To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

OP read this thread and then count your blessings. So many more things to worry about in life.28 and terminally ill 😢

I started way too young. I'm a grandmother to a 9 year old and only 44 myself lol. It's not even as if I'm granny to a baby or toddler, I've been in this role longer than some of my friends have been parents!

50 isn't old! You've got years left! 50 is the new 40 ;).

You say how happy and amazing your daughter is, so you're doing good!
50 on one person looks a whole lot different on a other!
There's loads of mums in my children's primary school who are around 50. Lots of people I know have kids in their 40s, it's not that shocking.
Stop worrying, I very much doubt you'll be an embarrassment! Xx

Meh, don’t worry about it !
I’ve just had my 49th birthday and my little boy has only just turned 5!
I think people always tend to think you’re younger if you’ve got younger children so that’s a plus in a way !
although I confuse people as my other child is almost 23, so they are never sure if I was a teenage mum or an old mum 😆

I was almost 43 when I had my daughter so she's almost 12 I'm 55 in May. It's never been an issue I get on great with younger mums and especially two from Primary. Even though our kids drifted going three different schools we haven't.

Try not to see it as an issue. My girl always tells me I'm beautiful even though I feel like a fat old frumpy 😂

All kids think we are ancient.
Please don't fret. Be proud that u were able to produce a living child as others aren't.
Be very proud of your daughter too. Hugs x

I was a mum at 40 and I think the opposite, now almost 50 I actually am proud of myself for being such a great mum at this age and still have the youth in my soul to be with such a young and energetic girl, and to be honest I'm much cooler than lots of mums in their 30s, age is just a number, is all about how you feel Inside and our daughters should be even more proud of us :) who cares about what others think anyways ;)

My parents were older, 38 and 48. Being older had its advantages but overall it’s been a negative effect on my life. They had both died by the time i was 24 and grandparents were gone before I started school, which i know is awful bad luck but you can’t assume you’re going to get to 80.
Make sure you've got excellent critical care and life insurance. Make sure they’ve got a good “village” (my mums friends took me in as their own) I suppose the big advantage to them being older was being financially secure so i inherited substantial sums which has made my life easier, however id much rather they had me younger and they’d been around longer. Sorry OP probably not what you wanted to hear, but I do feel we do our daughters a disservice by saying you can wait till you’re 40 before you think about kids.

You are correct that you don’t appear to be 50. Your post reads like a 13 year old’s immature angst. Having a panic attack? What utter nonsense.

Op would be much worse if you couldn't have had children like some women I think your very lucky to have your beautiful child please, get over this nonsense.

This is the correct attitude

I will literally be in this same situation and never viewed it this way- I am 39, just about to turn 40 and have also just given birth to my last child.
I believe being an older mum gives me more wisdom & patience, and I still feel like I have the same energy as I did nearly 10 years ago when I had my first, to be honest. As others have said, life expectancy is longer now so I am not too worried about this.
The main reason I feel this way about this subject is that my own mum was was a young mum, she had me at 21, however she sadly died suddenly & unexpectedly aged 46, meaning I was only 25 years old when I lost her. So as far as I am concerned, age is almost irrelevant when it comes to being a parent as anyone can actually be lost at any time. (Which is actually the main reason I feel this way about this subject) You just need to make the most of the here and now.
It sounds like your daughter is an absolute joy who totally adores you 💗

Sounds like a mid-life crisis. Its common about this age to realise we probably have lived for longer than the years we have left to live.

My mother was 37 when she had me and when older moms were much less common. So almost your age. She also had a difficult life as my dad was not a great father and husband. However, I feel looking back that she has done a lot for me and prepared me for life by taking such good care of me as a child. As a teenager I felt a bit embarrassed that my mom was older than other moms but not massively. I was also aware that she may not be around for long and I think it made me value her more. I loved her to bits and tried to make the most of the time we had together. She died when I just turned 35 and for a little while it felt overwhelming. However, I was surprised how quickly I bounced back and returned to normal life without her. It made me realise that the job of the parent is not to be around your child their entire life but to prepare them for independent life in the couple of decades they have together. Good parents leave their kids with some sort of energy that they can draw even on their absence. Sure, it would have been great to have her around still. But I try to focus on the time we have had together.

I was 40 when I had DS he’s now 23 . I don’t think anything it other than how wonderful. My DD was still born 25 years ago.

Meaning this kindly don’t be daft OP. she and you are and will be just fine.

It's not unusual these days to have kids st 40. My mum was 37 having me and 40 when she had my sister. She was among the older parents, but it never had any negative impact on us. She is still alive and kicking now at 73 and my sister and I are in our mid/late 30s. I wouldn't worry about it! You certainly haven't let her down by having her at 40. She wouldn't be here if you hadn't...

I'm 57 with a 14 year old. No one bats an eyelid. And DD couldn't care less. Not sure why you're so bothered about your age.

I had my first child when I was 26 and my youngest when I was 37 (and my second youngest at 35)

I don't see myself as an old mum. I will say that I notice that with my eldest I was one of the youngest mums in the class and with my youngest I am one of the oldest, but does it matter? No! I play sport, I am (fairly) fit and healthy and I'm not likely to die any time soon (fingers crossed!). I also don't feel 46.

You say you don't look or feel 50 which is surely a good thing? I hate getting older, it pisses me off massively that I'm not 30 anymore and that I don't look like I used to... But it's only ME that's bothered about that, my kids don't care and certainly aren't embarrassed about how old I am and that I'm older than some of their mates mums

You're 50...it's nothing. It's actually very young nowadays with people living well into their 90's. You don't feel 50. You don't look 50. You could have another 50 years ahead of you. Seriously. Don't freak out. Enjoy your little girl.

It was common before contraception and in large families for people to have older parents as well you know. It's not a modern invention. As long as women are fertile, they can get pregnant.

@ukgot2pot nineties is not average life expectancy. About 84/85 is average.
So someone at 50 will on average live another 35 years.

You are worrying needlessly. My DD is similar age. I'm 45. She's got friends who's mums vary in age from early 30s to early 50s (with the average being in their 40s) I don't think any of the kids think anything about it. Basically, we probably all seem old to them 😆
I had my DD mid 30s. Our relationship sounds the same as yours and I do worry about leaving her too soon, because we are so close. Most parents have this worry though. Just enjoy your life and enjoy your daughter, we could be hit by a bus tomorrow and our ages won't matter!

OP, I can understand how you feel (I am not in your position, I purposely had mine young) but I get your fears. However, there isn't anything you can do about it and you sound like a lovely mum. She has a lovely mum, that's all that matters. Please, enjoy!

Please forgive me jumping in without RTFT but OP this is CRAZY TALK!

There is nothing wrong with your age. Maybe it seems so to you, because your child's classmates happen to have younger parents? I had my children at 38 and 41 and my age never troubles me. Among their mums, I have made several friends of my age, and several younger - and our ages make no difference.

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but I think you should consider whether something else is really the cause of your anxiety. I've no idea what - I just cannot see your age as a legitimate reason for this amount of worry!