope to live to my nineties! My parents are in their 70s and are in good health. People who don’t know my age say I look 40.

Gosh I must have missed this, congrats to them!

My mums good friend is 51 with a 15 and 7 year old, my mum is 53 with 4 grown up children ( youngest is 23) and 4 grandchildren everyone’s life is different and as long as you have friends and family around you it doesn’t really matter how old of a parent you are.

Age is a frame of mind.....I'm 45 in 2 weeks and my Son is 7 in August and Daughter is 2 in April, I'm fitter then I've been in years and doing a skydive in May in memory of my Angel Babies and planning to do a marathon for my 50th, my kids don't suffer because I'm older, I'm mum, I'm all they need

My (adoptive) parents were 40 and 42 when I was born in the mid 60s. Though my mum died at 45, I don't ever remember thinking about their age. It only occurred to me they were older when I was in my 20s. I mentioned what they'd done in the war (WW2) and realised then my friends parents were either small children at the time, or hadn't even been born!

I think it is more to do with you turning 50 that you are feeling anxious about this now. I certainly remember feeling ancient when it was my 50th.

I had my kids really young, I’m in my forties and look really young but have numerous health and mobility issues, I’d rather be 50 and have my health and mobility

I'm the same, my second is 4 and I'm 46. But... I'm pretty happy. I don't give a @##@ what others think, we can provide very well for our children, I run marathons, my husband does cycling races; we're fitter than most parents half our age and we're definitely "older and wiser" than if we'd had kids young.

Sort out your mindset and embrace what you have, it's no-one else's business.

Sorry, it sounds like you need to get out more.

Absolutely. I have friends who had their children in their late 30’s, I have others who had grandchildren in their early 40’s, even one who’s a great grandmother at 57 - there’s no right and wrong, it’s peoples different life experiences.

Being the best parent you possibly can is what’s important not age

You are NOT old!

My mum had my brother at 42 and he is 14 now. My mum has never received any negative comments from parents or my brother's friends on her age or people saying that she is old.

Try not to worry :)

My mum was 40 when I was born (not my bio mum though, she was younger but very sadly died in childbirth anyway). She was a wonderful mum and I never felt embarrassed by her age (I mean I occasionally found my mum embarrassing in the way all kids do but honestly not that often at all and not because of her age). When I was around primary age I felt it stood out a bit that I had older parents, but once I hit high school and from then on it really never made a difference. If anything, my mum was the most fun, full of life, open minded etc - the one my friends would confide in, ours was the house everyone felt comfortable at.

I also had my daughter at 40. It wasn’t my choice, but life and fertility issues dictated I’d be an older mum too. I hate the idea of leaving her whilst she’s still relatively young, but I don’t worry about her being embarrassed by my age - I’m deeply uncool but I am, and intend to continue being, a bloody good, loving, supportive and caring mum to her and that’s more than a lot of children have.

100% Agree...

I am 50, I have a 9 & 10 year old who we adopted 3.5 years ago. Some days I feel 50, some days I don’t.
Both our girls have experienced significant trauma in their life…you need to see how amazing your relationship is with your daughter and stop worrying! My mother was also 50 when I was 9…she was my world, I was not
embarrassed she was the age she was…so STOP finding a problem where there isn’t one.