Inheritance -Family money?

[ZekeZeke]

Example:
Married 25 years, no mortgage both work.
2 adult children in University still living at home.(both working part time).
Widowed MIL dies. DH inherits £200,000
Is this family pot money?
DH Money?
DH and DW money?
DH ans DC money?

I think it's his money.

Is he intending to spend it all on himself?

My mother left her money to me. I'm the one named ,not my husband or my children. (She left them separate amounts)
I'm not sure what the laws says. I imagine if we divorced he'd be able to claim half but I do actually regard it as my money.
I have been very happy to share it though and pay for things we needed doing but the excess remains in my hands and my control.

In our house it would be family money with perhaps a personal splurge - personal shopper haul, new bicycle etc. (We don’t have a joint account but view all money as household money).

I don’t think there’s a right and wrong, it largely depends on the family dynamic I think.

I had a large inheritance ten years ago. DH never asked or assumed it would be shared, but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to keep it for myself because we have always shared our finances since we moved in together. It was a significant sum and changed our lives as we were able to buy a house outright, invest some and go on some really special holidays. It also allowed me to push the boat out for DH’s 40th and really spoil him. DH loved my parents too and he grieved too. He supported me hugely during their illnesses and picked up the slack with home/childcare etc when I need to attend to my parents. It would have been extremely weird to keep the money for myself, but then it was a life-changing amount. Maybe it would have felt different with a smaller sum.

In our family it’d be joint money as DH would probably give it to me to figure out the best use, but legally, where I live, it’d be DH’s money as long as he didn’t use it in any way for the family pot, example put it into the house or a joint bank or investment account.

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This.

It’s up to him whether he keeps it separate or combines it with family finances.

Marriage does not turn two individuals into one, despite what many on MN seem to think.

The easiest way to answer this is to consider what would happen in you divorced - though hopefully you won't of course

At that point it would still be his, providing he'd kept it in his own name and hadn't used it for joint expenses - the exception being if there weren't sufficient other assets to support you both, in which case an order could be made for it to be shared

Obviously it doesn't usually come to this and very many share the money anyway, but the above came from my own solicitor when I divorced

Family money mostly. I think DH can keep some to himself to buy a nice treat/trip/whatever/savings for himself only.

If I left my kids that kind of money I'd want some of it to go to them only, not share everything with the spouse.

I think the legal position is that it is his, so long as it doesn't go in a joint account.

However, in my household it would be going into a joint account or I'd be thinking of divorce.

If it is your DH named in the will I would assume he would see it as family money. When my DH inherited from his uncle, we were fortunate enough to not be in desperate need of the money, so have allocated it into savings accounts for each DC which will hopefully go towards a house deposit. It would never have crossed my DH's mind to keep it for himself.

While, legally it belongs to DH, I think it would be pretty poor to receive that level of cash, and not pass any on to the DC, especially at that age, where a relatively small amount could make a massive difference to them. Similarly, if they have a mortgage, then not putting any towards that would make me question the sort of partnership I was in, if I was the DW.

On the other hand, I think a proportion should definitely be spent entirely by the DH, on something meaningful, e.g. holiday of a lifetime, a watch, furniture, garden, or similar. Something to bring joy, and remember the deceased by when they see or think of it.

Absolutely DH money in my view and his choice on what to do with it

But, unpopular opinion, I don’t believe in joint finances, even when married

DH inherited money from his GM and the money was just his. DH then bought land with it and the land became a joint marital asset. I live in Scotland though and I don’t know if the rules are slightly different in different parts of the uk.

Most would hope though that the majority of the money would benefit the family.

DH money however we would always make joint decisions on how to spend it for the benefit of the whole family (i.e pay some of mortgage/home improvements/family holiday/helping kids with expenses/car etc). However with a large amount of money I’d be happy if DH spent some on himself if there was something in particular he wanted (expensive hobby item etc). Generally shared money but the inheritor should decide. Although I’d be cheesed off if he spent it all on himself/holidays with his mates etc.

Interesting reading all the answers. In our marriage we have semi separate finances (joint account to cover household and kids stuff; we contribute proportionately and the rest separate.) We both work FT and split chores etc so there's not a non financial contribution to account for as there would be with a SAHP. We've both had inheritances and considered them personal technically but in fact the bulk has always been used to pay off mortgage, cover a massive renovation project etc. We are married and our kids are jointly ours which simplifies things a lot.

My MIL was a funny one. FIL inherited and that was considered joint money. But when MIL inherited she definitely considered it hers only!

DH’s money. He would discuss with me what to do with it and he’d put some aside for the DC but ultimately it’s his decision.

Joint in our house.

I’m sure our marriage vows included something along those lines!

It is family money. That is the principle of marriage. Whether you sign up to the religious "For richer for poorer in sickness or in health" wording, that is what it is. The promise that you will set aside your own selves and both work for the family unit to succeed.
Mostly of course one is never put to the test. Usually in severe illness we respond in the right way without prompting.
We allocated some for special presents for DH and me. I bought a new bike he has money available for new photographic gear. Two very good family holidays.
A chunk into savings in names of DC. So it is separate from ours.

There’s only DH likely to inherit anything in our marriage and I think I would see it as his money really, but I’d also kind of worry about the state of our marriage if he didn’t want to use at least a good chunk of it for the benefit of us as a whole family, and I’d absolutely expect him to invest some for DD’s future in some way.

I know full well his instinct would be to just put it away in savings, he is very much not a spender.

It'd be family money in our house, but the person who inherited would have the final say. Though DH has a share of property from some inheritance and we've agreed that if he died before the property is sold it would go straight to DC rather than me, given that I would benefit from the mortgage being paid off, life assurance etc. and as I'm the high earner it would make sense to go straight to DC as I wouldn't need it and they would benefit more from it.

DH money

but given that DW works and therefore contributes it would be nice of him to use it towards something everyone can benefit from or put it into trust for the children.

DH and I have both inherited when our respective parents died. (My inheritance was nearly 10x his and I also put in a chunk into household funds/savings from a generous redundancy payout. )
It all went into the family pot, with joint decisions on how various sums would be spent, and with a chunk put aside for DC .
But we agreed early on in our marriage that any significant amounts of cash acquired by either of us, via inheritance, premium bond/lottery wins/accrued amounts in savings accounts or profits from shares etc was family money.
We're a partnership.
But if a married couple divorce then are not monies inherited etc by either party during the marriage taken into account when dividing the total assets of both? Unless there is prior agreement in the form of a pre-nup -- and even these can be set aside by the courts.

Yep. My DH stood up beside me in church and vowed 'with all my wordly goods I thee endow. '
I think that covers it all. And for us it works both ways because that's fair.

We have my parents and DH's dad still alive so no inheritance received as yet. When ex-DH's mother died, we had been married 8 years, two DC, his mum was a widow and he an only child. We had separate finances, which was very much to his advantage as he earned at least 3x what I did. He paid off the mortgage and this reduced his monthly outgoings and made f-all difference to mine. I suspect I received some of the benefit in my divorce settlement though!

As for the current situation, I am not sure what will happen. DH is one of 3 DC and his parents' money will be split three ways with the house going to the youngest DC, as agreed with the older two who are both high earners by some margin. The house is worth about 130k.

I am one of two children, and there is a significant disparity in finances between me and my DSis. Despite this, our parents always treat us exactly the same, the only exception being that they paid for her breast reduction surgery after it had been cancelled twice by the NHS, which I wholeheartedly supported as she had triple negative breast cancer and needed a reduction before they could start radiotherapy. I would have paid for it myself, if needed.

When both of my parents pass, I think I might like to buy a property that my DC could live in. This would be awkward if DH disagrees. We really haven't discussed what will happen (we have no shared children) and for me, as we haven't children together, and we are financially secure with no debts, inheritances should be used in a way to benefit the next generation.