How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

Hi I do already do long days and me and husband have looked at trying to get flexible working but husbands was refused so we couldn’t.

Thanks though

I live on my own, was on jobseekers £77 a week which got me nowhere, had £5 a week for food, got a job which was basically pushed into otherwise would lose my JSA, I’m on NMW, a 4hr contract but do roughly 20hrs a week. I started my job in April last yr, not even taken any holiday yet as I’m scared to because it will be on average holiday pay, I’m not entitled to any help from UC because according to them I earn too much, my wage is roughly 1k a mth on a good month, sometimes I only do 12-16 hrs a week, I live in a shared house which is £600 a mth, that’s most of my wages gone, so I earn roughly 12k a year that’s a pathetic amount, I’m looking for another job but they are just the same 4hrs a week! I would feel like a millionaire if earned 50k a year!

Are you sure you’re not entitled to the new 15hours? And are you accessing the tax free?

Hi yes it turns out we are and the lovely poster who put about that had been thanked numerous times for being super helpful!

Sorry to hear things are so tough for you. X

@Oink38 do you get a good benefit package with the charity you work for? many of my colleagues who work in the NHS earn similar salaries to yourself. They also prefer to stay where they are having done their job for many years or worked in the nhs for a long time as they get a good holiday entitlement, pension, sickness and stability. I wonder if you're the same?

Hi yes we get good maternity pay, good holiday, excellent sickness and they are a lovely company to work for. The stability isn’t there as it’s all funded so it can mean redundancy risks if no funding but I’m passionate about what I do

Sorry - hadn’t managed to read through the whole thread but wanted to mention as it’s definitely knowing about.

Have you put all details into the benefits4u website? It can be surprising what people are entitled to without checking. As 50k joint income isn't huge. I used to think it was but when see how much people now earn realise i was in a time warp.

In my experience it gets massively easier when children start school. We had no family support and therefore 8 years of full time private nursery fees (in the day when only 15 hours a week from age 3). Now they are older it’s such a relief to be able to save and not fret about every last penny. Got to think long term.

Can I check, have you double checked as you should be entitled to 30 hours free a week for 38 weeks of the year plus tax free childcare (20% of outstanding fees)? Or is it over £1k after all that?

Sorry if you have already answered this question.

Hi we are entitled to 15hrs now and 30hrs in September. I was told wrongly by the gov helpline but a kind poster informed me and yes we got our code for the 15hrs today so will be utilising when we can

Have they tried McD's Burger King etc

@Oink38 glad to hear you are getting something. It’s so tough isn’t it. We only have the one but it’s so bloody expensive. And that’s before nappies, food issues, soft play etc. I’m hoping it feels better at school but then we have the other issue of no wrap around care or family either nearby. Good luck OP, hope it gets better for you x

I may be reading this incorrectly and if not… I hope you see this OP.
But unless you earn over 50k each you should be entitled to the free childcare places from when your child is two, presuming you both work over 16 hours a week (hence the need for 3 days childcare?)

We also just have the one and it is tough. Sorry to hear you’re in the same boat. Hope things get easier too xx

@Parisiennes

She already explained why she can't take up additional work like weekend work - please read her posts

That's good @Oink38 . I'm going to be honest here (may be going against the grain here!). I absolutely think you're entitled to be frustrated with lack of money etc but most importantly I think being in a job that is fulfilling, your wellbeing is nourished, irrespective of whether you're too comfortable or not (not saying this is the case OP) is a top priority. Yes, you are struggling and not finding it easy but if you were in a job that paid substantially more but you were under so much pressure and stress that it impacted your family isn't this also something to be taken into account on why we shouldn't just change jobs for money?

You're not being unreasonable. It's about time everyone accepted that the chasm needs to narrow between low and high income earners, instead of everyone getting an e.g. 10% pay rise and the gap getting ever wider. However, you do have transferrable skills, and your below-average national wage suggests you can change jobs, as could your husband. You could also move - you don't have any supporting friends or family nearby. And your child will be old enough for (free) school, in a short space of time. Work out a temporary 3-year plan, that might involve moving - closer to family or somewhere cheaper. Work different hours or days or change jobs. If you're miserable and not being paid much, and nothing really ties you to the area, time to make an "until our child reaches school age" plan. And find friends who have the same aged child. You have no idea how much you will come to value sleepovers, school runs, car-share to events and parties, and someone else close-by, going through the same stuff.

Thank you. I really agree with you. Having worked some terrible high pressured jobs prior to this one I know I couldn’t handle going into a more stressful job even if it were money. I value my time with my child before he starts school. It is just the constant onslaught of everything rising. You see articles about water going up, electric going up, our mortgage sky rocketed and friends have had it even worse. Thank you x

A child minder would be a cheaper option for you.

No advice, just sympathy. We earn more as a couple but have 2 in nursery at £1.5k a month (not even full time). It’s awful. Our mortgage is high too. Sometimes I want to jack in my stressful full time job and go on benefits. I think I’d be much happier if not richer. This govt did this. No investment in childcare, just election slogans.

Hi we do have a plan but it starts when nursery ends. Moving is not an option. We have family nearby who rely on me for caring for, I do have friends just not those with same aged children as ours. Plus moving costs are crazy. We spoke to a mortgage adviser who advised we stay where we are until childcare payments have finished as we wouldn’t be able to afford anything else at present. We can’t downsize as in a two bed flat and have no room as it is!

@Oink38 please take no notice of the people saying “you chose this luxury” wtf! No alot of people have to choose to work certain amount of hours to make it work for the child 😅 I couldn’t help but comment! I know on my last comment I was an arse due to the comments in regards to UC..

buts let’s be honest! The system really shouldn’t be like this! It shouldn’t cost more to send your child to nursery then what you actually get in wages each month,

for my children on some months it actually doesn’t benefit us me going to work.. sometimes we’re acting MINUS on our income as soon as we’ve paid the childcare provider?

I don’t know how people aren’t understanding what you mean, either that or there just being deliberately patronising OR don’t have to juggle the childcare scenario themselves so don’t understand the difficulty it causes..

OP I forgot to mention and I haven’t read everyone’s responses but have you looked at tax free childcare? Would you be entitled to that? I would try and do an online calculator or phone citizens advice to get some proper information and they will be able to tell you what you could be entitled to incase your missing anything.

I completely understand why you want to do the hours you’re doing now though and try and fit in quality time! It’s natural and completely reasonable.. nothing “luxury” about it.. I wish people wouldn’t say that.. it’s what you should be able to do when your little ones are younger! Times should not be this hard on parents.. especially ones that are trying there best to earn money and work hard..

things will get easier! That’s literally all I keep telling myself😂😅 keep positive! You’re doing all you can! If your eligible tho look into tax free childcare to see if there’s any help they could offer?x

Look for new jobs? Look for extra work?
Just know that it's not forever.
Hang in there.