Some of the major examples:
Told people I was pregnant before I wanted people to know. Denied it, then eventually admitted to telling one person. Never apologised.
Bought excessive amount of clothing, books, toys before baby was born. I held my tongue until she landed at the house with a bag full of teddies, 13 to be precise. I asked for her to keep some down at hers to save me bringing teddies up & down with me, she said no. I then thanked her but said the quantity is a bit much and I'd prefer if she just bought one because other's will want to buy teddies also, her response 'I've waited long enough, I can do what I want'. I was a bit taken back by her response but just said I'm trying to ask nicely here and then I swiftly changed the subject. She still holds a grudge about this almost 8 months later and has told other's I'll be cross with them if they buy the wrong gifts for baby.
Baby arrived, covid restrictions in hospital, no visitors permitted. She kept pushing to visit but I said your not allowed. No one visited from either side but she was annoyed with me over this.
Husband and FIL had a falling out, nothing to do with me. I kept bringing baby down to visit them each week while they never visited our house. The visits were not pleasant as they gave out about my husband and twisted the fall out (hubby was not in the wrong). Baby started making strange with them, this upset MIL so she started saying I was not socialising the baby enough, that I should be bringing a 3 month old to cafes etc. Every visit there were more comments about me needing to bring baby here and there, I would respond by saying I think she gets plenty of socialising and left it at that. Reality was they made little effort with my baby at the start hence the making strange. FIL asked if baby behaves this way with everyone and I mentioned how I was shocked that when my sister flew in and the baby was content with her immediately (she lives overseas) - no meaness meant but my MIL was very angry about that comment and made out I was pitting my family against hers.
We decided to do Christmas just the three of us. I was breastfeeding and MIL said that was why they never visited so i wanted to feel comfortable and start my own traditions. MIL was upset as she wanted the baby down. I said we'd pop in but come Christmas day my husband didn't want to call in. I popped down by myself with small gifts, MIL was very cold but I did not react and wished them well. The next day I brought baby down with me, MIL ignored me and didn't greet us, I said hello to her three times and then eventually asked if she was okay, she mumbled something. I then asked if she wanted me to leave, no response, started to turn round to leave then she said she just wasn't feeling great. She was incredibly rude and frosty to me so I made my excuse and left after 10mins. This behaviour from her really upset me. It wasn't the first time though. I then popped down again later that week and she started giving out about what I had said about my sister and she cried about Christmas day. I told her how bad her behaviour was with me, she apologised but couldn't remember acting that way. I left the house, went for a walk and phoned her to say I wasn't visiting again until her, FIL and hubby worked things out as I was being dragged into it and I was finding the visits were having a negative effect on me.
They all gathered, apologised to eachother and a clean slate was agreed. (No apology to me)
Since then she has made more of an effort to visit the baby but I can't help but feel major resentment and borderline hatred towards her. Every visit she tells the baby not to bother looking at mammy and tells me I need to socialise her more. Most recently, I was telling her a certain place done drive through coffee (ideal when baby is asleep or if its raining) and I treated myself there every fortnight. Her response was she would not think of using it because she would think of my baby and go inside so baby could see people and listen to them talking. I feel like a broken record on this subject - fyi, baby had been sightseeing on the Monday, baby sensory on the Tuesday, library and walk through local town on the Wednesday, visit to MIL on the Thursday and on the Friday MIL pops up and says this to me. I also go for daily 6km walks with the baby plus baby has literally just turned 5 months.
I am near boiling point with snapping over these constant comments and I feel completely drained. I feel like I am unknowingly in a competition with her. Telling my baby not to look at mammy, not to mind mammy etc. Really upsets me and I don't know how to respond while keeping the peace.
Help please.