When you enter someone’s home what is the consensus and reason

[Lighrbulbmo]

For who greets first please.
please be kind and help me out, I have a regular visitor who arrives and doesn’t greet me. They might after a bit say something but the lack of a hi or hello is really annoying. I am a generous and nice host I think…. I am also prepared to be told I’m wrong but please can I gather opinions?

YANBU it’s basic manners to greet the host rather than ignore them
YABU it doesn’t matter

Young adults don’t always have great manners. Be the bigger person and model it for them.

It’s either incredibly entitled behaviour and she feels she doesn’t need to acknowledge you as she’s there with your ds and you’re part of the fixtures and fittings, or she has no idea how to politely greet the mother of the person she’s about to shag and feels horribly embarrassed about it. Based on my experience of young adults it’s likely that latter. I’d just lead the way with a polite, ‘hi, nice to see you, how’s things?’ And see if she loosens up a bit.

Not enough info - friend of your son’s who comes into the house with him? Obviously normal social norms would involve her saying hello, either in response to you/someone else or upon seeing you. However, she may be shy, neurodiverse, from a socially deprived background where these norms weren’t instilled, etc.

Am not sure why you’d post here without simply asking your DS whether she is shy etc - he’s her friend so he’s best placed to explain her behaviour?

She’s rude. Even if she is shy, surely at some point manners should overcome.

Very rude. It’s not even etiquette, it’s more basic than that. She’s not treating you like a human being. She’s treating you as if you’re part of the furniture, or not even there.
Having said that, I’ve noticed a lot of kids do this. You’re not in their gang. You don’t count. I don’t think they mean any harm.

Both my husband’s siblings do this (to both of us) and it pisses me off no end. It’s just so rude. They always get a very pointed, semi shouted ‘hello!!’ at them.

It’s been 20 years you’d think they’d actually have some manners by now, but no.

Edit - wrong thread

I can imagine my DD doing this but it’s due to her autism and situational mutism, not rudeness. The first half hour in someone else’s house is very difficult for her. Luckily, our relatives are all very understanding and have educated themselves about neurodiversity so they don’t judge her.

Ask your son to talk to her about it

If she's shy that'll make it worse.

She’s very rude.

I would enforce some rules, she can’t stay over more than 1 night a week, I wouldn’t cook for her or buy any food for her.

Don’t speak to her, just ignore her.

generally the way i was raised if you go into anyones house you say hello, if they haven't answered the door I seek them out and greet them because it saves the "johnny brought over his gf and she didn't say hello" drama.

my cousin has social anxiety and sometimes has to be reminded/encouraged to greet people if we are visiting, so I can be that also.

But it up to your son to let her know your house manners, encourage him to do so.

My dd is 15, I go and greet her friends. This teaches them I’m friendly and sets them up to say hello. If I didn’t do that, they’d probably not interact with me at all. I imagine this is just an extension of what is happening in my home, 10 years on.

This . Just say Hi .Son had a girlfriend like that and she was very shy . I was actually very fond of her .

Very rude. It’s not even etiquette, it’s more basic than that. She’s not treating you like a human being. She’s treating you as if you’re part of the furniture, or not even there.

Bit of a leap there.
The OP has said she replies when she is spoken to.

Potentially could be shy. Could be socially anxious. Or could have been brought up that it is respectful not to impose oneself on someone who is her elder, but to wait until she is spoken to.

No, sorry, shy or not she should at least be saying hello and goodbye to you, even asking how you are etc

What is wrong with millennials these days and why do so many of them lack social skills?

Such a good excuse for her. If she goes to a shop and buys something with a person there what does she say? Goes to a nail salon eg or college/work? Does she get through all these with no social niceties?

Slightly different if they’re shy teenagers versus a mid 20s person. And even as teenagers they should still know and put in place basic manners shy or not.

When my teenage DS comes in with his friends I just say say hi to them, ask if they’ve had a good day at college or whatever, tell DS to offer them drinks and snacks and carry on with what I’m doing. When they call for him I tend to answer the door greeting them, invite them in and call DS. I’ve never even noticed if they speak first but I probably don’t give them a chance tbh. All my DC’s friends are pretty responsive except one who is often mute so I just talk in a way that involves her without putting any pressure on her for a reply.

To be fair this sounds like me as a young woman, she is probably very socially awkward and may not like shouting out "hi". Just say hi directly to her so she can respond appropriately

Nothing like lumping hundreds of thousands of people together as if they are one person.

Perhaps your son has told her he owns the house and you are just staff?
😉

Would be interesting to see what would happen if he moved out, and they both came round to visit you one day. I bet she’d say hi then .

The problem is that, right now, she sees herself as going to her boyfriend’s house and she could not care less about who else lives there. (I know that basic manners dictate she should say hello to you, just trying to give some insight into what her thought process might be).

Are they very awkwardly shy? I always say “Hello name, how are you?” If they ignored my question I’d ask it again. Can’t be doing with rude adults.

If it’s your DS’s friend, ask him. Surely he picks up on it.

The Op has said that this guest answers when she speaks to her.