When you enter someone’s home what is the consensus and reason

[Lighrbulbmo]

For who greets first please.
please be kind and help me out, I have a regular visitor who arrives and doesn’t greet me. They might after a bit say something but the lack of a hi or hello is really annoying. I am a generous and nice host I think…. I am also prepared to be told I’m wrong but please can I gather opinions?

YANBU it’s basic manners to greet the host rather than ignore them
YABU it doesn’t matter

It’s rude. Even if shy it isn't hard to say hello. My son’s friend is like this, to the point where I wonder if he might be ND. But he has few other symptoms so I think he is just rude.

Literally my son’s girlfriend! My husband found it really weird.
She has autism and just doesn’t know when to speak or what to say. She’s an amazing girl though and we have learned to take her as she is.
She’s actually a very peaceful person to be around. Will have a chat sometimes when she feels comfortable.

“Has the cat got your tongue?” would be a pointed question. If they don’t understand this idiom, how about, “Are you not going to say hello?!” Some people just need bloody telling. You don’t enter someone’s house and act as if they are not there when they are standing in front of you - it’s bloody weird and rude.

So your adult son has an adult friend/girlfriend that he invites over/brings home, and she doesn’t make a point of saying hello to you?

OK. Why is this such a big deal to you? Maybe she’s awkward/shy. Maybe she’s just clueless about manners. Maybe she thinks you’re the one ignoring her. Whatever. Who cares? She’s not doing it deliberately to snub you and she’s your son’s visitor, not yours, so I don’t really know why you’re stressing over it. It’s a minuscule thing and it’s mad that you’re giving it this much headspace.

Also, if you’re as difficult to have a conversation with in real life as you have been on this thread, then it’s probably best for everyone that your son’s painfully shy friend doesn’t strike up a chat. It would be like pulling teeth, for both of you.

Your being so cryptic and giving us tiny bits more in each post is all a bit odd unless you are just trying to get us to agree with you ?

From what I've surmised
Your adult dc's partner comes home with him, and doesn't seek you out to talk to you ? - That is perfectly normal and usual and acceptable

She does speak to you when you see her and say hello ? - so I'm not sure what you are complaining about ?

Despite you trying to steer us all otherwise, on the information you've given, in total, so far, YABU

My sister has friends that would do this (during teen years) and it would drive our mum mad. They would just walk right in with dsis and not acknowledge anyone. It is mannerless but if you notice, we are trending towards a mannerless world.

Son won't be having any friends round after that, yikes. Now That is rude.

Is it that hard to greet a guest first? To say their name and make them feel welcome? Sheesh.

Of course the vote is likely to be skewed because many people will have voted before you've added tiny snippets of information. Just going on your OP, it suggests of course that you have a regular visitor that you get up to let in and then they walk past and ignore you. None of which is the case as you have added little bits later in the thread. So you can't really take the vote as a vote on your actual situation.

My FIL is like this, socially very awkward (I suspect it’s ASD), he always seems uncomfortable in someone else’s home.

😂

I have to ask the question which no doubt people will say is predictable but - could she have autism?

Rude, rude, rude.

They should greet you - "Hi Mrs Lighrbulbmo".

If you're the one usually opening the door, just don't do it if it's just this person knocking.

So your MIL walks in and greets her son but not you?

Some people have never been taught social graces. Just another drop in the plummeting standards in this country.

My ds friends and gf are the opposite..they always come looking for us to say hello and chat for a while. His friends often call dh when they’re having a night out to have a (drunk) chat or say cheers. Some of them sadly don’t have fathers (living) of their own, so that might be why. They are all lovely.

If they hadn’t said hello I would make sure to go and say a friendly hello first everytime, that it’s nice to see them again and ask how they are! Sooner or later they will see that this is how you can be if you want to, and mimic. Their parents may not have taught them that.

She sounds shy, it doesn’t sound like you always greet her immediately either. You’re in your home comfort, it’s on you to make her feel welcome

One of my friends had a friend who lived with her nan, and if you were in the Nan's house, you went and said hello to her and exchanged pleasantries. Even if she was in the bath.
Which is extreme but everyone knew where they stood.

Play your son a bit - your GF doesn't speak to me, does she hate me? etc - and you'll soon get a bit of chat out of her.

It's one of the things I find incredibly rude, my partner's nephews are like this, just walk past me into the house without saying hello, I'm sometimes too shocked to say anything!

I had a senior manager who used to totally blank me (small workplace where everyone normally is very welcoming) I took it as deliberately passive aggressive but in this situation if it’s possible it’s a young insecure person, I’d just make the effort to be friendly and they may chill out a bit!

I think you've left it late to say she actually does reply if you make conversation with her. Now everyone thinks she's rude when actually she isn't.

Not something I could get worked up about!

My son's friends (16) let themselves in, shout 'Hi Rosababy2' take themselves to my son's room then on their way out they shout 'love you' (taking the piss out of my son as he says it when he leaves)

Love teenagers/young adults they're all different.

My step dad is the same and most definitely ASD, it can be like getting blood from a stone 😂

My DD's BF (16) enters our apartment with her. They go to her room and only say hi if I am visible as they come in. If I were to open the door to them, I would expect them both to greet me, and I would say hello to them.

Before he leaves, he comes into the living room to say bye, whether or not he spoke to us during the visit. I think all of this is perfectly polite.

I was exactly as you describe around my ex’s parents when I was in my early 20s. I found them, incredibly overbearing and his DM especially used to baby him and do EVERYTHING for him.
They used to terrify me. I was quite shy and insecure, I also didn’t realise at the time I am autistic. They were just so different from how I was brought up, I couldn’t and wouldn’t talk.
Ex’s mum used to complain I wouldn’t talk to her on the phone either. But in my head I just called to talk to ex, so why should I make pointless small talk with his mum?
30 years on and I realise how strange I must have been to the ex’s parents.
Be kind and understanding to this young women. She may be just like me at 21 and be a nervous, shy, anxiety filled wreck around you.

Is it a cat? 🐈

Any possible neurodivergence? I'm autistic and struggle with greetings. I don't always remember. Mostly I do but if I'm low on energy I can forget or just can't do it. I genuinely don't mean to be rude though, it's like I can't speak. Hard to explain

As long as she answers when you say 'hi', I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that you have to say it first. If she was completely ignoring you, I would say that was rude and whoever she was visiting needs to have a word.