To not be a guarantor for my sister

[PinkShimmerSparkle]

Even though this means they and their 3 children might become homeless.
My DSis and her DH are not fantastic with money, I always assumed that they made sure that bills, mortgage etc were paid and all their nights out and their regular purchases of new technology, holidays etc were bought from disposable income but in hindsight it is obvious that they were always spending beyond their means, this is none of my business and I absolutely would never get involved or say anything.
They have both been working until recently when her DH left his job, she tells me that they have missed one mortgage payment and have now been issued an eviction notice.
They are looking at renting but everything requires a guarantor and she has asked me and DH to be one, as she knows we both earn and can save every month, but this is only because we are careful with what we spend.
I have said no but feel bad that they might become homeless.
AIBU?

You absolutely should not do this. It is unlikely they are being evicted after one missed mortgage payment. If they can't afford the mortgage it's unlikely they will afford rent. It would be utter madness to go guarantor for them.

I am glad you have decided not to.

If she can't afford her mortgage what makes you think she's going to afford rent? Unless of course her rent is going to be half of her mortgage which I doubt as rents as expensive.

Pissing it away for the somewhat dubious benefit of being abrupt doesn't.

Congratulations. 😁

The OP has a poor relationship with her sister and her parents.

So causing a feud over lending her sister unlimited amounts of money by being her guarantor isn't going to improve that relationship.

You handled this really well and you made the right decision OP, if you had given in you would feel much worse about it and it would lead to a bigger mess in the long run. Perhaps this is the shot across the bow they needed

YANBU I have a friend who is thousands of dollars in debt through doing this.

Your DH sounds great. Totally agree with his stance. Also, one payment is pointless as obviously they're behind by a lot more and would keep asking you for a lot more.

Unfortunately sometimes the best way to help people is to not be an enabler for them.

People have lost their home out of kindness to a relative. Hard decision but the right one.

Signpost them to a debt charity like stepchange. There’s not a lot of truth to her story

DH received a message back saying stay out of this, it’s between me and Pink, she has sent me a handful of messages and tried to call. I have not answered any of this.

It does involve DH, he is the higher earner and even if he wasn’t I would never sign up to something like that without his agreement. We have a joint account as well as individual accounts but essentially all money is family money.

He has insisted on having a chippy tea tonight as he knows my head is all over the place and I hate cooking at the best of time, he can’t cook so doesn’t attempt but happily does the clearing up.

DH received a message back saying stay out of this, it’s between me and Pink, she has sent me a handful of messages and tried to call. I have not answered any of this

True colours showing I think. Glad you have such good support from your OH.

DH received a message back saying stay out of this, it’s between me and Pink, she has sent me a handful of messages and tried to call. I have not answered any of this.

OP you now need to block your sister on all devices you can.

Also see if you can block private numbers on your mobile phone. (Make sure you learn how to do it as you will need to unblock for calls from the GP. )

If you think you need to also block your parents.

They can all contact you through your DH if necessary.

Edited to say - Blocking them isn't permanent is only for a couple of months.

No matter how bad the relationship with your sister becomes because of your refusal to be a guarantor, it is nothing to how bad it would be if she embroiled you in their financial mess.

She isn't telling you the whole truth, they haven't been wise with their money and they never will learn if other people bail them out.

You and DH are doing exactly the right thing. Stay strong.

I didn't say anywhere that she should. Read my OP.

Wasn't it the step dad that stood guarantor in that programme? I think it was a 10k debt she ran up . I felt so sorry for him .

Takes about 12 months or more for an eviction notice after their lender has taken them to court.
There is a lot more going on here..

Unfortunately she’s going to have to learn the hard way, that living/ spending beyond your means, has consequences. If you bail her out now, they will just continue to be frivolous.. and if you help them once they may well expect it every time. A sad situation to be in - especially for their kids, but one that could’ve been avoided.

So far, so good. But I think it's a mistake to not inform your parents that your sister has approached you to be a guarantor for rent, that you will not be doing this. and that you will not be communicating further on this matter. Sounds like DH will back you up if necessary. Make that clear now, and then when they contact you about it, all you have to do is - NOTHING. Otherwise there will still be that hanging over your head, waiting for it to fall. Lance the boil.

I think it was the same baliff programme as @TruJay which means I will never be a guarantor for someone, unless I would happily pay their rent for them. That parent/step parent had tried to do a nice thing, never expecting that they would actually be saddled with a load of debt

I know we'd all like to think the best of our family, but your sister clearly not beyond lying as there is no way that they'd be losing their house for one missed payment. On that basis alone I wouldn't trust them to pay the rent

No nope no way

There is an article on the BBC News online site currently about 'What happens if I can afford my mortgage'.

According to the article it is a long process to repossess a house and takes about 2 years. Your sister is lying...as you already know.

The only reason to tell the parents would be to forewarn them if the sister ever asks them to become guarantor. This would however destroy the relationship.
Tough call.

Wow, your Dsis really is one isn’t she.
I can imagine she was hoping you'd keep it quiet and not tell your DH.
Does she honestly believe you'd go or are going to go behind his back and hand over lord knows how much money because there's no way it would be 'a just this once' payment.

I really don't think you'd have much to lose if you ignore her and she trounced off, her and her DH are the only one's that are, if it even does happen, be at blame for being homeless.

@strawberrysalsa exactly, it is very fishy. One more reason not to trust the sister.
The article is here, and the section
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-63486782# and the section @strawberrysalsa refers to says:
"Could I lose my home?
Some people may decide to sell their home and - in extreme circumstances - the lender could take court action to repossess it.
Repossessions are far rarer than they used to be.
There are several stages before a lender can do this, and the whole process takes about two years."