To hate him with a passion?

[HelpIcantfindaname]

Back story - Ex hubby & I took out a policy for decreasing mortgage cover when our DD was born 15 years ago in both of our names.
I'd bought the house before I met him, it's always been in my name. I've always paid the mortgage, & actually all of the other bills as he worked very few hours in a low paid job. Even when DD started school & he could have upped his hours he chose not to. He spent most of his time playing on his computer.

EX H left to live with OW when DD was 7.

He wanted me to cancel the mortgage insurance policy as he didn't want his name on it. I wanted to keep it as it meant DDs home was secure if either of us passed.

Fast forward to now - I have Stage 4 cancer & prognosis is about 10mths. I had to take ill health retirement. I never expected to be living off my pension while still paying a mortgage, money is tight. So I put in a claim for the mortgage insurance, only to find out ex H is entitled to half.

If DD wanted to live with him after I died I'd set up a trust fund, but she doesnt. She wants to stay in the house she's always lived in with her step dad & step brother. It's closer to her school & friends, & also her grown up siblings & their kids. Ex H has let her down so many times over the years, she's not keen on visiting anymore & knows he's unreliable.

Ex H originally said he wouldn't take the money. He knows its for DDs security. I'm having to dip into DDs University fund for living expenses now, with still having a mortgage to pay.

He says he's entitled to it cos he didn't take much when we divorced. Maintainance has always been paid but a very low amount, he doesn't treat DD to anything. He only put curtains in her room at his last year & she still doesn't have a proper quilt. He hasn't said he will spend the money on DD, he wants it for himself.

I don't want to give this excuse for a man a penny. Yet he's gona get £30k for nothing. He's basically cashing in on the fact I'm dying. He owns his house, has a car & still lives with the woman he left for. He doesn't need this money. We do. DD won't speak to him because he's shown money is more important to him than her security. And even though he knows she wants nothing to do with him if he takes the money he still wants it. To him it's worth losing his relationship with his only child.

I'm seeing a solicitor but I don't think we will get far.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

AIBU to hate him with a passion?

Op if you can and the money is coming into your account, just immediately use it to pay off the mortgage. Fuck him, let him fight it afterwards

If I am reading the situation correct you are saying that you have a decreasing term mortgage insurance policy. If it pays out in the event of critical illness surely this is to pay the mortgage. I would be doing the following:-

• call 101 and let them know that you believe that your ex is attempting to commit insurance fraud ie take money and not use it for what it is intended. Them looking into might make him think. He was the one who had to change the terms of any insurance if his circumstances changed.
• inform mortgage and insurance company
• check if you have any legal protection through insurance, mortgage, union membership etc
• get back onto McMillian and explain you need the legal advice now

I am so sorry to hear about your circumstances but trying to stay practical

And agree with previous poster. Ask the insurance company to pay the mortgage not either of you so at least the mortgage payment comes down

I agree.
Contact your insurer & explain your position. Tell them MacMillan are arranging a lawyer for you & this is in legal dispute. You don't have to 'lay it on thick' as this position he is trying to put you in ('decide by Monday' etc) is truly AWFUL.

Remind Macmillan that this is affecting your health - badly.
They will try to expide legal advice (some University Law Depts offer a free clinic)
See if the house / money can be put in some sort of trust for your Dd.

I'd email Ex, setting it out clearly as in your OP (dont tell him the above though)
I'd copy in all your Daughter's Family (inc his half).
Then I'd block him & speak only to lawyer / insurers.

I am so sorry you are in this position. What an awful human he is.

If the money is coming to you then spend it. Let him take you to court to get his half. Let him spend his money in legal fees. It’s a civil matter. You won’t be arrested. You have stage 4 cancer. If he wants to take you to court for money let the judge decide if it even gets that far

I am going to DM you OP x

He's an utter cunt and I am so sorry.

I remember you posting about this several months ago.

Yes he is a shit, but he did ask you to cancel the policy years ago and you chose not to. You took a gamble and this was always a potential outcome.

It’s annoying but you have to let it go. Get support to make your final months joyous both for you and your daughter. This is a waste of precious time. Xxx

I agree with the principle of all those saying just don’t pay him, or use the whole sum to pay off the mortgage and let him go the legal route. But. Given that the OP hasn’t long to live, I think she would want to be sure that her DH and children weren’t impacted as a result. Peace of mind is paramount here.

OP, re-post this in legal. If you’re in need of some fast legal advice that might be the quickest way to get it.

Just get married to your new partner

Yes, this exactly. I stole pp's quote, since I have no words, just tears and red nose. ❤️

I hate him with a passion too. It's not really about the fact that he asked you to cancel the policy years ago, or that if you'd predicted this you'd have done something different. It's about the fact that right now his 16 year old daughter is facing the loss of her mother, and he's going to take the money that he knows was intended for her security in this situation, for his own benefit and to spite you.

What does that change? Marriage doesn’t affect a policy you hold jointly with someone else. The ex husband isn’t getting half because they used to be married. He is getting half because they still have a joint policy. It won’t go to her next of kin. It is split between policy holders. I’m really not sure how you think you’re helping?

If ever there was a thread that you would want the Daily Mail to pick up on, it's this one.

To those of you saying “ just don’t pay him” , it doesn’t work like that.

The policy pays out to the policy holders , that’s both of them. They will both have to sign something and give bank details etc and agree that it’s 50:50 before the insurers will pay out and it will go directly to them.

So the ex will get the money directly.

That’s why it might work to try to get him to agree a 25:75 share, by telling him that she will get the outstanding loan debt paid off when she dies from some other policy / death in service etc. so she won’t claim on the policy at all unless he agrees to that split. Then he gets nothing.

If he believe her and agrees, the ex will get £15k and the Op will get £45k. He would need to instruct the insurers to pay out like this.

So gets £15k or nothing. It’s worth a try .

Paying him £15k now is worth it, her legal fees could easily be more than £8k. And no one wants to spend the last year of their life fighting their ex in court.

I have no practical advice to add to the already fantastic advice you've had here, OP. I just wanted to say now sorry I am and to send my love and prayers to you and your family 🩷

Your exH's behaviour is beyond deplorable and there no words for that. I hope karma pays him a visit in the near future.

Meanwhile, if you do set up a GoFundMe I will happily contribute x

I think she already is - OP refers to her partner as DH and as her DD’s stepdad. It’s the ex piece of shit living unmarried with the OW. Wouldn’t make any difference anyway if he’s named on the policy unless there is a clean financial break as part of the divorce settlement. Even then I’d be inclined to get legal advice as to whether that still stood in view of the fact it’s a joint policy.

Yep, I suggested this upthread in the hope that any journalists monitoring would take the hint. If anyone needs naming and shaming it’s this utter piece of garbage.

How bloody sexist that his name appears first.

Deepest sympathy for your situation. He's a cock.

And then he'd have a pretty robust case for suing OP for defamation.

Honestly, this is not the win people think it is. Why doesn't anyone apply any critical thought?

what a cunt! There is no other word ! Karma will bite his ass - but meanwhile - the go fundme for the solicitor - and what about the fact you paid the premium ?

Yes - the ex hasn’t really done anything particularly wrong here IMO.

OP would not be in this position if she had closed down the original insurance as he requested and just stuck to her own insurance. Obviously it’s a horrible situation though which is why clean break financial agreements are always the way to go.

Yep I hate him too.

I agree with everyone who said make it hard for him. You have nothing to lose and there is no point playing by the rules.
I also say enjoy your family now and don't stress over this the future though. No one knows what it will bring. You don't need to sort it all before you go honestly.

If the money goes into your account- just don't transfer it to him. Let him go to court and fight for it (would be expensive for him).