How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

Cause the op is working and not suppose to be looking after their child while working??

Sorry you keep having to explain yourself on this thread. You’re absolutely right. We should have a society where people who are passionate about their jobs can earn a decent, actually living wage and not have to do financial acrobatics to make ends meet. It’s a disgrace and a tragedy that the average family without extras to help them (e.g. an inheritance) can’t just get on with living an average (not even a lavish) life.

When our first was in nursery it was literally 70 quid short of our mortgage each month. My husband got another job which helped an awful lot. I work in a school so we got a reprieve in the school holidays but we had to save what we saved due to knowing what was ahead. Husband got a few promotions, we were lucky enough to continue saving bits for a new house in this time when I fell pregnant with DS 2. He went to nursery as DS 1 started school so it was a continuous outlay and the prices went up a lot. We managed but sacrifices made as we wanted to move which we did having been saving for years and we had to knock a lot on the head to do this, even with extra coming in from husbands job. It’s short term, not forever. We weren’t entitled to anything either when DS 1 was little. Insulting really.

Absolutely feel you. It’s a shit life, I have two DC, one at school and one 5 month- dreading the nursery fees. Me and my DH have a combined income of around 36k per year, live in a shitty damp private rented house (and landlord thinks it’s a palace), have to scrape money together each week for food shopping, no days out, kids and us have no decent clothes,£600 in debit on gas and electric, obviously maternity leave is crap money but even when I’m back at work it’s only £300 a month more. I had a trade, and I’m 36 working on £10.42 minimum wage.. I’m currently looking for a new job because I feel it’s an insult to be Frank.

I totally agree with you the government are shit- cost of living increasing literally daily, and no wage increase for anyone of working class. Sometimes feel guilty for bringing my children into this world when realistically I have nothing to give them- plenty of love but that’s about it.

Social housing isn’t just for people on benefits. I work for a registered social landlord and 50% + of our tenants aren’t on benefits. Social housing is often of a much better standard than private rented, is highly regulated and offers security of tenure. Home needs to feel safe and permanent, social housing offers that. We just need MUCH more if it. The last several Governments have starved us of money.. all the way back to Thatcher and the explosion of right to buy which wasn’t mitigated by allowing landlords to spend the money building replacements for those sold off.
Housing is a really unsexy issue, hence the complete lack of money and interest, but it is massively important.

Rant over..

We’re supposed to be advancing as a society so bringing “the bad old days” into it is unhelpful. People used to have an outside loo so is it now entitled to expect a working indoor toilet. Blaming individuals for the increasing inequality in society is backward - it’s asking that those who play a vital role in the economy just accept their lot while the rich get richer. But expect you were happy to clap the NHS workers, lorry drivers etc through Covid but equally happy to keep them in their place now the world’s moved on. Seriously, suggesting expecting a coffee out is OTT - take a look around you, it’s not 1952!

Yes. We pay £80 a month for full time nursery, including delicious home cooked food. University educated teachers. People still complain it’s too expensive though.

I feel you OP. When I went back after mat leave, we lived in Central London in social housing, so we were really very lucky as outgoings were low compared to those private renting. I worked out that if I went back to work full time on a 40k salary, after full time childcare (not even other expenses!) I would make £100 a week in pocket. £20 a day for 7 hours work!

In the end we did 2 things:

1.I found a 4 day a week role where I could work from home 2 days and do core hours childcare (10.30 to 4.30). It wasnt ideal but we had to do what we had to do to make ends meet. I just made sure meetings fell in the core hours, or my husband was on hand to take our little one. Thankfully both of our employers were fine with it so long as it didn't impact our productivity overall. Hurrah for human decency!

1. We moved to the south coast where things were more affordable. I was so sad to leave London, where all my friends were, and it was a big change in terms of the commute when i needed. But our childcare cost halved, and we were able to afford a full day childcare 4 days a week, which made the world of difference.

To me, those big changes improved the quality of our life during the nursery years. That was something we were willing to do, but the other option is to push through. It isn't fair, but it isn't permanent either. Sending good vibes!!

Indeed. Who on earth thinks it’s ok to wfh while looking after small children. Seriously?

Fed up with this government? What do you want the government or should I say, the tax payer, to do for you?

I presume OP and her husband are also taxpayers.

Some people like to act like you don’t pay tax when you have an under 5.

Actually, there is a great idea! Tax breaks for new parents! Even just when on maternity leave. Or tax free childcare that is truly tax free, to be calculated at the tax rate of the highest earning parent.

💯

I Just don’t get why we the UK electorate tolerate such crap standards!

And I bet the UK electorate will still vote Tory 🫠 I guess better to have the elites taking all the money from the economy/what should be ours though then the poor taking a fraction of that from us eh

It’s long but might be worth a watch to understand why we are in the situation we are in and it will only get worse, the UK electorate needs to wake up! At least Gen Z seem a bit more switched on with this…

Maybe I’m wrong but when have the policy decisions over the past 20+ years hurt the elites financially the same way they have hurt the everyday person financially? But for some reason we just accept and even encourage this for ourselves, it is utterly bizarre! Now breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ I’m glad I noticed this early on so I could manage the appalling system better for myself!

Oh really? I guess I’m having a blast🤪

why can’t someone stay in a job they love?

If they can't afford to raise kids in that job, they can't afford to stay in that job.

You are reasonable to be angry about the poverty gap and the cost of childcare. You are reasonable to enjoy your job and not want to leave it. At the same time, you need to look at the bank balance anf consider all the options. Hopefully, the fifteen free hours will give you enough financial headroom. If not, you need to consider a second job or a different job.

Referring to your other reply to me: I agree with you that people should not tell you that you should not have had your child. I would hope that my comments about how mothers make new citizens and do vital work for the State in the process would have made that clear! Unfortunately, the current govt don't support mothers in a way that reflects this and that means that you have to cut outgoings or increase earnings. There's how things should be and there's how things are: you must work with the latter.

Summarised in 4 panels.

how come you're in social housing when you earn that much money? 😵‍💫 Genuine question

It's funny you ask this as my grandparents were eligible for a council house in the 40's as my granddad had been in the RAF and he was granted it upon leaving. It was only a prefab to begin with but they would continue to live in social housing their entire lives despite having good jobs for their day and having a nice lifestyle including holidays abroad. There was little stigma regarding social housing back and I never heard any criticism of them.

If it's three days could you share childcare with a friend? I had my friends child for a day and she had mine. It's a bit mad with two babies but we had fun.

@Oink38 once you no longer have nursery fees and can work FT you will be so much better off financially. It's shocking how expensive everything is now. Even with a decent household income people feel they are hand to mouth.

good news about the 15 hrs @Oink38

Also having a dc should not be considered a luxury but as I read some of the comments ere and reflect on my experiences, it very much feels that way now.

Good luck @Oink38 let us know yow you get on.

I feel for you OP. Hope that now you can get the 15 hours it'll ease the pressure a bit. But it shouldn't be like that, nursery should be affordable for everyone, and you shouldn't have to change your job to survive - we need people to work all kinds of jobs, including the lower paid ones.

The UK could do with nurseries for shift workers like we have in my country, then you'd be able to work evenings and weekends. My nursery is open 24/7 so people working earlies, evenings, or nights can still get childcare (you can't just leave your child there all day and night of course, there's the daytime side for people with daytime jobs which is 6:00 to 17:15 and then the shift side which has a separate application route). And of course properly subsidised so no one has to worry about childcare costs - I pay zero a month for full time care.

Can either of you look into a small reduction in earnings if you are borderline for UC? Reduction of a few hours or whatever?

I think if you qualify for UC you can then get some free childcare for 2yo as well as a lot more of a discount on the childcare itself (I've not been on it, isn't personal experience - but worth googling as I know I have a friend who was on it while working and had 15hr free once hers was 2 as both working over 16 hours a week, and a big discount on the childcare above that, not sure how much it was!