When you enter someone’s home what is the consensus and reason

[Lighrbulbmo]

For who greets first please.
please be kind and help me out, I have a regular visitor who arrives and doesn’t greet me. They might after a bit say something but the lack of a hi or hello is really annoying. I am a generous and nice host I think…. I am also prepared to be told I’m wrong but please can I gather opinions?

YANBU it’s basic manners to greet the host rather than ignore them
YABU it doesn’t matter

Ok that follow up provided the essential context (an no one is hiking to recognise you as I'm sure this is not an uncommon issue). Yes it's rude. If a guest is already in the house and you walk in the room it is normal fir them to say 'hello Mrs/Mr Lightbulb'. Next time, say 'Hi X how are you?' and stand there waiting. And have a word with this other young person who might remind his/her friend that it's polite to acknowledge people (especially if you're the parent). It's a sign of respect.

Oh I'd have to challenge that rude behaviour. I think I'd lean in close and repeat HI, HI, HI, How are you. Can't let you in until you say something to me love" or something like that.

It's your house, you can be assertive and demand a bit of respect. What does your son, or whoever she is visiting have to say?

OK I'll admit to knowing one or two similar people. They are often shy, on the sprectrum, or just plain out and out RUDE. Pick one.

My DC are likely to be older. All their friends and partners acknowledge me when they arrive, ask how I am, whether DH is working.

It's basic good manners and if they ignored me, I'd address it there and then. "Hello Jane, how are you? Nice to see you, had the cat got your tongue today?". If it persisted I'd mention to my DC what a ride person their friend was and if they were a good/appropriate friend.

Definitely do this if you want your kids to move out and communicate with you via birthday and Christmas cards.

Couldn't be fussed in that scenario. Do you say hello to her?

@PutMyFootIn lol I’d probably start laughing .. which might help.

OK so blink twice for yes if this is true. [I feel a little like I'm communicating with a hostage]

Your adult child has a friend who comes to the house. He lets her in, they talk. You're around the area and you say 'hi' but she doesn't respond. Is that it?

@Hankunamatata
this is where I feel so uncomfortable.
it feels weird, she will speak if I speak, but only if I speak first. She’s been around while I’ve really picked up on it of late and can’t unsee it. I want to get past it and that is why I’m asking for advice.

@Lighrbulbmo some people really are painfully shy and self-conscious until quite old. I was. I can identify with your visitor. It's really unlikely they intend to be rude, more they'd just rather slip in unnoticed. As they are a friend of one of your children, and presumably harmless, can you cut them some slack?

Why can't you just leave her be? She isn't there to see you.

Ask your son to talk to her about it.

I’d just say ‘hi Kate how are you?’
She just sounds a bit introverted and shy. A friend of mine is a bit like that. My husband finds it rude that she never says hello first. But she’s not. She’s just very shy

@MrsTerryPratchett lol I’ve blinked twice .. that made me laugh

yes that’s pretty much it. If I speak she will say hi, if I don’t she won’t. Happened again yesterday, not a word until they left and I said bye Betty (not her name) and she said bye. I will admit, it’s petty I guess, I did not speak on this occasion to see if she would … she didn’t.

@Gymmum82 thanks I will bear that in mind they have been together for 2 years though.

It's rude, and she's old enough to know better. But if she were my child's friend I'd roll my eyes and not take it personally.

OK I had a friend like this. he was just really shy. And there to see me, not my parents. It is a little rude but not hugely.

@sprigatito bc it feels rude and disrespectful when we have always included her.

But I’m not an etiquette guru.. that’s why I am asking

It's hard to say if it's rude or not without knowing how she is, how you are, etc. If she's shy, I really don't think it's terribly rude, especially as she responds politely when you speak to her. If she's chatty with everyone else and pointedly ignores you unless you address her, that's different.

I'd try not to take it personally if she's polite and respectful otherwise. If you think you should exchange pleasantries every time, then it's up to you to do so. What's the alternative?

She probably doesn't mean to be rude, just shy or has social anxiety or brought up by parents who thought kids should be seen and not heard so waits to be spoken to first. I would just carry on trying to make her feel welcome and comfortable.

Maybe she's been brought up being told that children shouldn't speak to adults unless they're spoken to.

Even though she's an adult now she's still young and wouldn't necessarily have grown out of the mindset that she shouldn't speak to older adults first.

Or maybe she's very shy and insecure and thinks you wouldn't want to talk to her.

It's not something I would get worked up about, especially if she responds when you speak to her.

I don't think it's weird or unreasonable or indeed unusual for you to say Hi Betty first, and she then answers you. Seems like that would keep everyone happy? You say she doesn't ignore you if you do that?

I'd alway say hi first to someone that came to the door, or that DP lets into the house. I wouldn't intentionally wait for them to say hello first.

Ask your son to tell her it's rude, without saying that you've mentioned it. I've done this. It's a kindness in the long run.

Like 'psst, say hello to my mum you rude bugger'

If someone walks in with your daughter/son, I would expect YOU to say hello and for THEM to reply politely. If they don't, I wouldn't let them back, because it's bloody rude.

So it’s your son’s girlfriend basically.

Yes rude. Is there a reason she might feel uncomfortable around you? Past disagreements etc? Not getting to know each other initially leading to longer-term awkwardness?

You're the one with the most life experience here, AND it’s your home, so perhaps take the reins and say something (tactfully).

My FIL doesn’t acknowledge me (so, opposite of your situation I guess). At Christmas we walked into their house - they don’t even get up to open the door - at the agreed time and they didn’t even look at their grandchildren and say hello, let alone to me and DH!