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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance -Family money?

453 replies

ZekeZeke · 10/02/2024 10:55

Example:
Married 25 years, no mortgage both work.
2 adult children in University still living at home.(both working part time).
Widowed MIL dies. DH inherits £200,000
Is this family pot money?
DH Money?
DH and DW money?
DH ans DC money?

OP posts:
MuchTooTired · 10/02/2024 10:57

My view is it’s DH & DC money unless DH decides to share with DW. I have completely shared finances with DH, but in my mind any inheritances either of us receive are out of the joint pot unless the inheritor decides to include it in the pot.

Hoglet70 · 10/02/2024 10:58

I would say hopefully a joint pot for you and DH. You would then decide together what happens to it. I know that's what me and DH would do as we pool everything but not everyone is the same.

10ThousandSpoons · 10/02/2024 10:58

DH but he should ideally use most of it to benefit the family

BranchGold · 10/02/2024 10:58

Legally or more from a practical view point?

I think legally it’s a joint asset, but I do think the person who’s inherited should have more guidance in how they want the money to be spent.

Marmite27 · 10/02/2024 10:59

DH money.

chantelion · 10/02/2024 11:00

Hoglet70 · 10/02/2024 10:58

I would say hopefully a joint pot for you and DH. You would then decide together what happens to it. I know that's what me and DH would do as we pool everything but not everyone is the same.

This is what we would do too. I'm a sahp and dh money is my money. We make all decisions together.

hopeishere · 10/02/2024 11:02

Interesting. We are in the same situation. It's DH's money but he will use to benefit the family - nice holiday and investing for retirement (mine!). Plus maybe some house related stuff.

Elpheba · 10/02/2024 11:02

Joint money, though with a nod towards them being allowed to be a little selfish with a part of the money. New vehicle or special holiday, something led by them.

fishonabicycle · 10/02/2024 11:02

I would generally think that some should be earmarked for DC (unless times are really hard) and I would assume that you would share the rest. I can't imagine that I would just spend £200k on myself if I was the inheritor!

Sneez · 10/02/2024 11:03

Family pot unless you don’t usually share finances

NorthernGirlie · 10/02/2024 11:04

I inherited £54k some years ago. It went onto our joint savings.

Paid for a £12k car outright for dh (I don't drive but do benefit from the car)

Paid for house renovations (dh did the work so he guided where it went)

The rest is still sat in joint savings. We'll, it's our entire savings - We had none before the inheritance and haven't really added to it much

Babyroobs · 10/02/2024 11:07

We were in a similar position some years ago with dh inheriting money. I don't think he sees it a joint money, neither do I really. Being a decent human though he did pay off the remaining mortgage which benefited us both hugely, then a few years down the line he paid for an extension which has improved the whole family's life. He is also helping dc through Uni. There is not a lot left but what is is earmarked for him to retire earlier as he is not in great health and doesn't have a great pension. I may or may not inherit in the future ( depending if my dad has use his house to pay care fees ). If I do I will share with dh and see it as joint money and also help the kids.

BodenCardiganNot · 10/02/2024 11:09

DH inherited £400,000 last year. It's all gone into the family pot.

Blanketpolicy · 10/02/2024 11:12

Together/married 33 years. It would go into mine and dhs joint finances. I would be very aware of where it had come from and ask if there was anything he specifically wanted to do with it, but I would get an equal say. So i could, for example, veto blowing it all on an expensive boy toy motorbike, or support him wanting to use a chunk to treat ds(19) and other family to see Scotland in the euros, good tickets and decent hotel (if they could get tickets!).

Twilightstarbright · 10/02/2024 11:15

What did the will say-were the DC named?

I’d see it as family money. We share finances and DH paid all our deposit for the house as I earn far less than him. However, I’m more likely to inherit than he is and I wouldn’t dream of keeping it from him.

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 10/02/2024 11:34

My dh inherited 25k about 10 years ago, it paid for our wedding and it was always considered by him as money for both of us.
I can't imagine a situation where a large sum of money comes into the family but it only benefits one person.

Hummusandstuff · 10/02/2024 11:39

Well it’s both.
It’s his but any half decent spouse shares their money. Maybe a chance for him to buy or do something that’s a life goal too.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/02/2024 11:43

I'd say from a moral standpoint it's his. It was specifically left to him, so it's up to him to use as he wishes. Hopefully he would ask your opinions about it and want to use at least some of it for something you both like. I guess in a legal sense, I'm not too sure as not legally married. My DH (we are married religiously) inherited a bunch of cash from his nan. I want some of it but would never ask directly! haha. Everyone is different though.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/02/2024 11:44

Family money, unless one party is in some way financially abusive or not to be trusted with money.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/02/2024 11:45

Isn’t it a fundamental part of marriage that “what’s mine is yours”? Subject to the above caveats of course.

Riverlee · 10/02/2024 11:47

DH inherited done money a few years ago.

DH had some ‘personal treat’ money. The rest has gone to pay off the mortgage and have in reserves., so family money.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/02/2024 11:48

I had some inheritance (a decent amount but not life changing). It was a joint decision on what to do with it. We mostly invested it for our children.

BUT we completely share finances currently (both earn well though he earns more than me) and both have a similar attitude to money and spending and saving (I didn't have to 'save to pay my portion of the bills' during maternity leave for example). If your marriage works differently then normally then I can see why that would differ.

I'd say it depends on how finances are split normally and what would have happened if the other had inherited. What would you do if one of you had won some money on scratchcards, or got a bonus at work for example. Do you have separate different spending amounts currently for example

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/02/2024 11:50

Also from the deceased point of view - if you're giving it to someone who's married then surely you know that legally its only half theirs? If they aren't happy with this they need to make some kind of stipulation in the will (subject to legal advice) or leave it to grandchildren or something

rwalker · 10/02/2024 11:53

Wife inherited a good few £1000
just saw it as hers

shoofly · 10/02/2024 11:54

In our house its family money.
My Mum died 5 years ago. Chunk of it went against mortgage. Chunk of it topped up DH pension. Plans for similar for my pension (but for various reasons hasn't happened yet.) MIL died last year and money from inheritance is starting to trickle through. Mortgage will be paid off beginning March. ISAs topped up pensions topped up and then will work out how to use rest. But all has been entirely joint decision, even though I earn about 1/5 of DH and his inheritance is possibly 5 or 6 times mine.