My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

519 replies

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:21

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1713 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
19%
You are NOT being unreasonable
81%
awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 10/02/2024 17:22

Universal credit childcare element? Fuck knows tbh

herewegoagainonmydog · 10/02/2024 17:23

I hear you. The nursery years are a killer but won't be forever.

When my thoughts used to spiral I'd try and just focus on what was going well (secure job? Health?).

It's bloody hard though!

coxesorangepippin · 10/02/2024 17:24

Yup.

Not sure why people do not push more for subsidized daycare... It's an absolute killer. And mostly for women.

They do it in northern Europe, Canada etc, why not the UK?

awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 10/02/2024 17:25

I think when your dc are small you just have to live month to month until it gets easier.

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:25

awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 10/02/2024 17:22

Universal credit childcare element? Fuck knows tbh

Nope not entitled. Have checked! Just so sole destroying !

OP posts:
Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:26

herewegoagainonmydog · 10/02/2024 17:23

I hear you. The nursery years are a killer but won't be forever.

When my thoughts used to spiral I'd try and just focus on what was going well (secure job? Health?).

It's bloody hard though!

Thanks. I usually can do the positive but it’s just too much today. I’ll probably be back to
My sunny self tomorrow 😂

OP posts:
nappyvalley2024 · 10/02/2024 17:27

Yep it's awful. Those on universal credit seem to be doing ok though.

Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:27

awitchoftroubleinelectricblue · 10/02/2024 17:25

I think when your dc are small you just have to live month to month until it gets easier.

Yep. It just sucks when you feel like constant shit gets thrown your way. Everything just keeps going up!

OP posts:
Oink38 · 10/02/2024 17:28

nappyvalley2024 · 10/02/2024 17:27

Yep it's awful. Those on universal credit seem to be doing ok though.

No comment…..

OP posts:
Woodstocks · 10/02/2024 17:28

Are you sure you can’t do another job? You say your husband earns “well” yet you both bring in a combined income of only £50k. Would it be worth exploring related fields or even something that isn’t specialised but gives flexibility for evening and weekend work?

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/02/2024 17:29

It will get better when they start school.

Beezknees · 10/02/2024 17:31

Nursery is temporary. I live on half that money as a single parent and live fine, no childcare costs as DC is older.

3WildOnes · 10/02/2024 17:32

I think you are probably in one of the worst income ranges as just earn too much to be entitled to any benefits so you have to pay nursery fees. Things will get easier as your child gets older. I know you said that you didn't think you could earn more but I would keep looking around to see if there is anything better out there too.

rickyrickygrimes · 10/02/2024 17:33

coxesorangepippin · 10/02/2024 17:24

Yup.

Not sure why people do not push more for subsidized daycare... It's an absolute killer. And mostly for women.

They do it in northern Europe, Canada etc, why not the UK?

This.

I’m in France and state crèches for working parents are very affordable. There is an army of nounous / assistante maternelles to provide different childcare options, all subsidised. ‘School’ / state Nursery starts at 2/3yrs, completely state provided 0800-16h30 4 days a week, plus morning and evening plus lunchtime if needed at a very low extra cost.

eatsleepfarmrepeat · 10/02/2024 17:34

coxesorangepippin · 10/02/2024 17:24

Yup.

Not sure why people do not push more for subsidized daycare... It's an absolute killer. And mostly for women.

They do it in northern Europe, Canada etc, why not the UK?

It is subsided? They’ve just amended it so that more parents have access to more free hours earlier on?

My childcare provider charges £4.75 per hour, it does add up and childcare is a significant outgoing in our household (3 children, one in nursery the others school with wraparound hours) but £4.75 an hour to look after the most precious people in my world is very cheap. For comparison I work as a professional in a fee earning role and my charge out rate is £250/hour for something that whilst very important to those employing my services, is nowhere near as important as looking after peoples children.

Dominoeffecter · 10/02/2024 17:35

Woodstocks · 10/02/2024 17:28

Are you sure you can’t do another job? You say your husband earns “well” yet you both bring in a combined income of only £50k. Would it be worth exploring related fields or even something that isn’t specialised but gives flexibility for evening and weekend work?

She said her husband earns well for the field he is in

3WildOnes · 10/02/2024 17:35

Beezknees · 10/02/2024 17:31

Nursery is temporary. I live on half that money as a single parent and live fine, no childcare costs as DC is older.

Maybe you have no or low housing costs and OP has high housing costs.
I'm surprised that you can survive well on half the OPs income! It wouldn't cover my mortgage and bills let alone food. How much do you actually have coming in a month?

Marmite27 · 10/02/2024 17:36

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/02/2024 17:29

It will get better when they start school.

Don’t bank on it, we pay more for wrap around care at school than we did for nursery!

Sususudio · 10/02/2024 17:38

I really feel for you. Hang in there until the DC grow up. I hope things get better for you.

Beezknees · 10/02/2024 17:40

3WildOnes · 10/02/2024 17:35

Maybe you have no or low housing costs and OP has high housing costs.
I'm surprised that you can survive well on half the OPs income! It wouldn't cover my mortgage and bills let alone food. How much do you actually have coming in a month?

Yes but OP is paying £1k a month for nursery so that will become available to her when nursery days are over.

My monthly income is just over £2k. I live in social housing so my rent is cheaper at £500pm. Other household bills are around £500pm combined (I do not own a car and only spend £8 a week on travel to work) so I have £1k left for food and other stuff.

FigTreeInEurope · 10/02/2024 17:40

Were in italy. We pay 200 euros a month for every morning at a forest school.

peppapig123456 · 10/02/2024 17:40

Exact same position! I hear u OP. It's shit.

BosworthBosworth · 10/02/2024 17:42

nappyvalley2024 · 10/02/2024 17:27

Yep it's awful. Those on universal credit seem to be doing ok though.

Yeah it's an absolute hoot having 2 working parents and still not earning enough to not need universal credit.
You should definitely try getting this skint and miserable just so you can benefit from the fun we're having.

TheGoddessFreyja · 10/02/2024 17:43

Have you tried selling old clothes on vinted for a bit of extra cash? Kids clothes, your clothes, hubby's clothes that you no longer wear? Wack them on! you might be suprised. I made about £100 in my first week, and was just nice to have a little bit of extra money to put by for a rainy day.

My sales on there have trailed off a bit as I haven't been bothered to delete the posts and upload again but you never know it might be a good way to not only get rid of bits but give yourself some cash xx

Yogatoga1 · 10/02/2024 17:43

Childcare is temporary.

we survived by asking the bank to change the mortgage to interest only until we were out the other side.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.