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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’ve regretted having a third child or sticking at two?

137 replies

Busby88 · 07/02/2024 21:29

I know third child posts come up all the time on Mumsnet (I think I’ve read them all 😅) but just wondering if anyone has any insight on whether they’ve regretted the decision they made when deciding whether or not to go for a third child?

I know logically it is better to stick at two. Holidays, finances, car space, emotional time to invest in current DC, risk to me and any future child etc etc. But oh my heart absolutely longs for a third. I always saw myself with three kids but never really thought about it until I had two and I started to consider what a shift it would be.

So I’m not asking for all the arguments for sticking at two, I know these off by heart. I’m just after first hand experiences of people who were either desperate for a third but decided to stick at two, or people who went for a third and regret it ( I know you’d never regret the actual child but you know what I mean hopefully).

Name changed because some people IRL know my normal MN username and I don’t want them to know how seriously we are considering a third…

OP posts:
Twoshoesnewshoes · 08/02/2024 19:18

I have three
love it
regret a little bit not trying for four

Darkdiamond · 08/02/2024 19:20

I absolutely love having 3! Yes, of course it's harder work, but Christmad dinner is harder work than a normal dinner and you never sit there after your meal thinking 'oh I wish I'd stuck a lasagne in the oven instead'. Well, I never do anyway!

Number 3 revolutionised the dynamics of our family, for the better. She's an awful sleeper but aside from that, I am so glad to have three. The third is honestly such a beautiful ray of sunshine. No regrets. In fact I'd love a fourth but that would actually be madness!

Karwomannghia · 08/02/2024 19:22

3 is the magic number!
big gap between 2 and 3 so a natural divide with the older 2 helping with the younger one

LoreleiG · 08/02/2024 19:23

I also found three a slightly weird dynamic as a sibling. So did my DH. We stuck with two - his choice not mine, I would have gone for it anyway. The need to have ‘just one more’ was overwhelming.

Starfish1021 · 08/02/2024 19:25

I always thought I would have three. But when it came down to it, my husband was on the fence and I realised I wasn’t desperate. I’m delighted we stuck with two. I’m lucky, they get on really well and it means we can give them one-on-one attention.

Mairzydotes · 08/02/2024 19:26

I have 3. If number 3 had been more like one of the first two , like I imagined, life would be easier.

Also , what if number 3 is twins?

LaPalmaLlama · 08/02/2024 19:27

I have two. A few friends who had dc same ages as mine went on to have a third and when they were babies I was a little bit “oh maybe we should have….” but now I’m definitely glad I stuck at two. I really didn’t want to do the 2-6 year stage again.

TheSeasonalNameChange · 08/02/2024 19:31

I have three and occasionally think it would have been much easier having two, friends say the same. Glad we have three though as the third is absolutely wonderful.

Capmagturk · 08/02/2024 19:32

No absolutely do not regret it, he's a compelte joy and completed our family.

Giv0iw · 08/02/2024 19:32

I know this is a boring opinion but I think other people's experiences are largely irrelevant. You DO need to base it on things like time, finances and if your house is big enough.

In my mind it's clear cut ultimately what sort of life do you want to give your children?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 08/02/2024 19:33

I wanted three. I became disabled before we reached the point of having kids. I didn't really cope with two pregnancies to be honest, there was no way we could have gone for a third. I did for a while have the occasional fantasy about an accidental pregnancy that would make the decision for us, extremely unlikely since I got sterilised when I had the second c section. My youngest is 10 now and I don't think about it anymore (at least I didn't until you asked!). I think if the disability hadn't happened I would have pined for a third, but it just felt out of my hands and I am extremely lucky to have the two I've got.

LoreleiG · 08/02/2024 19:34

Giv0iw · 08/02/2024 19:32

I know this is a boring opinion but I think other people's experiences are largely irrelevant. You DO need to base it on things like time, finances and if your house is big enough.

In my mind it's clear cut ultimately what sort of life do you want to give your children?

I totally agree with this.

Veggie1961 · 08/02/2024 19:35

NewName24 · 08/02/2024 00:20

I have three and it made our family complete.
100% right for us.

Same here .Absolutely no regrets .

Gulag · 08/02/2024 19:35

I have three (and really struggled to decide). In the end I knew that I wouldn’t regret it so I went for it and I find it fantastic. My third is wonderful and I really like the dynamic compared to the intensity of two. I have occasionally twinges of regret when booking a hotel and paying for three lots of swimming lessons but that’s it :)

Gulag · 08/02/2024 19:38

Giv0iw · 08/02/2024 19:32

I know this is a boring opinion but I think other people's experiences are largely irrelevant. You DO need to base it on things like time, finances and if your house is big enough.

In my mind it's clear cut ultimately what sort of life do you want to give your children?

I agree with this. I had the time, space and money (although I would be richer with just two). I also wanted to give my kids the experience of a lively, chaotic household. Some people prioritise having a bit more order and being able to give their kids more individual attention and resource. Depends what type of family you want to give your kids.

Strictlymad · 08/02/2024 19:40

I think your personal situation is different and important to consider. I would love a third but have high risk pregnancies, difficult deliveries and premature babies. If you have straightforward pregnancies and deliveries that’s a big plus. We have decided for us it’s wiser to stick at 2

lochmaree · 08/02/2024 19:40

following as we are considering a 3rd.

Yesnosorryplease · 08/02/2024 19:45

3 has been lovely, and my 3rd was by far the easiest and the one I enjoyed the most as a baby. I'm so so glad dh changed his mind (he was firmly 2 and done at one point). All of us are very happy to have dc3.

BUT, the expense is pretty significant. I don't think I'd really thought through how 3x school shoes or 3x swimming lessons is 33% more than I would have been paying. When they were younger it was less noticeable but now they're teens and the school lunches and trips are serious £££, they need phones, allowances and will need driving lessons and uni support, I actually wonder what the hell we were thinking when we entered into dc 3 so casually.

We have good incomes, supportive families and non demanding kids, so we will be fine, but I look at everyone else with 2 and know we would have felt much more comfortable if we'd stopped there!

phoenixrosehere · 08/02/2024 19:48

DC3 is 3 month and we cannot imagine life without her. There’s a six year difference between her and her brother which is the same difference between my nephew and niece. Seeing DS1 and DS2 interact with her is so sweet. She smiles, coos back at them, and reaches out to touch them. We are definitely done. Would have gone for a tubal but the hospital I was at didn’t do them so DH is getting the snip as agreed.

We had been on the fence about a third and agreed if there was no pregnancy last year, we were done at two and lo and behold, three was due. Finances so far haven’t changed much other than buying nappies. Had the bulkier expensive items still and bought a few baby girl bundles from Vinted before she was born. My parents went overboard so she’s set until she’s one. 😂

Dilysthemilk · 08/02/2024 19:49

I have 3 - I have a gap of 6.5 & 8.5 years between my 3rd and my 1st and 2nd. I wish I had gone for a 4th all the time. It is hard to go back but it’s also lovely because you appreciate all the gorgeous baby years a lot more. Also I think I would have been really sad at my older 2’s sibling relationship as they are very different from each other so they are not very close but the 3rd brings them and us altogether. I’m much too old for a 4th now but I do wish I had.

RandomQuestionOfTheDay · 08/02/2024 19:53

Very glad we stuck at two.

Around the time DC2 was 3 and I was heading for 40, I would have been happy to have a third if DH had wanted to as well. Or maybe not as I remember thinking I couldn’t afford £1k a month for another child’s childcare.

As time has gone on the happier I’ve been to only have two. Parenting is hard work even now they’re early teens. I’m glad I’m not also juggling the needs of a younger child. Also getting a little freedom back is awesome.

LorlieS · 08/02/2024 19:53

I've got three but feel a bit sad for the much younger one as she's more "on her own" than her two big big brothers are (16, 13 and 3) ❤️

phoenixrosehere · 08/02/2024 19:55

Giv0iw · 08/02/2024 19:32

I know this is a boring opinion but I think other people's experiences are largely irrelevant. You DO need to base it on things like time, finances and if your house is big enough.

In my mind it's clear cut ultimately what sort of life do you want to give your children?

This is true.

DH and I both agreed before we became engaged that three was our limit and that’s what we planned for and if it hadn’t of happened we would be fine regardless.

Travelsweat · 08/02/2024 20:10

We had a third and are so happy we did. Our family just didn’t feel complete with two. They are close in age and are best friends. I like that they will all have that sister bond for life. It’s also great during school holidays and weekends because they entertain each other. MIL tried to ‘warn’ us that a third would be too much work (she has just two herself), and we are so glad we didn’t listen to her. If you both really want a third and have the means to make it work, I say go for it.

Zanatdy · 08/02/2024 20:16

I have 3 but 1 is much older. I wouldn’t have had 3 little ones close in age. I think you do need to consider cost, and not just nursery fee’s but helping with Uni costs as student loans are means tested etc, they are really important factors over whether other people regretted it. Each child costs an awful lot of money, and in a COL crisis you do need to consider what’s driving the desire for one more and affordability. I wanted a 3rd as I wanted a daughter, that’s what drove my desire for 3, but also because I had 11yrs between son 1 and son 2, so I wanted ds2 to have a sibling close in age as ds1 was never able to have that. A lot to consider

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