How the hell everyone is supposed to cope?

[Oink38]

Having a bad day of mass anxiety.

so, hubby and I earn ok wages. Not huge but we both work for charities so probably earn between 50k between us

childcare is killing us- nearly 1k a month for 3 days a week. We have no family or friends support. Now that the new funding has come in people who aren’t entitled due to being 3 shortly and not getting that funding until September will have to no doubt have their nursery fees raised again.

no pay rises in sight. Meant to be putting into work pension and also saving but honestly where the hell are we supposed to find the money

desperate to move but can’t cos nursery fees are too high.

fed up with this government. Not entitled to any benefits barely surviving month to month. Haven’t had a holiday in 9 years. Drive old car. No fun days out. Barely have anything left to do anything with. Utterly fed up of working for basically shit.

no can’t get other jobs I am specialised in what I do and hubby earns well for the field he is in.

and no we don’t buy take away coffees or avocados

just a massive rant really. Suppose aibu in thinking how the hell people are supposed to survive when everything is going up and no positivity anywhere

Haha yes heaven forbid people do jobs they enjoy and get paid not that bad for! As previously said I’m just fed up of the state of the country where everything is going up and up and up.

if everyone took the big paid jobs how would the country survive without the lower paid workers?

@Oink38 if your child is nearly 3 then you will get funding from April.

My husband does work full time sorry I got the hours wrong but he does and does overtime and on call work. I will be going back full time when son is at school as we worked out we’d be worse off having me full time with him in nursery full time

Yes and no. It is a choice to work in a job you love and value etc, but the issue stems from the fact that salaries have not kept up with increased cost of living.

It's wildly simplistic to say people should just change job or work more hours. That isn't really how life works! The fact is the jobs should pay a realistic wage that allows a decent standard of living, but they currently don't.

Unfortunately not. I thought this was the case but spoke to the childcare choices people who said no and it will be from September that we will get any support and we will get the 30hrs then. We have missed out on the new offers. Had it confirmed a few places annoyingly

Apologies if I missed this but will you not get the 30 hours soon? It's only those first years that are an absolute killer, after that I got the 30 hours and then school wraparound care costs less. Even holiday club is £20 a day rather than £60.

Hi yes we should get it from
september. However I’ve been told it only covers 8-4 and is only term time. We also would need to pay for his food (obviously) so it will help but we will still have quite a lot of childcare to pay as he is in 7-6 three days a week due to our work patterns

You clearly could not afford to have a child. It’s that simple, OP

Stupid comment

Really? We pay £80 a day for nursery and wraparound for school will be £18 a day. A huge difference!

I’m not saying children should be aborted. I’m saying you should have looked into the cost of childcare before falling pregnant. That is an entirely reasonable and sensible thing to do when you are a prospective parent.

Most people struggle to afford childcare costs particularly when you add in high housing costs. Many people aren't having dc so I don't think it's a good thing to lower the birth rates even more, the ageing population is already impacting the economy.

If you work from home why do you need childcare?

Seriously?

But you have made various choices which impact on your financial situation and, although you can't turn back tine, you must have anticipated the impact that those choices would make. So different jobs/full time work/ remaining childfree were all options. It's fine that you chose not to take them, OP, but you had/have free will. We all have to live with our own decisions, good or bad.

I think you have to make peace with the choices you and your husband have made in your careers, which you both love.

I have had to do the same. Sometimes I feel envious of my friends who earn so much more than me, or who have retired and have more income from their their pensions than I earn. I have to remember that they chose high octane, high stress careers in high paying sectors. Whereas I chose to mostly work part time at a job I really enjoyed- which is not to say I didn't work hard, I did and still do. My partner also chose a career in a low paying sector that he loved. We will never earn much more than we do now but it's the choice we made.

Sorry to go on but I know the scheme well, I'm a childcare provider. What is your child's DOB? You will definitely be eligible if they are already 2 years old, or even turning 2 before 1st April.

Honestly I feel you - I have 2 kids close together (little choice on timing due to issues) and me and DH both earn above average salaries but over £2k a month for (not even fancy) nursery provision in West Yorkshire (so hardly the south east or London) is a KILLER - barely see my kids in the week and still had to do overtime this Saturday to pay for my car insurance renewal.

I know people will say ‘well don’t have kids’ but it’s not too much to ask to have two kids and to actually be able to FEED and HOUSE them when working full time is it?? I tell myself it’s only temporary as I dip into the dwindling savings month on month….

Would it help you op if you changed your mindset to what you could be grateful for? Both of you having jobs you love, that's massive. Having a husband you love, lucky you. Having a child you never thought you'd have. Awesome. Every penny you pay in childcare now will be in your pocket in a few very short years. Hang in there.

Also wage stagnation has been terrible. 50k is equivalent to 34k in 2010

The nursery price anywhere near the SE is part of the issue. Nursery in my town near Bath is £5 an hour. Nursery workers, premises rent, kids food costs etc in Essex are, let's face it, London prices.

I know 2 couples in Essex related to my OH and one is moving, because the sad fact is that for one of them to do the low-paid jobs you correctly say we need in society, the other person has to be doing something better-paid.

Thank you. And yes normally I can do this but today is just one of those days. I’m usually content with our work small but lovely home and knowing it’ll get better with school but today is just a bad day. Probably shouldn’t have posted to be honest with the negativity I’ve got!

Thanks. It’s May 2021

I’ll be annoyed if we have been told wrongly I contacted three organisations including the gov people directly and was told no!

Would going onto an interest only mortgage be an option while you have childcare costs? Might give you a bit of breathing space.

Who earns most people hour, you or your DH?
I only ask as you have mentioned that you have 20 years experience.
Could you consider going back full time and your DH dropping hours. I'd presume overtime would still be available to him to be able to work around you.

I understand its tough. My DH would have become a SAHD if my DDad hadn't offered us as much help as he did ( we never factored this in when budgeting so it really really helped ).

@nappyvalley2024 would love to know how you know this?

im on UC and work 30hrs a week, sometimes over depending on overtime, I can tell you now I’m struggling just as much as OP is, childcare is paid in arrears, it’s an absolute nightmare to even try and get any of the “85%” they claim they help you with the amount of times they’ve fucked this up is unreal and they literally don’t care if you can’t pay your rent because of it.. we can’t afford luxuries either just about affording to run the car.. so by saying “people on UC are doing ok tho” is a joke and a wild assumption that people on UC don’t work? Seems like a pathetic dig to people on the system..

eveyone is struggling, food is incredibly expensive, I work in retail so my hours literally can be 8am-8pm long hours, we struggle and have barely any support.. mentally we are fucking drained with having to try and swap childcare, pay for spaces that aren’t necessarily needed on them days (retail is rarely set days so you can be put in any day or any time) but nursery only opens until 6? And asks you for set days when signing up!

so no, people on UC like myself and many others are not “doing ok”

and as for @Oink38 for the “no comment” remark, shouldn’t you realise everyone else is struggling? Don’t make assumptions just because someone claims UC.. they work just as hard.

I apologise for making that comment.

There are people in my circle who are benefits only and have a far better lifestyle and house and disposable income but I think that’s a rarity and is when people know how to play the system.

im honest I don’t know about the UC system so I sincerely apologise if I caused offence.

just having a bad day

I hear you, OP. Lone parent (widowed), worked hard all my life, earn over the threshold for child benefit and taxed at the higher rate despite earning way less than a couple working full time, both at the top end of the 20% threshold - in fact, I'm contributing to their child benefit!

It's fucked up and depressing.