To ask if you’ve regretted having a third child or sticking at two?

[Busby88]

I know third child posts come up all the time on Mumsnet (I think I’ve read them all 😅) but just wondering if anyone has any insight on whether they’ve regretted the decision they made when deciding whether or not to go for a third child?

I know logically it is better to stick at two. Holidays, finances, car space, emotional time to invest in current DC, risk to me and any future child etc etc. But oh my heart absolutely longs for a third. I always saw myself with three kids but never really thought about it until I had two and I started to consider what a shift it would be.

So I’m not asking for all the arguments for sticking at two, I know these off by heart. I’m just after first hand experiences of people who were either desperate for a third but decided to stick at two, or people who went for a third and regret it ( I know you’d never regret the actual child but you know what I mean hopefully).

Name changed because some people IRL know my normal MN username and I don’t want them to know how seriously we are considering a third…

Remember years ago on holiday in Ireland the kids about 6 and 8 we were doing pony trekking the four of us. Was lovely experience. The other family doing it were the same as us except with a baby. Fuss and screaming two older kids sat looking bored while parents focussed on baby - dad did the activity on his own with the kids while mum sat out with the baby. Encapsulated for me why we had made the choices we had. Each to their own but personally two perfect for us.

I think when the youngest child is still so young, a lot of us go through that feeling of “What if this is my last time doing this?” eg last breast feed, last rocking them to sleep in your arms etc. I had all those feelings even with my first when I definitely wanted more than one child. I can only imagine how this feeling may be emphasised if you’ve finished growing your family.

Mind you, my friends have all said that when theirs reached a certain age (about 2-3) and they were well and truly past the nappy stage etc, they had the same questions as above but felt positive as they wouldn’t have to breastfeed or rock a baby to sleep ever again!

I totally agree and great example here but I think it’s an argument for not having a big age gap too which I would avoid if possible. (I get that the cost of childcare often dictates though of course - and fertility!)

I'd personally rather get all the feeding, no sleep, nappies, potty training done in one fell swoop over an intense few years, than do it, feel more human again and forget about how crap it can be, do it again, have a rest again, then back to night feeds and nappies… Extended over many years! 🙈

I have 3, aged 6,8+10. It's amazing.
They're all the best of friends (I know this is rare!) and I am so extremely happy we had 3.
Yes, hotels are always sooo much more money. Cars were a pain when we needed 3 car seats.
Would I have 3 again if I were to go back in time? Absolutely!

@Doris9 But we don't live in an "ideal" world, do we?
I have three - 16, 13 and 3.
My first husband turned out to be an abusive narcissist.
When I met my second husband he had no bio children of his own (his first wife couldn't have any, but that wasn't why they divorced). He'd accepted the fact he wouldn't be a bio dad and that being a part-time stepdad was going to be the next best thing. I didn't want any more.
But then over time I saw how incredible he was with "my" sons (whom I share care with with ex) and also knew there was a huge sense of sadness that he'd never have a child of his own.
I changed my mind about having another and we now share a 3 yo together. Yes at 43 and 48 and both working we're knackered, but absolutely no regrets. My boys adore their sister and it's definitely brought us closer together as a family.

@Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow "They will be 6.5 and nearly 4 when this one is due."

That's pretty close to the gap we had when we had our third. It was meant to be shorter but I had two miscarriages before finally having DC3 when I was 40.

Looking back, it was tiring and busy and #3 was the most demanding of the three, but three was what we wanted, and got. No regrets. They are all adults now and have a great relationship, all three of them!

No 'middle child' syndrome in our house either - middle thinks they're the favourite, is the best at wrapping me round their little finger! Fortunately the other two think they are the favourite one too! I don't know how we managed that...

@mammaCh "Cars were a pain when we needed 3 car seats."

Maybe it was down to our age gaps, but we never needed a car bigger than a Ford Focus for our three!

I had an unplanned third. I don't regret having her I love her to bits but life is so much harder with 3. I think the lack of sleep has really hit me this time, my two youngest wake multiple times a night so I've been running on a few hours of broken sleep every night for the past 6 months which is really effecting my mental health. Mine are all under 5 so hoping it will get easier as they grow.

I really wanted a third but I'm very glad we stuck at 2. My mum friends who have struggled the most all started really struggling when they added the third. Unless you have a huge amount of money and support I'd stick at 2. DC1 turned out to have ASD and was not thriving in primary so we moved them to private along with their younger sibling for fairness. We just couldn't have stretched to 3 sets of fees. Mind your age gaps too, supporting multiple children in uni isn't cheap!

I can’t tell you how very pleased DH and I are that we had 3. Absolutely made our family complete in the most wonderful way possible.

Really glad you found such happiness after a shit time.

I agree with you that life often isn’t so straightforward and planned to the nth degree (eg fertility which I mentioned) and this is why I said “Which I would avoid - if possible” and “personally.”

@mammaCh out of interest, what's the gender split?