To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

Age is simply a number, what you do with your life and how you live it, is what's important.

It’s pretty normal these days… DS’s best friend isn’t even at school yet and has a 47 year old parent! I feel like we stand out more as parents who had children in their late 20s to be honest!

I had just turned 43 when I had my last baby. I was 17 when I had my 1st baby with a few others in-between lol, and my own mum was 46 when she had my sister, she's going strong at 75 lol, no slowing her down, in fact she reckons while the sleepless night were harder being older, my sister shaved years off of her. I turn 44 this year and I would love another, I am so much calmer, laid back and generally enjoy every single aspect of Motherhood being older. Sod your age, just enjoy every minute with that amazing daughter of yours, the future will take care of itself. Xx ❤️

Weird thread. I´m 49 with a 6 year old. So? I thought my mum was as old as the hills and she was 29 years older than me. To anyone under 18 anyone older than 30 is ancient. Get a grip.

ha ha ha way too funny... I am soon to be 49, my daughter is 14 and son 12. Everything i do embarrasses them. Apart from being a geriatric mother lol

our kids love us no matter how old we are, although mine remind me regularly that I'm ancient 😮

Hi OP - I'm 54 with a 94 year old mother who lives independently, shops and banks online, loves Facebook and is generally very fit and active. I'm the youngest by a long way and she has always maintained that I have kept her young!

I'm really proud to have such a vibrant mother who doesn't look or act her age.

Had to laugh, I’m now 64 and my son is nearly 24 and it’s really never been an issue.

My Mum had me at age 39 in the 1980s. My grandmother also had a child at a similar age. I don’t see anything particularly unusual about it.

I’m 53 with a 13 year old. There’s fuck all we can do about it. Keep fit and healthy and it’s irrelevant.

I had my second child at 39 but I never really think about it. So many people I know now are having kids later. People are more inclined to wait until they are older and more financially secure before settling down and starting a family. No one knows what's around the corner. We could be 60 with arthritis or 70 and running marathons. Enjoy your gorgeous daughter. Also most children when they are teenagers are embarrassed by their parents. That's a given 😂.

I think you're massively overthinking it but then I'm in the same boat - 10 year old and I'm 51.

I couldn't give a shit, to be honest. I didn't settle down and have children younger because I wanted to travel and concentrate on my career. My idea of hell was getting married and settling down in my home town, which is what pretty much everyone else I knew back then did.

I didn't even meet a man worth having kids with until I was in my late 30's and now I just think I'm SO LUCKY to have my DS and love our little life together.

I'm not even the youngest Mum in our tiny rural school class!

Don't let little things like this put a dampener on things, OP. You can't change it and it's pointless.

Ronnie Wood is 76 and has 8 year old twins!
Youre not too old, just very rock n roll!

You are as young as you feel. Some 30 year olds are passed it.

I know someone whose children think she is 10 years younger than she is.
At some point they will find out of course.

YANBU unreasonable OP.

My mum was 43 when youngest sibling was born, it definitely created a challenge. I think because we are able to conceive children later in life there is a notion that all the challenges that coming with having children later should be ignored.

There's nothing you can do about it now, but enjoy your time parenting as much as possible.

My mum was very nearly 40 when she had my sister. My sister is now nearly 40 herself with a husband, a little boy, a flourishing career and my mum is still healthy and active enough to be a fully hands on, helpful, supportive Granny, enjoying life, socialising. We never saw her as old. She always says hanging out with young people keeps her young. It's all in your attitude. Stay young. Look after your health. Stop looking at the numbers.
I have a very dear relative who's just been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, it's spread everywhere. They won't tell her how long she has, but I suspect single-digit years is the best we can hope for.
She's 7 years younger than you. Youth is no promise of longevity. Live the life you have and stop stressing.

My aunt was younger than you when she had her kids. She died at 49 so it didn’t do them or her much good did it?

Celebrate what you are, not what you’re not.

Stay fit and healthy, that’s all you can do.

Doesn’t matter at all. I was 2 when my Dad was 50! He’s in his late 80s now and I’m so lucky to have him. Just love and enjoy your daughter.

You could focus on your great relationship with your daughter
Enjoy your time with her and savour every moment.
This “age issue “ is just in your head
Keep your pecker up 🤗

My mum was 40 when I was born ,she was born during the war . So she seemed much older compared to the other mums who were born in the 50s and 60s.
There's not as much of a difference between the different ages now . I bet the other school parents don't notice you are 50 / older than them .

I don't suppose it made any difference to me , though, they were just my parents.

I know where you are coming from I had our only DD just before I turned 40 and feel quite guilty that she has older parents and no siblings. We had six miscarriages before she was born and then I had an early menopause when she was one. I just want to be around and fit enough to see her grow up.

There are loads of kids who have older brothers and sisters, so, as the youngest child, have older parents. It is really not uncommon.

I'm 60 this year...my youngest will be 24. But I worry that I will never be a grandmother!

The majority of my friends...a lot of them much younger than me...have grandchildren that they dote upon, and I am so envious.!!

My 27 year old daughter gets married this year, but she's not likely to be having babies soon due to her career/mortgage etc. My older son (31) is single and not looking to settle down yet.

I really worry that I am running out of time. My mother died 14 years ago from cancer, and as I approach her age I wonder if I'll be too old or infirm (or even here) to enjoy having grandchildren around. However, my Dad is still going strong at the age of 84...so I guess it depends on the genes!

Honestly, 50 with a 9 year old is fine, and no-one will bat an eyelid, in my opinion.

I'm 35 now my mum was the same age as you was when she had me, I haven't once felt embarrassed by my mum (and definitely not her age) she's just that, my mum and I love her endlessly.

I’m 53 and my daughter is 8. 🥰

My friend is 52 with a 4 year old. Her oldest is 29 She is run ragged but does sometimes say she is embarrassed about it. On the plus side she doesn’t look her age and is very hard on herself. In saying that I wouldn’t fancy it! I can barely cope with the teenagers I have 😂

really!!! you are teaching her to be ashamed of ageing.who have you been listening to? Mumsnet of course.Older dads dont go round saying how ashamed they are and there are mothers out there older than you obviously through surrogacy or fertility treatment..You might live until 100.look at your genetics.keep fit by all means but do not be ashamed.You need to fight the ageism in yourself.I know its not easy.My mother had me at 40.this is your ageism and sexism towards yourself.When my mother was born to my gran who was 33 it was considered old and disgusting.Get a grip.You have two kids. some have none.