To be embarrassed that I'm 50 with a 9 year old

[AshdownForest]

I was 40 when I had my second child. I'm 50 now. She is 9 now, and turns 10 in a couple of months.
Just help.
I'm having an absolute crisis.
I am sooooooo embarrassed for my daughter's sake that she is only 9, soon to be 10, and I am FIFTY!!!
She must think I'm so old!
When I got pregnant at 39, I felt so young and excited to be pregnant. And when I had her at 40 I didn't even bat an eyelid at my age. I was just so ecstatic to have her and I felt so young that I didn't think about my age. I had fertility problems with my first child so we became parents 3 years later than we'd planned. Then it took 6 months to conceive naturally second time round and it meant that my second child was born when I was 40. I never thought I'd have a baby as late as 40 but plans didn't turn out the way we thought they would.
Anyway, all through my 40s, my age had never bothered me.
But suddenly I've hit 50 and I'm thinking holy shit, I'm FIFTY with a tiny little girl!
I suddenly feel like I must be an embarrassment to her (never felt this before now). I feel I've let her down. I feel I've set her up for losing her mother when she's still a young adult. I won't be here when she's my age.
And she idolises me. I mean she absolutely dotes on me. Covers me in kisses and cuddles and gives me dazzling smiles all the time and basically tells me every single day that she loves me and that I'm her world. She says she's happiest when she's with me. And we have the most lovely time imaginable together. She's the best company ever. She is sooooooo kind. Soooooo sweet. So funny, creative, imaginative, caring, engaging, interesting and interested in everything and everyone around her. She's thankful and grateful and charming. Everyone who meets her tells me she's adorable. And she's as good as gold. So well behaved. She's a dream come true.
So I feel terrible that such a wonderful little spirit has such an old mother. I feel really selfish.
I don't look 50. I definitely do not feel 50!!! I feel so young! I am fit, active, have plenty of energy. Someone recently asked me my age, who's known me for a while, and as an experiment I said "I'm 45". They said "45? Really! I thought you were 40!" I confessed and said "Not really, I just turned 50" and they started laughing, saying "Yeah, right".
But the fact is, I am bloody 50.
And I'm shitting myself about it.
Because I'm so worried I've let my little girl down by having her at 40.
She didn't ask to be born to an old mother.
And I never thought this far ahead when I got pregnant at 39.
Please be kind to me.....I'm literally having a panic attack over this.

I really do not understand why you are embarrassed? I am also 50 with a 9 year old, I admit I have fleetingly thought about my age and my childs, but it makes no difference whatsoever to either of us, nor am I bothered what other people think. Just live your life and enjoy it.

I’m glad you wrote this post OP as I was going to post one simiar… I totally and utterly get it. I feel panicked too.
when I had my last child I was the same age as you… and felt amazing.. fit, healthy, youthful. Since then, I’ve lost my parents and I’ve had a major health scare.
Now I feel wracked with guilt and worry that my children’s family is shrinking and they won’t get me as long as some will get their parents.
My youngest often mentions that I’m the oldest mum of his year group….and worries that means I won’t be around for as long as his friends mums.
I adore my children but bitterly regret having them at the age I’ve had them.

Chill. I have tons of friends who had kids (sometimes even their first) in their 40s. It’s really not as big a deal as you think.

Where I live it is normal to have children paste thirties early forties. My friend had her youngest at 44.

she sometimes feels a little self conscious - particularly when a few mums are early twenties, but I have been to their birthday parties and can honestly say she doesn’t stick out.

don’t be embarrassed- your daughter will pick up on it. There is nothing at all to be embarrassed about!

She's not a "tiny girl" , she's nearly 10.
Nothing you can do, but it's certainly not embarrassing.

Follow Kate Lawler on Instagram. She had a baby at 40 and her baby is now 3 and my god you'd think she was 30! Its not uncommon AT ALL

I had my DC at 40 & 43. I'm 56 now with a 16 & 12 yo.
Lots of kids have older parents - and going back a while it was very common for the younger siblings to have "old" parents.

Sure your child will have a different parenting experience thatn her peers with parents who started in their 20's - but there are lots of bonuses to having older parents too.

There is nothinng you can do about this now except change how YOU are feeling. How do you relax? How is your self care? Perhaps look at those aspects of your life that you can change.

I'm 34 with 15,14,13 and 7 year old and I'm by far the youngest in the playground picking up my youngest let alone the teens x everyone's having 50th birthdays at the moment at the little ones school

50 is not old these days. I was 42 when I had my youngest son, now 14. It's all in your head. If your body was capable of bearing a child at that age, there's no reason to think you were too old. Mother nature clearly disagrees that you were too old.
Just enjoy your daughter. There are loads of us older mums. Having had kids in my early 20's and then again 20 years later I can honestly say it has been less stressful this time around.
You are lucky to have her and she is lucky to have you. It sounds as though she's a sweet kid, and if she is, she will not judge you. I'm sure she has loads of reasons to be proud. Age really is just a number.

I think you're having a mid-life crisis and projecting your feelings onto your daughter. Even if she does, at some point, become embarrassed by your age, there is literally nothing you can do about it. Stop overthinking and just enjoy your special times with your lovely girl. She'll soon be 14 and want nothing to do with you anyway, even if you were 20 years younger.

Not being unreasonable BUT you are fretting about something that can't be helped. I bet your daughter isn't thinking about that.
The biggest worry is that you might not be around when she is 50 but that is just life. Hopefully, by the time your clock winds down, her world will have expanded to more than you and you leaving won't be catastrophic.

Hi, I'm 28 this year. My parents are 58 and 68 so they were 30 and 40 when I was born. I have never ever felt embarrassed because my parents are older than other parents of me peers. Their age has had no impact on how they've raised me, actually I'm probably thankful they raised me like my siblings born 8-14 years before me.

My dad is 68, he may be terminally ill but I'm ever so thankful for the life he's given me and the memories we have, I have my own children and he's basically helped me raise them.

Being an older parent shouldn't be compared to being a younger parent, I hate my hats off to you. My children are 5 and 7 and I couldn't imagine doing this in my 30s and 40s. She'll adore you, dote on you and idolise you forever, my dear. Keep that chin up x

I am 53 with a 12 year old daughter and 28 year old son. Not remotely bothered by it. She doesn't care. I am friends with mums 10+ years younger than me. I scare them with tales of menopause. We joke about it. It really isn't a big deal unless you make it one.

I am also an older mother. Had my son when I was 37. I feel blessed to have such a wonderful son I am so proud of the man he has become. He is a wonderful father has 3 children a beautiful partner who is such a lovely person. I am blessed when I was 50 he was 12 and helped his dad organise my birthday party. He has always been proud to introduce me as his mum. I am delighted to look after my grandchildren while my son and partner are in work. They keep me young. My hubby is always doing something for them building stuff. It's a wonderful life enjoy it what will be will be x

Mum and Dad had to wait until they were 35 and 37 respectively before having me as I was adopted. They had to go through many miscarriages and lots of tests for fertility and then on the adoption list before they had me back in 1970.

So I'm 53 and Mum is 88, it never bothered me growing up having older parents, Dad used to take me to the park most Summer evenings, and he'd play football, badminton, rounders, swing ball in the back garden and do just about everything from very young until I was well into my teens. When I was in my 20's - late 40's he would help me with the horse if I was ill and come and watch me compete, he was a massive part of my life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that having parents in their 40's and 50's growing up never bothered me.

it’s not uncommon. I’m 50 with DDs aged 11&13. It’s only an issue if you let it be one

She doesn't care about your age just that your a great mum. We live in an age where people can die at any age not just because they are slightly older when having kids. Make sure all financial issues are sorted so the kids won't worry about that and just enjoy life with them. It sounds like your doing an amazing job. Plus 50 is still young

You should feel embarrassed I'm sure you aren't only one who as had a child at later live and it doesn't matter you have a lovely girl and I'm sure there are a lot of people who can't have a child of the own no matter what age . and you are young anoth for your little girl to turn to adult

Why are you worried, I'm 71 in march, my youngest son is 18. I have a son that's 40 and a daughter 37. Live the life. Enjoy them no matter what age. And I'm a single parent.

If this is a feeling that's crept up on you and there's no logical justification. I would get to a sympathetic GP and get bloodctests, you could be going through the menopause or peri menopause. My confidence hit rock bottom when I went through it, couldn't even maintain eye contact I felt so unworthy. Hormonal changes can drastically change the personality and it woukd be such a shame to miss out on the wonderful relationship you have with your daughter when feeling awful about yourself, when there may be a really simple fix.

You're worrying over nothing OP, most of my friends have small babies and are all in their 40s, my DH is 50 and we have an 11 year old, it's never occurred to us that he's an 'old' dad. Your age just isn't unusual for the parent of a 10 year old nowadays and has likely never even occurred to your daughter or to anyone except you. 50 is not old!

I think this isn't a good thing to think about as when I was 10, my mum was 50 and I had the time of my life.
You just need to make your time valuable and make life with your daughter the best as you can. Also, you shouldn't be worried - many people are having children at an older age nowadays!

Please don't worry about this. Honestly I feel you are projecting your own anxiety on to your daughter, who just loves you for who you are.
My mum was in her mid 40s when she had me, and died when I was 40, with a family of my own. The only thing I thought about in my tean years was how gross it was that she was having sex with my dad - something everyone thinks at some point!

I wouldn’t worry. I had youngest DC ( with my DH who is older than me) when I was 42 and they are now in their 20s. My age really wasn’t an issue when they were growing up and they are likely to have bought a house before I retire.

You've had lots of replies, but just wanted to echo a couple of points raised. You sound really anxious and I think that milestone birthdays make us reflect and reevaluate life. Be gentle with yourself while you make the mental transition to this new age identity.
And second, do look into peri-menopause anxiety. It's real and debilitating and you're the right age for it.
Other than that, keep being a wonderful mum; we older mums have got this x